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Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Sc
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#1
Its been a while since i’ve been here but i need help. Im suffering as the guy i’ve been with for a year has been awful to me. Im embarrassed and ashamed. He is a functioning narcissistic alcoholic who refuses to acknowledge it. He says he drinks to relax. Well large bottles of straight liquor a day to me is not relaxing as one glass of wine is. He”s an angry drunk too. He refuses to spend time with me now, has poor hygiene won’t tend to his foot odor, won’t brush his teeth, spends only about 2 minutes in shower so he never really smells good, has verbally abused me, taken food out of my hand and thrown it to the floor and expected me to eat it he felt it was ok to eat it since it was still in a box. Im always to blame for everything. He said I was breaking him financially when he has never paid a bill of mine or bought me anything and we don’t Go anywhere so how is it me!?!? He said I was weak and fake when he’s the alcoholic (weak) and lied about how he wanted to do this and do that for me in the beginning only to never do anything but degrade me. He criticizes my food and praises the food of other mens wives. And honestly some of there food was bland. The gifts ive gotten him for birthday and Xmas were not worn because he said he already had clothes or he would question the item and say what made you buy that. So he was ungrateful as well. He got mad once because i never took him to meet any family other than my parents yet he’s always too drunk or smelly or working so how could i!??! I think he’s even gone to work after drinking because now he can’t operate the company machines anymore because they’ve been getting damaged. He got defensive with his boss about that and i think he’s guilty of damaging the machines. Typing this i see I have endured a lot and now its like i have to beg him for time when I really should be glad he doesn’t wanna be around but im at battle with myself and ashamed for allowing this and just wish he would see the person i am and have been to him. I want to block him without saying why i just want to be done without the feelings and tears. Who i met last year is noT who he is today so i feel like he was the fake one.
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Bill3, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Bill3
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#2
What is stopping you from blocking him and moving on? |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Sc
Posts: 74
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#3
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Bill3, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Bill3
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#4
What would it be like to be alone?
In what way do you think that you might possibly have failed? |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Sc
Posts: 74
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#5
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i feel like i failed myself enduring his crap. He made me think i was unworthy and even told me i needed to make myself worthy of him. Yet nothing i did was enough. |
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Bill3, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, WovenGalaxy
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Bill3
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#6
It will never get better and will only be detrimental to your mental health. You are dealing with an abusive mean drunk. Get this toxic person out of your life. You deserve better.
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Ladytmt, RoxanneToto
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#7
Suppose you treat yourself better by blocking him and getting him out of your life.
What then might you do to address the loneliness? |
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RoxanneToto
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#8
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You are so right. It already is affecting me mentally. Anxiety feelings and worthless feelings. Since they think they do no wrong it makes me feel as if i must be terrible when I’m not the one abusing alcohol. |
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Bill3, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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#9
It's not that this kind of person thinks, the alcohol is changing their brain chemistry, often they don't think or care. That's why a person drinks in the first place, they don't want to think or care.
You don't deserve to experience this individual's drunkin craziness. Some individuals get real mean when they consume alcohol and they even physically abuse their wife and even their children. There is NOTHING positive or healthy about this relationship for you, just miseray and agreeing to be a victim. |
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Ladytmt, RoxanneToto
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#10
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Bill3, Innerzone, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Bill3, guy1111, RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
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#11
This pain is temporary in comparison to staying with him. Well done for making such a positive but difficult decision for yourself.
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Ladytmt
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#12
Thanks it really hurts knowing someone doesn’t care. And his selfishness is something i’ve never seen in anyone. The gifts he gave me were never things i liked they were things he liked. He never really took interest in me to know and learn things about me.
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Innerzone, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
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#13
I'm sorry you suffered through this. That sounds awful! Yes, I also suggest you get out now because alcoholism only gets WAY worse. Trust me. You might also want to try "al-anon". It is a great program for people who gravitate towards alcoholics, addicts, and co-dependant people.
You sound like a lovely person who knows their feelings and interests and are full of life. Take care! |
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Ladytmt
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Ladytmt, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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#14
I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this. People often use the term "functional alcoholic" but what does that mean exactly? To me there is nothing functional about an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic and have been sober for years and even on my "good days" in the past, in hindsight I would never say I was actually functional.This man is dangerous. Do you have any children together? Does he have kids? It is only a matter of time that he will go from smacking food out of your hand to smacking you.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Ladytmt, Open Eyes
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#15
[QUOTE=sarahsweets;6924153]I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this. People often use the term "functional alcoholic" but what does that mean exactly? To me there is nothing functional about an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic and have been sober for years and even on my "good days" in the past, in hindsight I would never say I was actually functional.This man is dangerous. Do you have any children together? Does he have kids? It is only a matter of time that he will go from smacking food out of your hand to smacking you.[/
Thanks for your response and congrats on your sobriety. Functional is a tricky term. He works a full time job so maybe thats the “functional” part for him BUT there are problems at work. He has damaged machines. Gotten in trouble for being on his phone etc. and did not take responsibility for any of this he blamed everything he’s been talked to by management on someone else . He gets mad very quickly as well so in essence i guess this really isn’t functional.I truly believe alcohol isn’t enough for him at times and that he has been abusing drugs as well. He won’t admit to it though and gets defensive if questioned about it. As if alcohol isn’t shameful but drugs are. We don’t have kids together but he has 2 kids that he never spends time with all he does is send them money. Dangerous is right. My biggest fear is he will drive drunk and kill someone. He has no problem getting behind the wheel and driving recklessly drunk. He always thinks he’s ok to drive and will. There were times i’ve had to drive back from somewhere with him passed out in the passenger seat because he’s too messed up to drive. |
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RoxanneToto
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#16
Someone should call and report him anonymously about his driving while intoxicated. Innocent people do get killed by people like this. If it's his choice to destroy his life so be it, but it's not fair that his self destructive behavior put others at risk. And if he gets caught driving under the influence he will then be under surveillance and when he gets caught again he will lose his license. His life has to suffer the consequence of his drinking enough that he finally hits bottom and admits he is powerless over the alcoholism. Until that happens you and everyone else will be suffering and like I mentioned it could cost someone that doesn't deserve it their life.
Last edited by Open Eyes; Sep 03, 2020 at 10:16 AM.. |
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Ladytmt, RoxanneToto, sarahsweets
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#17
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He always seems to escape consequences of anything because in most situations he can and will blame someone else. I never saw him take responsibility for anything. But driving under the influence can’t be blamed on anyone but him and I can’t believe he hasn’t gotten caught or at least pulled over for a sobriety test. It seems he gets away with everything. Maybe its a matter of time, especially since I'm not there to take his keys anymore. I was in the car with him once about a year ago and I couldn’t bare to keep my eyes open as he drove. If any car that was in front of him slammed on brakes for any reason he would have hit them. The next day he didn’t even remember driving. I never got in the passenger seat again. He doesn’t believe in wearing a seatbelt either for fear of getting trapped. |
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#18
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__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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#19
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RoxanneToto
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guy1111
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Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
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#20
It sounds like he has a drinking problem that stems from insecurities and personal issues. You think you need to help him address these issues first.
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