[TiSa20]

I have been involved in a sexual relationship with a 35 y.o man. I am a 49 y.o woman.
This has been going on almost 3 months.
We began by saying its just sex
We agreed not see other people.
When we are together its hours. Sometimes he spends the night. He is always close and holds me. We talk a lot. Many times about intimate details and feelings about various topics. We text back and forth throughout most days.
He told me he loved me. He had been drinking. I didnt pay attention to it. Then he did it a second time. The third time i felt like it was a game and we had a falling out. A week later we started up agian. He found out i had started talking to another guy and acted jealous, but we worked it out.
This really feels like a relationship, but he says he doesnt want a relationship.
We are off again now. But a few days ago (after me telling him when i could get pregnant) he came over and picked the day right in the middle of ovulation to have sex with me.
What is going on?
Thank you for your time and opinions.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by TiSa20

I have been involved in a sexual relationship with a 35 y.o man. I am a 49 y.o woman.
This has been going on almost 3 months.
We began by saying its just sex
We agreed not see other people.
When we are together its hours. Sometimes he spends the night. He is always close and holds me. We talk a lot. Many times about intimate details and feelings about various topics. We text back and forth throughout most days.
He told me he loved me. He had been drinking. I didnt pay attention to it. Then he did it a second time. The third time i felt like it was a game and we had a falling out. A week later we started up agian. He found out i had started talking to another guy and acted jealous, but we worked it out.
This really feels like a relationship, but he says he doesnt want a relationship.
We are off again now. But a few days ago (after me telling him when i could get pregnant) he came over and picked the day right in the middle of ovulation to have sex with me.
What is going on?
Thank you for your time and opinions.

Wait--so you had unprotected sex at a time you might get pregnant with someone you do not wish to be in a relationship with? Do you secretly want a baby?

[TiSa20]

Actually, i do want to be with him now. That evolved during pur time spent together. I was just divulging that that was our initial arrangment. Thanks for responding

[Bill3]

When he says "I don't want a relationship" my suggestion is to believe him--and act accordingly.

[MsLady]

I'd say he's enjoying his time with you for the sex. He's not interested in a relationship nor does he want you to be with anyone else. If you're having unprotected sex, despite your age, you can still get pregnant. He doesn't seem to care, either. Who's calling all the shots? The love comment is to keep you hooked and vulnerable.

It's your responsibility to protect yourself, particularly during ovulation. Don't blame him for having consensual sex in the middle of your ovulation. It is you who is playing with fire.

[divine1966]

He doesn’t want a relationship. He says it and he shows it. So. believe it. He likes sex and it sounds that he enjoys unprotected sex even more. He is lucky he got you becsyse many women would insist he use a condom as there is no commitment between you two. In addition do you know if he’s been tested for STDs?

Are you not on birth control? Why?

So he visits you in your house to have sex but do you go places and do stuff? Like not in your house and with no sex?

I understand you want a relationship. It’s probably better to look for a guy who feels the same. It’s a waste of time trying to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel the same.

[TiSa20]

Thanks. I know youre right.
Sometimes i just need to hear it from someone else.

[TiSa20]

We do go other places and do some things together. Like hiking, or shopping.
But, yeah. I think i agree too (although i had not thought of it on my own) that some of the comments are to keep me vulnerable and available to him.
I have known him since 2007, but we were both married for several years and had no contact so, its difficult to know how someone has changed...if they are still trustworthy etc. Etc.
Im actually ready to move forward and these comments helped me sort it out. Thank you so much to all for the responses.