[coolibrarian]

What do you do when you feel left out, excluded, ignored?

[nottrustin]

Logically or emotionally? Logically I know that is likely not about me, there was no intent to hurt me on the part of others.

Emotionally, it triggers my feelings on not being good enough or important. T said something yesterday that has caused me think. She said that I am making others responsible for my happiness and self worth. If those people do something that hurts me I am making them responsible for my unhappiness.

It is really hard though because my narrative has been "if you were a better person my parent would not have abandoned me". It is a lot of work to change that.

[divine1966]

Sadly there isn’t much one can do but think it’s not about you really

But again it depends. Are these people family members? Friends? I’d look for new friends. Family you can’t choose so I guess I’d keep my interaction with them to a minimum. My husband has some relatives like this. We keep interaction to an absolute minimum.

[Open Eyes]

Honestly? Sometimes I am actually grateful because I don’t want to be a part of the “drama” and the “getting high or drunk”. Some actually never grow up and instead remain “partiers” like their senior year in high school or freshman year at college.

I tend to think of a box in different environments. And a lot of the time the most needy and self centered fills that box the most. When this type of individual experiences something everyone else is pushed aside and this individual makes it a point to take up the space in the box.

Often there tends to be a pair that takes over the box or space. I have seen this on school busses, classrooms, neighborhoods, work places, and clubs.
Typically it’s the drama queen and the enabler. (Or drama king). Everyone else is supposed to accommodate this and allow these individuals to fill the box or space.

Well, it’s important to keep in mind that more often than not “sheet floats”. The box or environment becomes about “them”. Not going along or fitting in doesn’t mean a person isn’t worthy or without value. All it means is the box is full of the “drama” that takes priority. Everything is about them being seen and heard the most. Others are only important as long as they go along with this and understand who is supposed to be the center of attention.

Rejection doesn’t mean having no value or worth. It may feel like that especially in ones childhood. Yet it doesn’t mean how it feels and it can take anyone time to understand that. Instead the reason this happens is due to a parents or others inability to connect in a normal caring respectful way. The praise is in fact all about THEM and their need to be the center of attention. Being left out leaves room to grow rather than follow or get sucked into the constant “drama”.