advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 21, 2020 at 07:21 PM
  #21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Yes, you do keep up with a lot of studies and it's wonderful that you have all that knowledge and can use it to benefit others, I respect that immensely. You have access to the actual research vs what the average individual reads so that's another huge plus.


I agree that there is more to this challenge than your nephews ADHD. And you are seeing things that are very unhealthy and it's hard to advocate for your nephew when you're dealing with your older brother at the same time who is having his own ongoing challenges. And the wild card is the mother who seems very controlling and that's always a big challenge. Add to that the pandemic and how that limits the way the children can distance for their own mental health which makes it even harder.


Is that beach open that you took your dog to? If it is open that would be a nice place to take your nephews so they can get out and away from the chaos. And they can see how you play with your dog who LOVES to play in the water. This pandemic and all the restrictions have made it hard to distance and do fun things. It's especially hard on young teens and children who really need to experience healthy activities.


Actually, what popped in my mind was these two going to visit your mother at her place where they can get out and explore and be away from the conflict.
I floated the idea of us all driving back east together for the holidays and my brother is contemplating.

I am supposed to go to the dog beach tomorrow. I go early though and I don't know if I can get my nephew up to join me. On weekdays I could probably get him to go though, even though that might affect school.

I'll see if he wants to go.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Open Eyes

advertisement
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 21, 2020 at 07:49 PM
  #22
Children need to be able to get away from the conflict. They can't be constantly in the middle of it back and forth between the parents.

If you do get him to the beach, even both of them. You can get down on the sand where you are sitting on your legs and show them that exercise I shared with you. It provides the release of energy and at the same time when you let your arms down and your hands hit your legs it allows you to feel yourself. Actually, that's healthier than cutting which is basically looking for release and feeling yourself. Raise the arms up high, take a deep breath then exhale with a big loud sigh dropping arms down and against the legs and body. Do it a few times, it really releases and works.

Something you could show your brother so he can release his tension which he is collecting so he doesn't release it on the children. Ptsd produces too much cortizol and doing this exercise actually releases it instead of having no place to release or understand that's what is needed.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 21, 2020 at 09:38 PM
  #23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Children need to be able to get away from the conflict. They can't be constantly in the middle of it back and forth between the parents.


If you do get him to the beach, even both of them. You can get down on the sand where you are sitting on your legs and show them that exercise I shared with you. It provides the release of energy and at the same time when you let your arms down and your hands hit your legs it allows you to feel yourself. Actually, that's healthier than cutting which is basically looking for release and feeling yourself. Raise the arms up high, take a deep breath then exhale with a big loud sigh dropping arms down and against the legs and body. Do it a few times, it really releases and works.


Something you could show your brother so he can release his tension which he is collecting so he doesn't release it on the children. Ptsd produces too much cortizol and doing this exercise actually releases it instead of having no place to release or understand that's what is needed.
Well, they don't want to go tomorrow so it will be a few weeks before we could try to go again. That's okay too. My beach hike is really my personal self care time. Not sure I want others along with me right now.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Open Eyes
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,752 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 21, 2020 at 11:14 PM
  #24
Just to let you know that i am reading wishing and hoping. I dont have much on advice. Except that, if their system is that toxic, then that is their worldview, and they will paint you with that brush.

Of course it is a good idea to change the things they can, like your nephew not being privy to your brother's teletherapy sessions. As long as somebody doesnt end up paying for it? Im saying that from my experience with my family. If i made a suggestion, they would find a way to twist it.

My mother once said to me, "why are you so concerned about your nephew? It's not your kid." I was dumbfounded. I guess for some people, the village can go suck eggs.

My heart is with you.
unaluna is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
KBMK, WovenGalaxy
 
Thanks for this!
KBMK, seesaw
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 21, 2020 at 11:45 PM
  #25
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Just to let you know that i am reading wishing and hoping. I dont have much on advice. Except that, if their system is that toxic, then that is their worldview, and they will paint you with that brush.


Of course it is a good idea to change the things they can, like your nephew not being privy to your brother's teletherapy sessions. As long as somebody doesnt end up paying for it? Im saying that from my experience with my family. If i made a suggestion, they would find a way to twist it.


