Is it possible to move emotionally involved relation to move to Platonic friendship?

Hello there guys;
So, my wife build an emotional connection with her cousins husband 3 years ago; it was Ok initially as I was involved in the weekly activity and family gatherings with this cousin.

It came down to her pulling away from me over time and becoming emotionally involved with him by constantly calling and meeting him; Six months ago my frustration started with her giving more attention to him and three months ago I put her on No Contact condition with this cousin to save my marriage.

Now, after 3 months she says that she wants both of us to meet this cousins husband again and only wants platonic relation with him; She says that she understands that she hurt me and wants to redeem herself; She says that he helped us a lot in 3 years prior and we can not abandon good friend like that.

So, what do you guys think; Is it possible to turn Emotional relation into platonic relation?

What needs to happen for the safety of our marriage? Should I meet him and resume friendship?

Well it wasn’t just emotional connection. Didn’t she sleep with him and it resulted in a birth of a child?

She says that she used him as a Sperm Donor and they went to clinic for the process; Should I talk to him about this topic?

Is Platonic RELATION STILL POSIBLE WITH THIS GUY?

Are you raising this child as your own?

I’d not have a friendship with someone who secretly donated a sperm to my wife to produce a child. That’s your cousin? No way

The Biggest issue for her is that she is probably still meeting him; Yet, they are scared of consequences if I figure out their interactions; and on top of that he probably wants to get involved with my Baby;

How do I outline my boundaries to my wife? She says I have too much angry and hatred toward this cousin and should try to listen to him..

If she is secretly seeing him then I don’t understand why you want to be friends with him. You can’t tell other people what to do. If she wants to see him she will see him

Did you have some type of legal papers drawn that he has no legal rights for this child? If not, he can argue in court that he wants to be involved in child’s life and he might win.

Hello guys;
So, yesterday my wife called our family Doctor for appointment and that doctor was talking about cousin and how he is having a Chest pain problems and has been visiting the clinic quiet often for various check ups; my wife seemed really disturbed by it and she is mentioning that she wants to see him at least once a month as she has emotional ties to him.

Its just weird how much attached she has become to this cousin, and it is becoming hard to keep her grounded; what would you guys suggest? should We meet this cousin with our baby?

No I don’t suggest you keep meeting him

I don’t think it’s weird she wants to see him if they have emotional ties

I have to deal with my wife not him; She is the one wanting to get involved with his family.

She is bringing the proposition that we should involve our son with his 2 daughters; they celebrate birthday Christmas and other festivals. She says that she will not talk to him alone like before and only wants a good social experience for my son as all the cousins talk and if she does not attend his daughters birthday than other cousins will suspect the issue and will ask questions.

What do you guys think? I currently live with my brother and he has his own son that is 3 months older than my baby.

No, in your wife’s case it’s not possible to turn into a platonic relationship. She has a child with him (sperm donor or whatever she wants to call it) without discussing it with you first? You are tolerating her disloyalty due to her words of manipulation. When you tried to create a boundary she was blaming you saying “you have so much anger”. Of course you do, it’s normal to feel anger after what happened. She was belittling your feelings to get what she wanted. She still has romantic feeling toward that guy. I wouldn’t stay one more day if my partner ever did that to me. Respect yourself please. That’s how you outline a boundary.

Hello there Guys;

So my wife says that the baby shares genes with my cousin and only he is capable of helping in case of health emergency for my baby; she says she wants both of us to keep in touch so we can possibly ask for his help if we ever need it.

She says that we should just 3 of us meet and patch up our differences and she wants me to stop hating on him.

She says she will start working on marriage recovery as soon as I have a meeting with him; she promises to never talk to him without my presence.

Is this a game guys? How do I explain the difficulty of meeting him?
She says that everybody is profoundly hurt by what happened; She says that they understand what error and mistakes they made and he will never do that again.

She says this is the only way for her to get normal again; and this puts me in a difficult situation; what do you guys think?

She says that he is her best friend and she can not simply drop him like that; She says it took lot of time and effort to build and find true friendship; and u can not simply drop someone because of misunderstanding.

People don’t go to sperm donors for medical emergency for their children. It’s just not happening. That’s baloney. What do people do with adopted children? Or people who used anonymous sperm donors? Do they not get their children medical help? That’s crazy talk. Your wife is either ignorant or thinks you are, so she feeds you stories

This guy isn’t a sperm donor. Your wife is in a relationship with a man, maybe just emotional connection and maybe more. Also if she wants this man to be involved in child’s life, you need to see a lawyer. He can sue for parental rights at any point.

He wants to see my baby without his wife knowledge as this was special adventure he took on without his family permission; He already has two daughters so making any claim will possibly do bigger damage to him as he has preached being friend to with my wife and he is in risk of destroying his "happy Family";

Their plan is to keep this relationship under wrap a one that is "Hush Hush" type; So, if I was to introduce and take my baby to him than they have not broken any rules and are innocent of any wrong doing.

The cousin is an alpha personality and he wants control of what future plans and moves I make in that is only possible by talking to me.

I will not fall for this trick again.

So they want you to agree to their deceiving this man’s wife and children. That’s not right.

Hello guys;
So over the weekend I had a nice breakthrough from my wife side;

She said that she is stunned and astonished that I accepted the Baby; She says that she is grateful for my understanding and no man would accept such a condition.

She said she took steps out of depression and desperation as she though that I would never accept such a condition to use the cousin as a Sperm donor; She says that she misjudged me and all this happened because she was afraid how I would react to her actions.

And, all the things she did was out of getting triggered as I kept going to forums and friends about her bad actions; she became triggered and in return went back to cousin thinking he could heal her from the stress that I was inflicting on her daily.

