What do you do when a friend is distant?

This is a male friend but not a love interest..we are really good friends and pretty close. Recently, he had a birthday and me, him, fam, friends celebrated the entire weekend. He had a full house. Then, he started to become distant, sleeping all day etc. I noticed he meets up with his male friends spontaneously but has not mentioned us hanging out. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, we have had moments where we would take a break for a couple weeks or so because he would hang out with his other guy friends or take time to himself. I know that the weekend was rather overwhelming for him, and I do have a tendency to act needy instead of just allowing him to have some space...I even asked him about it and he confirmed what I said was true. I took it to heart, but I don’t really think it has anything to do with me. The more I will push the further away he will pull...like the rubber band effect. I guess he is in his man cave for the time being. I have been the one reaching out for almost a week, so I’ve decided I am not going to reach out again for a while. Even if we don’t talk for a couple weeks...I’m not really giving him a chance to miss me by chasing him....Thoughts?

If he has not responded to your efforts to reach out then give him some space.

I think it’s perfectly normal and reasonable for people to split their time between family members and different friends and work and alone time and other obligations. It’s not possible to maintain frequent contact and have frequent get together together with every single friend.

Do you have more of a romantic feeling for him rather than just being friends? Do you feel the same way about your female friends? Being concerned if they don’t hang out with you frequently? Or not calling you daily?

I wonder if this friendship brings you joy? It was miserable when you were in a relationship with him and is miserable when you aren’t. By now you know who he is. He’s been like this since you’ve met. It sounds stressful. Would you consider expanding your friendship circle or taking up hobbies so you aren’t preoccupied with him?

Sleeping all day can be a sign of depression.

I am going to focus on other things and expand my circle. I feel maybe if I wasn’t so focused on HIM all the time that it wouldn’t bother me so much.

yes....he has a history of it

Drinkers often sleep a lot. Alcohol is a depressant plus drinkers aren’t usually physically well due to drinking

Yes they sleep a lot due to being hungover. He drinks so much that he doesn’t get hangovers too often at all..he will sleep for days at a time until he starts feeling bad about himself to snap out of it.

He sounds very unhealthy. Is he a good friend? If not, I’d probably disengage.

If he has a problem with alcohol he is self medicating with a depressant that he turned to possibly deal with anxiety issues possibly an escape from feeling due to possible trauma he experienced. People with this challenge experience highs and lows mood swings and tend to lack in normal adult problem solving skills. And they can act impulsive and have anger out bursts even rage ranting episodes

It can feel like you are dealing with someone that has more than one personality. Some have mentioned a doctor Jeckle and Mr Hyde and the euphoric third personality as well.

We have became close friends. What bothers me is how he will all of a sudden go silent with no real explanation why. Usually just out of the blue and I am like hmmm 🤔

Wow you hit the nail on the head. He has frequent outbursts and anxiety attacks.

His behaviors sound very common for people with substance abuse problems. Very sad. But you didn’t cause it and you can’t fix it and you can’t change it but if he wants to seek help, it’s available.

You have to live your own life though. It’s too short to worry why somebody is distant. I get it. You are quite attached but do get busy with other stuff, there is no benefit in making him the center of your world. There is more to life. You can do it.

Your friend has to admit he has a problem and make the choice to do something about it There is help and support out there if he wants it.

For myself, once I find out there is a problem I walk away. I have learned that if a person isn’t willing to recognize they have a problem there is nothing I can do. And I distance. There are too many lies and babysitting and coddling that comes with this problem. Not to mention the mood changes and anger and impulsiveness and euphorias that go along in their cycle again. No thanks.