Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Oh I disagree as what I shared about my daughter happened 20 years ago. I also learned there can be bigotry/dicrimination in both political parties. Perhaps it's more evident when one is older and experienced it. That being said, it tends to be more prevelent in areas in the south.

When your early imprinting allows you to experience others of different races/colors/ethnicities/religions comfortably it can be a bit of a shocker once you get exposed to racism/discrimination and prejudice. Yes, now that you mention it, it was high school and college that my daughter was challenged.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes Oh I disagree as what I shared about my daughter happened 20 years ago. I also learned there can be bigotry/dicrimination in both political parties. Perhaps it's more evident when one is older and experienced it. That being said, it tends to be more prevelent in areas in the south.

Open Eyes, having grown up in the north and lived my adult life in the south neither one has more discrimination/bigotry. Southerners are just more open about it. In general a bigot in the south is open about their bigotry. In the north, again in general, bigots closet their ugly thoughts. They act accepting when a minority person is present, but the ugliness comes out when they are gone.

Thanks Liz, I have lived all my life in the northeast so I don't have first hand experience other than what I have read when it comes to the south. However, when I was younger and my parents did take us down south they mentioned behaviors were going to be a bit different so we would be better prepared for what we saw/experienced. Yes, you are right in that it is more closeted in the north, yet it's still there as I mentioned.

Yup. Great points. No I don’t think not accepting bigotry makes us just as bad as them. Actually bigots like to claim that those who don’t accept bigotry are intolerant and accepting prejudice is a form of tolerance. It makes zero sense.

Good point divine and thinking back when my mother explained to me how blacks were treated I was too young to even think about accepting. The conversation that took place was meant to impress on me that it was simply NOT okay.

What doesn't make sense to me is KNOWING how a person has said racist things, knowing because I was alive when it happened and I saw the affects of it first hand and facing people that want you think IT'S OKAY. That a person stands beside him even though this person pointed out the hipocracy he represents. And it isn't just once or long ago either, things are STILL stated that show it's still THERE.

YES, you are right in that it makes ZERO sense. Yet, I am told to be TOLARANT? "You aint black if you don't vote for me, I own you"? Not 40 years ago, said NOW. A black man becomes president and here is this individual literally claiming this black man's success like HE owns it? Oh, that's right I have to pretend and tolerate. And god forbid I say anything either. Why can't I be able to talk about the individual without it somehow being not allowed or erased?

@sarahsweets

Hi @sarahsweets, I here offer some "devil's advocate" food for thought:

Whether Trump wins or loses, it sounds like the discussions at Thanksgiving are going to be offensive and painful. You've requested many times not to be exposed to that. Perhaps you should not compromise those requests in order to bail her out if she chooses to accept those discussions. Perhaps you should stick to your guns.

On the other hand, if you pressure her to have a convo that she doesn't want to have, you perhaps are intervening in something that doesn't concern you: her relationship with her brother. If she wants to use Fauci to avoid a difficult conversation, perhaps that is up to her to decide.

@sarahsweets i agree with bill3. If you have something you want to say to this family, you are welcome, but i dont think you should dictate to other people what they should say? Does Miss Manners have an RSVP form letter for that? Easy for me to say, i have been avoiding family gatherings for a few years now. COVID is just leveling the playing field for me.

Behavior! In 2012 two men sit across from each other for a debate that I sit and watch, many sat and watched. One man literally interupts the other man "72" times, laughs at him, condescends to him and bullies him. The next day I learned that the individual who behaved so badly won that debate. Does that make sense? When is that behavior acceptable?

Tolerance?

This past Tuesday two police officers went to a domestic situation call. They did not think it was as bad as it was because no violence had taken place. They faced an Illegal that had a gun and shot at them Killing one officer and injuring the other. The officer that was killed was a black man who was a very respected family man and getting ready to retire. And the Illegal already had a record. Where is BLM? Why is this not something all the news is covering? Doesn't this black man's life matter?

Would it have helped if these officers had a psychologist in the car with them? Would it have helped if they shot this other man in the leg? Do people get to know that often the most dangerous calls are domestic disturbances?

Tolerance?

What does this have to do with the OP's situation? Because there are times that it doesn't really make a difference to say anything. That people will not listen if it's not something they care to hear. That trying to say something may even end up with the person being hated. And often the parent just tries to get along and accept or tolerate, after all, it's family.

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