Need support through leaving my abusive husband, please

I offered to pay him for the items I am keeping. I initially offered to pay him $1000 for all of it, so $200 is quite fair in my mind. I don't even care. If it saves me the hassle and cost of having to buy new items myself? I'd rather pay him the $200 to get him off my back about it and to stop him from threatening to take all the items away. Yeah, it may seem ridiculous, but I just don't care anymore.

I don’t blame you for wanting things done correctly. I think your state system is confusing. We can file for no fault divorce too but it doesn’t have to be joint. I don’t understand them forcing people file jointly. It’s insane

If he will go around showing anyone divorce decree people would laugh. He is an idiot

I get it. You are offering him to pay for those things just shows you are a nice person and want to be done with him and you don’t want him to keep coming back for stuff. Him taking $200 is just so out there. He really needs $200, for a new stash? And he makes pretty hefty money, yet wants your $200. Threatening to take stuff? Well go ahead take it. Who cares about stuff?

What a terrible person. I get that you want to be done

I honestly don't understand our legal process either. But it's not a forced thing - As far as I recall, filing jointly is cheapest and also voluntary.

I would not put it past him to prove that he filed for divorce by showing papers to some new woman. He is that type of person to stoop that low. So for me, it's very important to get it right in the paperwork.

Well yeah if he gets married new wife will see it. I am just failing to understand why his new woman even matters? I saw my husbands decree many times because we have it in a our file with important documents and we were tied up to her paying her spousal support etc. No one saw my decree because neither I nor my ex remember what happen to it. No one looks at those. The only thing matters is statement that you are divorced, needed for marrying second time but not actual decree.

I just don’t want you to waste energy on things that don’t matter. Those are not important things. But I get that this is how you want things to be.

He is a terrible person. He promised those items to me all this time, then yesterday when I put my foot down about something, he threatened to take it all away. He is a bad man. I truly hate him. So, yes, giving him $200 is to keep him off my back. And yes, of course, the money is for cocaine, I am sure of it!!!

I understand. I am a stickler for details, and this matters to me. I had asked my husband to have his lawyer draft a no fault 1A agreement. He drafted a completely different type of agreement, and I am NOT ok with it.

I just wrote to my lawyer stating it needs to be reworked and that I refuse to sign any such divorce agreement that states he is the Plaintiff, and I am the Defendant. Screw that! He is NOT the one filing for divorce. I will NOT allow this. I am adamant about it.

You have to just file for divorce. You can pay lawyer out of a loan and then pay the loan back. You are going to make good money and pay it back in no time. As they say “don’t negotiate with terrorists”. You tried to negotiate joint divorce then his never ending moving out then him hiring movers then him leaving you the items. None of it worked in a long run. Don’t negotiate.

I will see how it goes with my lawyer on Monday. This could be an easy fix in the paperwork. I'd rather not use the loan for this.

You both could sign join petition and affidavit of a breakout marriage and file in court. It’s cheap and fast. If you wanted to do joint you had to follow procedure and be done. Nothing wrong with involving lawyers but they’ll drag it until cows come home. And that’s what had been happening. What goes in the agreement? Like nothing to put there really. Nothing to draft. Fill out those two forms, both sign and attach copy of marriage certificate. File. Done.

Instructions: Joint petition for divorce (Section 1A) court form | Mass.gov

I like details too but things have to make sense, that’s his lawyer. His lawyer not going to bother writing things how you want them. You aren’t paying him. If you want agreement that covers both of your interests and wordings, his lawyer isn’t the one who’ll bother with it.

This doesn’t need to be that complicated. If you don’t like to deal with legal paperwork, you hire a lawyer and tell them to file. If you wanted to show that you are the one initiating it, joint filing won’t do that. It still won’t show that it was your decision.

If you want all details be correct, they aren’t correct with joint petition. Joint petition states you both don’t want to be married and just both want to get a divorce. It won’t match details of what happened anyways as you said he is begging you not to divorce him. It’s still isn’t accurate attention to details

Accurate attention to details would be you file for divorce.

Thanks. I will see what my lawyer says on Monday, I hired him to negotiate the agreement and that's what he's being paid for. I don't agree with the way it is written, and it should be simple enough to alter some of the wording. No big deal, from my perspective.

If he tells me I cannot dictate this aspect, then I will go another route.. I will find out on Monday.

It's 4 AM. I have been awake since 3 AM. Peri-menopause is killing me.

