[What_the_hell]

Lesbian relationship advise needed!
About a month ago, I met a girl and we had some nice firendly hangouts. She made it clear that she's interested in me and likes me, however never attampted to kiss me or anything. Very soon she invited me to travel to a city where she went to university at. I agreed, expecting that things will happen there between us - considering the interest she was expressing.

We shared same bed for 5 nights during the trip but nothing. When we came back, we kept hanging out and she was still expressing interest. Few times we were drinking and started talking about that trip. She explained to me that I was her guest there (& therefore had a free accommodation) and she didn't want to make me uncomfortable by making a move, didn't want me to feel like she invited me just for that.
Recently, we got drunk in the park and she was very clear about liking me, so I kissed her and we spent a long time making out. I am not an initiative person and when I am sober, I feel very shy to make a move. She mentioned that she's usually not shy but feels shy with me because she likes me a lot.

After that, I've invited her over and gave her a massage (sober) - again, nothing happened! Just lots of massage and conversation... I offered her to stay but she didn't, saying that she didn't bring her toothbrush pijamas etc. Meanwhile, she 's inviting me to go on a trip together again and made it clear that she isn't into seeing other people, it's been a while since she felt so interested in someone, even mentioned we should do something special when it's 1 month since we've met each other.

I feel quite confused; I am used to people being proactive in sex, making a move - usually on the 2nd or even 1st date. With this person, I don't know what to do. I don't wanna be the one asking for sex or making a move (old-fashioned gender roles?); and am even starting to doubt if she likes me enough. I also measure relationship success by sexual chemistry and while I can see that we have it, I find it super strange that there have been So Many opportunities but the person hasn't made a move.
Any advise appreciated!

[Have Hope]

What if you talked about it with her, presenting the fact that you would like to take sex to the next level? There’s no way to know unless you bring it up. Otherwise you’re guessing and speculating.

[Open Eyes]

It could be that while she has an attraction and is interested, she lacks experience and skills and is uncomfortable letting you know that. She may lack the confidence in herself to engage with you so she is being reserved and careful.

[What_the_hell]

We talked about our past relationships and she actually has more experience in sex than me. She's had longer relationships and a crazy party phase. She is also 8 years older than me. From her stories and her personality it doesn't seem like she's shy about sex at all; she also does swimming and pole dancing and is very free in her body language, has confidence in her looks. Which makes me even more puzzled lol

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by What_the_hell

We talked about our past relationships and she actually has more experience in sex than me. She's had longer relationships and a crazy party phase. She is also 8 years older than me. From her stories and her personality it doesn't seem like she's shy about sex at all; she also does swimming and pole dancing and is very free in her body language, has confidence in her looks. Which makes me even more puzzled lol

Again, without talking about it and addressing it directly, you are only left to guess and speculate. You will not get answers unless you talk to her about it.

[What_the_hell]

I am going to give it a shot!! Somehow, i'm used to the physical part of relationships being quite easy and not something I ever had to discuss.. Maybe there's a lesson for me here.

[MsLady]

I agree with Have Hope. You need to open up this conversation with her.

She may have had a lot of sexual experience but it doesn't mean she has a high sex drive. She may be comfortable with her body, etc, but doesn't mean she's comfortable initiating.

Maybe it is a gender issue. Many women (but not all) feel more comfortable being pursued.. just like you.

So my question is, if you spent all that time massaging, why not take it further? Because "you're" shy.. and maybe she's going by "your" comfort level.. but wants to assure you she's definitely interested.

[Crazy Hitch]

You've only been together for one month. Some people aren't comfortable taking things to the next level that quickly. Enjoy what you've got sounds like fun

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by What_the_hell

I am going to give it a shot!! Somehow, i'm used to the physical part of relationships being quite easy and not something I ever had to discuss.. Maybe there's a lesson for me here.

Yes, give it a shot. This may be new territory for you, but honest and open communication is the cornerstone of a strong relationship. You won't find out until you ask.

[Open Eyes]

It sounds like she wants you to pursue her and you are used to being the one pursued. So you may clear that up by just asking her if that’s what she is expecting.

[Abusedbysister]

I think the key is communicating with her directly what you want and see what she says. Sometimes giving signals may not work as well, especially if both partners are shy.