My mother once said to me, "why are you so concerned about your nephew? It's not your kid." I was dumbfounded. I guess for some people, the village can go suck eggs.


My heart is with you.
I certainly hope my brother is open to hearing some suggestions from me. And I don't want to pick apart his parenting. I just want to help them all communicate better and thrive.

He doesn't get that he's driving away his son right now. He doesn't want his son to disappear on him when his son turns 18. He's also a little irritating me because sometimes I want to respond, "dude, you signed up for parenthood." Sometimes it sounds like he's resentful of his son and he needs to deal with that.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
unaluna
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,752 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 22, 2020 at 12:15 AM
  #26
Those are good insights. I see progress (in terms of detachment and options) from your earlier posts.
unaluna is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
seesaw
KBMK
Member
KBMK has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 402
3 yr Member
612 hugs
given
Default Nov 22, 2020 at 11:08 AM
  #27
Slightly off topic, but @openeyes , tried this exercise you mentioned today, when I needed to "reset", and it really did dissipate some stress, so thanks for that. It's really important to have strategies like this, and that's something that can be done much quicker than other strategies I have
@seesaw , I hope your brother is open to your suggestions! It's horrible to feel resented by parents. Your brother and nephew are lucky to have their sister/auntie so determined to help. I hope things get better, and you get some peace, and receive some gratitude
KBMK is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Open Eyes
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 22, 2020 at 09:47 PM
  #28
I went over to pick up my dog this morning, but we didn't have enough time alone to broach any of the things I wanted to talk about. But I will see him this weekend, alone, so hopefully I can talk to him then. The boys had a good time with my dog, and my brother said he thinks it helped a bit. So that's good.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
KBMK, Open Eyes, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
KBMK, unaluna
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 23, 2020 at 01:37 PM
  #29
@KBMK it does work and it seems weird and simple but it geniunely releases that pent up negative energy. Stress can get us all balled up and frustrated and by doing this exercise we are taking a physical action and it releases and calms down that urge to do something buildup. Our bodies are designed to react so doing this exercise releases that need for action. It helps clear the mind too which is why many who problem solve do so while walking. This is especially good for ADHD because the physical need to move is stronger. And that's why those with ADHD tend to rant and rage more, it's how they relieve that built up stress in themselves.

Often because that urge is stronger in ADHD and they don't know what that means, thats when they slam doors, punch walls, and become active. The fight flight uges are stronger in them than the average individual.
My husband literally HATES it when he is immobilized, he drove the staff at the hospital crazy and they literally had to lock him in his room. When my husband has pent up frustration, he brings it home and slams the door and heads to the kitchen and makes noise with dishes and cleans, that's his way of calming himself down, much like that exercise.

I don't mean to turn this thread back into that focus but I think that part of her brother's problem is not understanding this and it's something he may get triggered by unknowingly. If his son can hear his therapy sessions, he is absorbing and he has no way to fix it so he is building up pent up frustrations. And that means he gets these urges to experience some kind of motion for a release and if he can't have that he gets worse. And with his son going back and forth from one upset parent to another, his frustrations keep building inside of him and he has no place to get active to relieve it.

This has affected her nephew's sense of well being, he is absorbing too much and then he gets punished in ways that only immobilize him even more. That doesn't work for this type of individual. And now the one place he escaped to and probably got comforting was his girlfriend and now that is being taken away from him as well. It's no wonder his grades are dropping. And what's the punishment? Immobalization and that's only going to make it worse for him. If her brother is worried about his son leaving at 18? It's most likely exactly what he will do. And her brother better PRAY his son doesn't gravitate to drinking with friends, that's going to become something that will become an even bigger problem.

It can be hard to stand outside and see the dysfunction, and even as seesaw mentioned having the urge to say "hey, this is what you signed up for when you became a parent". However, a lot of parents genuinely miss important things and they only think they are parenting but in reality they are not parenting the child that struggles with adhd or whatever correctly.

All my childhood and into my teen years I saw my older brother abused and punished and I KNEW he needed HELP and was not a bad child. I literally prayed constantly for someone to see what he needed and step in and help him. What I was praying for was an advocate however, at that time that did not exist for children like my brother who had severe adhd. He was treated like he was stupid, however, I know if he was tested by today's standards they would have discovered he actually had genuis level IQ.