And I'm crying. I should never have gotten married. The dissolution of my marriage has me very distraught right now. I was at my sister's home yesterday with her fiance. It was upsetting to be around them, all happy and content together. I've been lucky in that I haven't had to be around other couples at all for the last two months of my separation except for my parents.

I am also disgusted by my husband. He is despicable. I've caught onto all his manipulations over the last 2 months, and I see what a true dirtbag he is. In nearly every interaction we've had, he's been a manipulative liar. He also now claims that he was "shocked" to hear the divorce agreement was written as though he is filing for divorce! I know FULL WELL that this was HIS doing! He organized it this way... he lives with his lawyer for crying out loud. And he pretended as though he hadn't seen the agreement himself - BS!

I can't believe I didn't see the manipulations and lies while we were together. He manipulated me the WHOLE time, which makes me feel like a total FOOL.

This also makes me not trust my judgement whatsoever. I have lost faith in myself to judge people accurately.

My husband and I have not spoken in three days - that's the longest we've gone without talking in a long time. Today is day four.

I have determined that my lawyer really doesn't care much to help me - he is barely lifting a finger to do the work I hired him to do. And probably it's because I paid him a meagre flat rate of $500, but he's barely even working on this for me.

I spoke with him on the phone yesterday, and it seemed he was ready to step out at this point, although the divorce agreement is still NOT written to my satisfaction. So I sent him a follow up email, with all the changes that I require in the agreement, stating clearly that I want to see a revised agreement FIRST that I approve of, and then he can relinquish his duties.

I hired the wrong lawyer. I am not happy about this. He needs to at the very least DO the work I hired him to do! GEEZ!

I hate to see your understanding of this process and communication with your lawyer not being clear. The way I understand it, the divorce is a lawsuit. You are now being sued by your husband for divorce (dissolution of marriage). You can’t just change this to your liking. You are now the respondent and have to comply with the legal demands of the suit. He is divorcing you, whether you like it the way he is doing it or not. It really doesn’t matter who is the plaintiff. It’s a matter of your pride as to how you feel about this now, and I do understand how it hurts.

A $400/hr lawyer is not a cheap lawyer. It sounds to me like you paid him a $500 retainer and additional work is at that hourly rate.

Tisha, I don't know where you're coming from. My lawyer never mentioned that i am being sued - how is a lawsuit even coupled with or a part of an uncontested divorce agreement? If divorce IS a lawsuit, it was never mentioned to ME.

My lawyer said it CAN be revised, and he told me it is written incorrectly. This is what I hired him to do. To negotiate points in the divorce agreement. As far as I know. my husband has not filed for divorce.

I paid him a flat rate of $500 to negotiate the divorce agreement - he is not charging me a retainer plus hourly.

AND, my husband and I were supposed to jointly file for divorce! IF he were filing himself, then I understand I cannot change the language in the agreement. BUT, I was never informed that HE is filing!

Well divorce is a lawsuit legally speaking. It’s just a bit different than suing over something else. If he is a plaintiff then legally speaking he is suing you and you are a defendant and vice versa. But until either one of you filed, there is no lawsuit.

I doubt lawyer would do all that for $500. They usually charge a ton. I don’t really understand why this lawyer isn’t doing anything. But maybe because he isn’t being paid? I am so confused.

You are better off fill out those forms and two of you file. I’d not bother with lawyers at this point

I really don't think we're going to resolve my legal issues here on a mental health forum. lol.

I just need to hear from my lawyer and see what happens next.

No we can’t resolve on here. It does relate to mental health though as it causes you stress and major disturbances. Just don’t want you to get screwed over in all this as things just don’t add up. I’ve never heard of a lawyer doing phone calls, emailing and revising papers for just $500. I don’t want you to get a huge bill at the end of all this and things still aren’t done.
So I hope things work out one way or the other. Good luck

Thank you for your concern.

It's honestly stressing me out more to discuss and hash it out on here. lol.

I just need to wait and see what my lawyer says next.

I'd like it to be known how grateful I am to everyone who has contributed and helped on this thread!!!! So THANK YOU to every single one of you for all your support and help.

It's Valentines Day coming up and I feel miserable inside. So what did I do? I bought myself a gorgeous gemstone ring on my credit card to cheer myself up and to replace the diamond rings I used to wear on my left hand. I don't care about the expense. I needed a pick me up and this was the perfect Valentines Day gift to myself.

I am really dreading this day coming up. It's SO hard for me on this day when I am without a love to share it with. I also bought myself a huge bouquet of flowers last weekend to help cheer me up. But I hate going into every store and seeing Valentines Day crap splattered everywhere. It's a constant reminder and thorn in my side that I am now single.