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Legendary
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
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#21
@sarahsweets;
I said in my reply to OpenEyes that my daddy's family are hardcore bigots. They hate anyone who does not look and think like them. I'm glad we live at opposite ends of the country. I'd probably end up shooting off my mother to them if I had to deal with them now. I think you are wise to not spend the holidays with your uncle, etc. I might be spending the holidays with family of my best friend. The relatives are very conservative, very bigoted. I'm trying to sort out what I can say or do if they start in. On one hand I don't want to have to listen to hate speech. On the other hand, I will be at their home. There's no way in hades I'm going to change the way they think/believe. I'm thinking of asking them not to use those words around me. As for why racist/bigoted people seem to be everywhere lately... I believe they've been around all along. It's that the current environment gives them permission to be open about it. |
Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#22
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Perhaps the fear for them is accepting, some can NEVER accept and simply choose to hate. What gets me is hating due to skin color. My husband has olive skin color as he takes after his mother who comes from Portugal and portugese heritage. My daughter inherited what I consider a beautiful skin color, always somewhat tan? What I did not know until she was older is how she faced discrimination where some of her piers insisted she must be mexican or hispanic and was not "white" enough. Ugh, she never told me that when it happened and kept it to herself. My daughter was stunningly beautiful in her high school years, she did not think so according to her piers. (Just want to mention I live in a VERY blue state) So it's unfortunate in that some individuals do "hate due to skin color", yes you are right. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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#23
“Equal opportunity bigots”. Lol I know it’s not funny but made me chuckle, equal opportunity haters. Hate everyone who isn’t like them. I am convinced hate comes from ignorance. Some people don’t comprehend much and don’t know much (not due to cognitive limitations, simply due to lack of desire to learn anything), live isolated lives, read conspiracy theories, repeat what others say mindlessly, never travelled and never experienced diversity and are too lazy to learn. Sadly their ignorance causes problems to others who are on a receiving end of their hatred. Sad.
I kind of agree that most people don’t change their ways. But some do. The ones willing to learn and explore and step out of their limited surrounding and open their horizons. Some do change their ways. For example, I know people who were convinced that homosexuality is a choice, they simply lack education and knowledge on the matter. When they made an effort to learn, they discovered how wrong they were. It’s commendable. It’s never too late to learn and grow. There is hope for some people. |
lizardlady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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#24
Oh I agree lizard lady, bigots were always there. They are just more comfortable exposing their views right now.
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Quietmind 2
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#25
I grew up with Black kids as friends my entire life. My best friend in 1st grade was a Black boy in my class My 2nd best friend was a Hispanic boy. My 3rd best friend was an Asian girl. In first grade! My parents would let me walk home from school to their houses (this was in the 1970s). I learned about these 3 cultures from my elementary school friends’ families, which I’m so grateful for.
The rude awakening came by the time I hit high school. Kids in high school and college can and are SO racist, when they don’t grow up in a family environment where tolerance of all races is the norm. I remember eating dinner at my friend Kyle’s when I was 8 years old. His older siblings and his parents just accepted me — this little while girl — for who I was, not b/c I was white. They taught me about soul food, gospel music, and were really nice to me and I always felt happy at Kyle’s house. But the kids I went to high school with — rich white kids who never experienced racial diversity and were just complete assholes to any minority students who were enrolled there. I’ll never forget it. Same story at my college; despite the racial diversity, racist white kids galore there from wealthy families. My best friend in college was a Black gal from Detroit. She was so much fun! We were great friends. I have zero tolerance for racists. Maybe that makes me as bad as the racists? That I won’t tolerate bigotry? |
Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#26
Oh I disagree as what I shared about my daughter happened 20 years ago. I also learned there can be bigotry/dicrimination in both political parties. Perhaps it's more evident when one is older and experienced it. That being said, it tends to be more prevelent in areas in the south.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#27
Quote:
Last edited by Open Eyes; Oct 21, 2020 at 04:42 PM.. |
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Legendary
Member Since Nov 2002
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#28
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Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#29
Thanks Liz, I have lived all my life in the northeast so I don't have first hand experience other than what I have read when it comes to the south. However, when I was younger and my parents did take us down south they mentioned behaviors were going to be a bit different so we would be better prepared for what we saw/experienced. Yes, you are right in that it is more closeted in the north, yet it's still there as I mentioned.
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#30
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unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#31
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What doesn't make sense to me is KNOWING how a person has said racist things, knowing because I was alive when it happened and I saw the affects of it first hand and facing people that want you think IT'S OKAY. That a person stands beside him even though this person pointed out the hipocracy he represents. And it isn't just once or long ago either, things are STILL stated that show it's still THERE. YES, you are right in that it makes ZERO sense. Yet, I am told to be TOLARANT? "You aint black if you don't vote for me, I own you"? Not 40 years ago, said NOW. A black man becomes president and here is this individual literally claiming this black man's success like HE owns it? Oh, that's right I have to pretend and tolerate. And god forbid I say anything either. Why can't I be able to talk about the individual without it somehow being not allowed or erased? Last edited by Open Eyes; Oct 22, 2020 at 12:53 PM.. |
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Legendary
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Location: USA
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#32
@sarahsweets
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Whether Trump wins or loses, it sounds like the discussions at Thanksgiving are going to be offensive and painful. You've requested many times not to be exposed to that. Perhaps you should not compromise those requests in order to bail her out if she chooses to accept those discussions. Perhaps you should stick to your guns. On the other hand, if you pressure her to have a convo that she doesn't want to have, you perhaps are intervening in something that doesn't concern you: her relationship with her brother. If she wants to use Fauci to avoid a difficult conversation, perhaps that is up to her to decide. |
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divine1966, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#33
@sarahsweets i agree with bill3. If you have something you want to say to this family, you are welcome, but i dont think you should dictate to other people what they should say? Does Miss Manners have an RSVP form letter for that? Easy for me to say, i have been avoiding family gatherings for a few years now. COVID is just leveling the playing field for me.
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#34
Behavior! In 2012 two men sit across from each other for a debate that I sit and watch, many sat and watched. One man literally interupts the other man "72" times, laughs at him, condescends to him and bullies him. The next day I learned that the individual who behaved so badly won that debate. Does that make sense? When is that behavior acceptable?
Tolerance? This past Tuesday two police officers went to a domestic situation call. They did not think it was as bad as it was because no violence had taken place. They faced an Illegal that had a gun and shot at them Killing one officer and injuring the other. The officer that was killed was a black man who was a very respected family man and getting ready to retire. And the Illegal already had a record. Where is BLM? Why is this not something all the news is covering? Doesn't this black man's life matter? Would it have helped if these officers had a psychologist in the car with them? Would it have helped if they shot this other man in the leg? Do people get to know that often the most dangerous calls are domestic disturbances? Tolerance? What does this have to do with the OP's situation? Because there are times that it doesn't really make a difference to say anything. That people will not listen if it's not something they care to hear. That trying to say something may even end up with the person being hated. And often the parent just tries to get along and accept or tolerate, after all, it's family. Last edited by Open Eyes; Oct 22, 2020 at 02:47 PM.. |
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#35
This thread has been closed for administrative review.
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