Parenting isn't about getting children to obey and live according to what a parent decides. Parenting is paying attention to your child and parenting them according to how they best function and helping them learn about themselves so they can develop their own healthy identity.

seesaw is paying attention, noticed how her nephew responded to medication, how he got so frustrated he started to cut. That's a red flag that the medication is NOT working, but instead is probably working against him. The answer was definitely NOT to increase the medication, more than likely it's not helping and making it worse.

This pandemic is immobilizing and for children and teens like her nephew, that is going to have a very negative affect. There is NO or very little motion, no going from one classroom to the next, no walking the school halls, no socializing, no sports or other physical outlets. The campuses are being restricted, so there is no walking and interacting on campuses. There is only just so much our youth can handle remotely with no true way of being active. Add to that how they are often exposed to their parents having relationship problems? Parents that are too distracted by their own relationship issues that most social interactions are NEGATIVE?

Well, at least the dog helped a little because of it's motion and ability to be receptive. But that's not enough in this situation, these boys need a release that is being ignored.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
KBMK
 
Thanks for this!
KBMK
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Trig Nov 24, 2020 at 12:32 AM
  #30
That went downhill really fast. I just got a call that they are at the ER with my nephew because he threatened SI. I discussed with my brother putting him in a residential treatment facility - that can often be the best way for him to decompress, and the family to decompress. But what I'm hearing is just too volatile of a situation. I want to keep him out of the hospital psych ward, and out of the juvenile justice system. This is a better option than those two, and this is far beyond what Aunt Seesaw's peer support can do. Residential treatment is a bit like summer camp, so that could be a good environment for him. Ug.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...

Last edited by FooZe; Nov 24, 2020 at 04:28 AM.. Reason: added trigger icon
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Cardooney, KBMK, Open Eyes, rechu, unaluna
KBMK
Member
KBMK has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 402
3 yr Member
612 hugs
given
Default Nov 24, 2020 at 05:20 AM
  #31
So sorry to hear that Seesaw. I hope your brother takes your suggestion, and your nephew can get some time to process things in a safe space.
KBMK is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
seesaw, unaluna
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 24, 2020 at 09:58 AM
  #32
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBMK View Post
So sorry to hear that Seesaw. I hope your brother takes your suggestion, and your nephew can get some time to process things in a safe space.
Yeah, he has agreed with me. I explained to him what the process would be like briefly last night.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
KBMK, Open Eyes, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
KBMK
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 24, 2020 at 06:06 PM
  #33
Well, this is apparently a behavioral hospital, so he can be there longer and they do have some capacity for treatment. But I need to get my brother to stop trying to control my nephew's recovery.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes, unaluna
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 29, 2020 at 12:28 AM
  #34
Honestly, my brother is kind of being a jerk. He is just unloading and unloading and unloading on me. Like I'm some kind of emotional trashcan for him. When we talk, I try to help in the best way I know how, which is telling him what I know about this process. And he just always seems to want to yell at me about stuff. And there's nothing I can say. Honestly, I cannot do this anymore. This is why I avoid contact with most of my FOO because of this crappy way they treat each other. He got back in touch with me when he's going through a nasty divorce because he needs someone locally, family, on his side, for support. But it's all one-sided. He gets to just rip into me whenever he feels like it.

He has no clue what I go through on a daily basis with my psychiatric disabilities, and I try to help him in the best way I know how, and it's always just responding by yelling at me with all this defensiveness (when I haven't even said anything - like he says something then just starts yelling defending himself and I haven't said anything at all - and I have never said anything to at all suggest anything is his fault to be defensive over). It's all about him and his family and what they are going through. He doesn't have any clue, not one iota, of what I deal with daily.

I want to be there for him, but I cannot continue having one-sided conversations where it's all about him and his divorce and his kids. And I'm tired of being a punching bag when I'm trying to help.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes, unaluna
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,752 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 29, 2020 at 12:56 AM
  #35
Its weird how after we spend so much time in therapy, i kinda expected that my brother and i would speak the same language or somehow be able to acknowledge our shared experience, but it isnt like that at all. Its more like walking thru a mine field, which is so cliché, but... maybe like a bouncy house. No balancing. Every move sends you flying in an unexpected direction.
unaluna is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
KBMK, Open Eyes
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 29, 2020 at 01:19 AM
  #36
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Its weird how after we spend so much time in therapy, i kinda expected that my brother and i would speak the same language or somehow be able to acknowledge our shared experience, but it isnt like that at all. Its more like walking thru a mine field, which is so cliché, but... maybe like a bouncy house. No balancing. Every move sends you flying in an unexpected direction.
Some people progress in therapy, and others don't. I don't know how much therapy he's been going through, and I suspect it's not really anything more than having someone listen to him vent/rant.

