[Disney2019]

As much as I would love to get out there and start dating again, I’m going to be alone for at least 3 months. I don’t want to repeat mistakes, and I have to quit being so soft and a doormat. Need to build my self esteem to be stronger...right now I’m just too vulnerable and it’s going to take time to heal from the hurt I endured. Not going to let men use me and take advantage of me anymore.

[quietlylost]

These are definitely good goals. I think it's important to note too that working on yourself and things such as boundaries, self-worth, and self-advocacy are things that take time even in a relationship to develop.

For me, I've found that whatever romantic relationship I've been in I default to past patterns of self-sacrifice, withholding my own needs and feelings, and giving up much of myself to help care for the other person. That's even with breaks between relationships and also working with therapists.

It can take time to undo some of our past patterns. It takes commitment and it also takes self-compassion. Try to be kinder to yourself when you do fall into those patterns and also give yourself permission to grow over time. It's not an all-or-nothing process.

Good luck on this journey. You deserve happiness and love!

[Disney2019]

Originally Posted by quietlylost

These are definitely good goals. I think it's important to note too that working on yourself and things such as boundaries, self-worth, and self-advocacy are things that take time even in a relationship to develop.

For me, I've found that whatever romantic relationship I've been in I default to past patterns of self-sacrifice, withholding my own needs and feelings, and giving up much of myself to help care for the other person. That's even with breaks between relationships and also working with therapists.

It can take time to undo some of our past patterns. It takes commitment and it also takes self-compassion. Try to be kinder to yourself when you do fall into those patterns and also give yourself permission to grow over time. It's not an all-or-nothing process.

Good luck on this journey. You deserve happiness and love!

Thanks...one step at a time. Trying to distract myself..

[divine1966]

It’s wise.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by quietlylost

These are definitely good goals. I think it's important to note too that working on yourself and things such as boundaries, self-worth, and self-advocacy are things that take time even in a relationship to develop.

For me, I've found that whatever romantic relationship I've been in I default to past patterns of self-sacrifice, withholding my own needs and feelings, and giving up much of myself to help care for the other person. That's even with breaks between relationships and also working with therapists.

It can take time to undo some of our past patterns. It takes commitment and it also takes self-compassion. Try to be kinder to yourself when you do fall into those patterns and also give yourself permission to grow over time. It's not an all-or-nothing process.

Good luck on this journey. You deserve happiness and love!

Good post. hugs and respect

[sarahsweets]

Anytime someone gets out of a bad relationship I always think its best to wait double the amount of time you were in one.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Anytime someone gets out of a bad relationship I always think its best to wait double the amount of time you were in one.

I think you mean half the time? @sarahsweets Or Something.

If someone was married for 20 years and got divorced at 50. I don’t think it’s realistic to wait 40 years to date, you’d be 90. My husband was in a bad marriage, long one. If he waited to date double the time, he’d be over 100 years old to start dating lol He sure would never met me. I’d be long dead or married to someone else!

Average recommendation is to have enough time process what happened. Some people need a year some 5 years and some never truly process anything. Another recommendation is to wait a minimum of a year.

Wait double the time just isn’t realistic with long term relationships or any relationships unless it was really brief

[Prycejosh1987]

The way to stop being a doormat is to learn from your mistakes and also set boundaries and laws, that are confining in you and the other person.