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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,258
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Dec 06, 2020 at 11:01 AM
#21
You decided to end the marriage. Steps have been taken as he has moved out. His trying to show up to plead to keep the marriage is probably done by everyone who doesn’t also want to end it. To have these conflicted feelings you have are also very ‘normal’.
If it turns into a back and forth where you take him back and throw him out over and over (I’m guilty of this), it is truly a toxic relationship. Yet, everything can improve with effort and understanding, if both work at it and want it to. It’s a personal decision. I’m not suggesting you stay or go. I hate to compare myself, it’s so hard not to do. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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 Have Hope, RoxanneToto
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,207
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Dec 06, 2020 at 11:13 AM
#22
Quote:
I would never take him back. It's unequivocally over for me. It's a very toxic relationship, and no amount of therapy would fix the problems. I see this as a fact, not just an opinion. He has completely broken all trust I had in him. He is very abusive, and I refuse to remain with an abuser. He is not only an abuser, but he is a highly manipulative narcissist. Narcs rarely can be treated. So there is NO hope and I am completely DONE with him. I know this for certain. So, I will be proceeding with a divorce. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,207
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,676 hugs
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Dec 06, 2020 at 04:42 PM
#23
More on trauma bonding:
Abuse amnesia - forgetting the abusive elements; you become blinded by the good parts of them, focused on the acts of kindness, which confuse the victim. WHY are THEY nice? They know that if they're kind you will lean into them more. It's also a part of their false image that they must uphold. It also serves YOUR dependence on THEM. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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