I freaking swear. Well, I guess we're going back to being estranged. That makes me very sad that I won't be able to support my nephew because his father is too screwed up to care how others feel.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
KBMK, Open Eyes, unaluna
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 29, 2020 at 02:32 AM
  #37
And of course I told him how I felt and he started attacking me. He says he "cautiously" let me back in...Dude, you called me for support. I didn't beg your *** for help or contact or anything. I was perfectly fine with no contact. And while I will be again, I'm upset at what this might do to my nephew. I don't want to abandon him.

At least I don't need to question anymore. My family is truly screwed up, and I'm not making this crap up.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
KBMK, Open Eyes, unaluna
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention me?Thanks!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,752 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
66.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 29, 2020 at 02:57 AM
  #38
Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
... I'm upset at what this might do to my nephew. I don't want to abandon him... At least I don't need to question anymore. My family is truly screwed up, and I'm not making this crap up.
I so hear you. You are not making this up, and i think this shows how much work you have put into resolving family issues, and he simply did not.

You are making resolution (by listening to all sides) your mission in life; his is just control: listen to ME.
unaluna is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
KBMK, Open Eyes
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 29, 2020 at 10:09 AM
  #39
Your brother is not ready to be receptive the way you would like. Right now he has too many anchors weighing him down and he is looking for a presence to dump some of them on. He may be in therapy but he isn't at a stage in therapy where he has gained any actual skills yet.

He isn't at a place where he is capable of seeing YOUR pain or challenges either. He has too many weights he is carrying of his own that he has no idea how to let go of. It's very much like trying to rescue a drowning person and when you get near them all they can do is pull you down instead of allowing you to save them.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
KBMK, seesaw
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 29, 2020 at 10:29 AM
  #40
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Your brother is not ready to be receptive the way you would like. Right now he has too many anchors weighing him down and he is looking for a presence to dump some of them on. He may be in therapy but he isn't at a stage in therapy where he has gained any actual skills yet.


He isn't at a place where he is capable of seeing YOUR pain or challenges either. He has too many weights he is carrying of his own that he has no idea how to let go of. It's very much like trying to rescue a drowning person and when you get near them all they can do is pull you down instead of allowing you to save them.
Seriously the drowning person metaphor is spot on. But it's not just that. This isn't new stuff. He tried to bring stuff up from the past and say that I got angry out of nowhere and cut him off, and I was like that BS. Before I cut off contact entirely I had more than one conversation with you in which I confronted you for using me. When we reconnected he pretended not to know things that I had told him, and I'm just like, if you really didn't know these things or don't remember them then it's just proof that you didn't really care at all because I told you these things. We had intense conversations in which I told you these things.

And last night I said flat out to him, here are exactly the things that I specifically said to you before. I'm not going to let you pretend they didn't happen or I didn't say them directly to you anymore. When we reconnected and he pretended not to remember (or honestly didn't bc he's a self absorbed jerk) I let it slide because I thought "new day, that's in the past, fresh start). Then last night when I told him he was being hurtful and he starts attacking me, I just decided enough was enough. He doesn't get to make me into a villain or the bad guy.

It's 100% like before. No one has any problems but him. No one has feelings but him.

I didn't send nasty messages or anything. I just said here is what happened and here are the things you claim not to have known or remember. And since you don't care that you hurt me unless there is evidence, here are the things you are doing right now that are hurtful. And the thing is, even before I sent that I said to him that I struggle with severe mental illness on a daily basis, and he has never asked how I'm really doing or cared, and he didn't even acknowledge that. Just went on the attack.

He's not safe. I won't be around him. I gave it a shot. But I've sacrificed my life enough for this screwed up family, and I will not continue to do so.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
KBMK, Open Eyes, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
KBMK
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:42 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.