[window1]

My boyfriend of almost 3 years asked me to marry him the beginning of October. He brought the subject up and told me he wanted his future to be with me and he was certain. About 3 weeks later he said he was having cold feet. We didn't talk for a week. I texted him and asked if he wanted to talk. He said he did but I "should know" he was "seeing" his ex wife. His ex wife has borderline personality disorder and is an alcoholic. I can't stop playing scenarios over and over in my mind.

[Yaowen]

Dear window1,

I am so sorry this happened to you and that you are in this situation. It sounds just utterly heartbreaking. I wish I knew what to say that would be helpful. Hopefully you will find these Forums helpful to you. I want to welcome you here and tell you that my heart goes out to you in your suffering!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[Open Eyes]

Why are you leaving things up to him?

If he proposed to you and is now seeing his ex who has these problems, it sounds like you are dodging a bullet if you leave him and YOU make the decision. Don't waste your time imagining what is going on. Step away and move on and look for greener healther pastures.

Marriage doesn't change toxic, this is a red flag you need to listen to. Marriage can bring many more problems than it's worth and it's not the be all and end all.

[*Beth*]

The emotional pain you're feeling must be monumental. That said, the man sounds dysfunctional (to say the least). Dust yourself off and move on. What do you think?

[herbal tea]

I think it's better to forget about him if he's so fickle. Living with him will be a continuous torment because you will not be able to be sure of him. Moreover, if he "sees" his ex, then he is also a cheater.

It is very sad that you have to go through this. But it may be better that it happened now than when you were already married. And so you will not waste time on it.

I am sure that you will have a better man who will appreciate you and who will be sure that he wants to marry you.

[sarahsweets]

How long did you date? How long were you engaged?

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by window1

My boyfriend of almost 3 years asked me to marry him the beginning of October. He brought the subject up and told me he wanted his future to be with me and he was certain. About 3 weeks later he said he was having cold feet. We didn't talk for a week. I texted him and asked if he wanted to talk. He said he did but I "should know" he was "seeing" his ex wife. His ex wife has borderline personality disorder and is an alcoholic. I can't stop playing scenarios over and over in my mind.

I'm so sorry. What a shock that must have been!

How long ago did he and his ex wife split and how long before you two were dating? If it wasn't long, he may not have been over his last relationship yet.

Better you find out now than after the wedding, as someone else suggested.

[Prycejosh1987]

It sounds like he needs to make a decision on what he wants and who he wants. You may need to force his hand, because the situation is too tricky and unhealthy to be sustained.

[MickeyCheeky]

i am so Sorry this is Happening! i think You need to to talk to him about ALL of this and see where to go from there. Ask him if he's actually serious about the relationship And if You feel like he isn't then i am Sorry to say that it may be Better to break things up Now. SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @window1, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?! .yourock:

[Fuzzybear]

Thinking of you and sending warm thoughts