My Big Fat Never to Be Wedding

Did you all see the movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"?Oh to be so lucky as the girl in that movie. To have someone love me in spite of my relationship phobia. I am phobic of romance. I'm not bad looking, intelligent, kindhearted, interesting... but very frightened of romance. I literally run and hide emotionally soon as interest is glanced my way. Did any of you see that movie? Did you see the main character hide behind the water cooler when she saw a guy noticing her? That's me!!!! I run so fast when romance enters the picture. Right now I'm hanging out with gay men because I'm too afraid of romance, but need males in my life. I'm not even close to being gay. I'm more than frustrated. I'm defeated. I even hate this section of the forum. Everyone posts about their relationships and I dont' even have a chance at a relationship because I am so backward

OK... that's my vent.

It's a wild world, but someone's gotta ride it!

Your nopt backwards you just have issues. It seems so often people in relationships wish they were single and people who are single wish they were in a relationship. I knew since I was 4 that I should be single my whole life but I got stupid 2 times and I have paid. Being alone is hard sometimes but so is being in a relationship. For me relationships have been just hell and unfortunetaly I seem to marry someone when I love them. I feel backwards myself so I guess I can relate to where you are coming from.
My problem is I believed in the fairtale of "true love" and found that it doesn't exist, not for me anyway. I don't want to be alone, I have SO much to give someone and I don't want to not be able to share it. I am just babbling here cause your post got me started!! Sorry. Life is tough huh?
Hang in there Willow. You have some stuff to work thru but you will, I know it.
Heidu

Willow, I'm not quite sure what to say, except to let you know that you are not alone in being alone. I had three cousins get married this past year, and while I was very happy that they had found their soul mates, every wedding reminded me that I was not going to be walking down that aisle.

I am not afraid of romance...in fact, I'm just the opposite, I love romance, and can get romantically attached very quickly. But I always end up running from any kind of permanent committment. So I end up hopping from one relationship to the next, and never really finding what makes me happy. Now I'm alone, and my therapists are all telling me I should stay this way until I can learn to "look before I leap".

I know what you mean about wanting to have males in your life, and I actually have several gay male friends, too. But another thing that helps me is to have men around that are strictly platonic...for instance, I have male friends at work who are happily married, so we can hang out at work, but not risk any romance.

One thing that might help get you used to relationships with men but would be less romantic would be to get into an activity that interests men. For instance, biking and hiking clubs tend to have a lot of men in them...or if you're not into outdoorsy things, photography classes and clubs tend to have a lot of men, too. I dunno...maybe this wouldn't work for you...but I think that to get involved with men and realize that some of them will like you without wanting to be romantically involved might make you less inclined to run away so quickly when the first sparks of romance hit.

Anyway, I'm not sure if any of that made sense. But the one thing I do know is that you deserve to find happiness, and a happy relationship.

*hugs*
mj

there are many types of romance. what type would you like?

I dunno Bugg... I guess I'll know it when I see it. For now the fear still outweighs the "want to".

It's a wild world, but someone's gotta ride it!

(((Huggs))) I've hidden myself behind someone and called that romance. I've chased after the unattainable love several times and called that romance. I am not sure if I know what real intimacy is.... I wonder if anyone knows.

I dunno purebugg. I had a talk with a coworker and good friend today. We both decided we are doomed to be single forever. It's really sad, coz I would marry him in a heartbeat. He's just not attracted to women. I think I'll tell him maybe we can be alone together

It's a wild world, but someone's gotta ride it!

oh Willow, it's almost the same as my problem... it's good to know that I'm not alone, although my problem is a bit different. I've always felt that guys simply don't give time to a relationship to develop, they rush everything. But some time ago I met a guy to whom I'm really attracted and we were good friends for a while then it seemed to me that he wants more than friendship. I like him and I find him handsome, still I panicked and refused him, and I simply don't know why. Am I totally crazy? I've read about social phobia, can it be that? I have a very few friends and I have dififculties even in keeping those few.