She still says that I should talk to cousin as he was forced into action without bad intentions and we have bad impressions about each other due to circumstances that put us in Hostage situation against our emotions.

What do you guys think?

I think having secret babies with cousins is pretty much a deal breaker and would be a deal breaker for many people. I’d say cousin’s wife needs to know. I’d not pretend like it’s all fine and dandy and act clueless going to his house. It’s helping him and your wife to continue their deceiving ways. Also do you have documentation of his actually being a donor? Didn’t they ask her any questions in the clinic? Did you think it was your sperm? None of it makes sense

From what you have shared about your wife and this cousin, they are actually showing disrespect to you and his wife and family as well as the baby. They are asking you to agree to lie and deceive.

This isn't about you accepting the baby either. It goes much deeper than that because of the ongoing deception.

He supposedly loves his wife and his family YET he has been LYING to them and decieving them just like YOU were being lied to. When people can be deceptive like this it speaks volumes about their true character. And you will actually never know the full TRUTH as it's already in their nature to LIE.

What is even more disturbing is how they are recuiting you to play along with them and THEY THINK THAT'S OK. Take a minute and picture yourself sitting with this man's wife when she is sobbing and shocked because she FINALLY learns the truth and feels so horrible that everyone deceived her. Put yourself in her shoes where she suddenly utters "you all lied, how can I ever trust you again" when she finally learns the truth and it WILL eventually come out.

His wife is a BLIND recruit and you saw some things yet you may STILL be partically blinded because one never knows with DECEPTIVE people. Hmm, are they doing the oh poor me game with you? I have seen people fall for this all the time, it never ceases to amaze me how a deceptive person develops the ability to recruit blind followers.

Are you being petted with the "you are wonderful, you are loved, and appreciated" lies? Well, see how LOVED and appreciated you are when you INSIST on TRUTH. However, when you do that, tell the right person the truth otherwise you could get hurt. You are a liability right now in that this cousin is keeping his wife in the dark, and your wife is doing the same. CAN you get together with his family, see his wife and KNOW she has no idea about the father of that child your wife brings to their gatherings? Not anything I myself could feel comfortable doing.

His wife deserves to know the truth just as you yourself deserve to know the truth. Right now all you are doing is being manipulated to go along with deception.

I am so sorry you are going through this. But listen, it's never going to get better. They are sneaking around. I am assuming the only reason you found out was because she got pregnant. So now you are most likely raising someone else's baby. I hope you have proof that he actually donated sperm and not hooked up. Anyway, keeping a secret like that in the first place is a total deal breaker. Why weren't you involved the pregnancy process. Kinda odd that you were left out of that. She is trying to manipulate you into believing for the baby's sake that this man needs to be in your lives, but hide it from his wife?? No way dude. Oh and poor me, I was going through a lot...please we all go through a lot, getting pregnant is not how you solve a problem...that is just a lame excuse for her deceitful behavior. Why hide a friendship from his wife unless there is something to hide? 1+1=2, something is not adding up. Have you talked to a therapist? If not I think you should...sort out your feelings, and find out why you allow her to treat you like this.

Yes, My wife will have to learn hard lesson of letting him go; I allowed him to come infiltrate my home out of Trust and family relation we had.

Now, after knowing the Truth; I will have to defend my turf; It will not be easy to take over my home without my permission Period no matter who ever it is.

My wife earlier said that she fell in love over how he setup all the activities and how much time he was investing with her; She never wondered why I allowed him to get this close and accommodated all the activities with his family.

I allowed because I thought this was family friend and never doubted our friendship until my heart was broken; This has taught me never to trust anyone to make the right decision for you.

What makes you think she will actually let go of him. Not if she has feelings for him.

That's the part I am struggling with; How do you get someone out of Limerence or in love feeling.

It took good 3 years to create that feelings for her, and right now we are in No Contact Policy; and his family wants nothing to do with us.

She wants to keep contact secretly without anyone's knowledge and that's the hard part; Why would I stay in contact with him knowing my wife loves him; and they have tendency to betray and lie to me.


They got to this position by taking advantage of my good nature and Trust; Is this my responsibility to send him a message?

The way he got my wife is by complaining that his wife does not pay attention and is neglecting him; So, he portrayed that he lost emotional connection with his wife and my wife is more understanding and she can connect to him better; and over time my wife started to say and do the same about me.

I told my wife that we got involved with this family because we can help support each other as family unit, and he should be motivated to improve his marriage otherwise he is just impeding into my family unit; and taking away what's mine.

Well, it sounds like he has already disrespected not only your relationship but his own. Actually they both have.

How long have you been married? I am confused about why she got pregnant by him and not you.

Her story about him being a secret sperm donor doesn’t ring true to me. What clinic would just accept anyone’s sperm in fertility treatment? Have you talk to the clinic that did fertility treatment?

They conceived a baby normal way having an affair but now telling you bogus stories about sperm donation. Sperm donation is a lie unless you sued the clinic and got it proved that they used whoever’s sperm unbeknownst to you. She put you on a birth certificate before even telling you that you aren’t a biological father. I really don’t get it, why are you still married?

Thing about their disillusion is they are saying that their spouse were not paying attention and providing emotional support they required in a relationship; So, they found a match in each other.

By keeping a "fake" friendship with me he was able to get involved with us for all the vacations, Christmas and other Social gatherings; and being family friend I thought why not.

If going to activity with his family made my wife happy than I have nothing against them until I realized that they used me a pawn to get themselves closer and then make excuse of falling in love him by chance.

Yes, exactly...you know what's up. Leave her ***...move on...(I know easier said than done). You do not deserve to be treated that way. I hope it all works out for you.