[RDMercer]

Struggling and muddling my way through this one... I'm just trying to think out loud and figure some stuff out. Sorry for the long post.

My relationship with my wife has been difficult for a long time. You can search up on here if you like. However, in recent months, she has taken ownership for a lot of stuff and made efforts to change things. She has struggled with depression and long term physical illness and chronic pain. She is at least at a point now where she acknowledges a lot of things she has said and done towards me that weren't right and have to change. It's been a bumpy road for about 6 months, but it is moving in the right direction. I felt a few times recently that I had to prepare myself for divorce, but I've seen her make decisions where she obviously was putting her trust in me long term by making them. I believe she is "all in" and wants to stay and improve things. BUT, she is battling depression in a lot of ways, and I am not able to lean on her emotionally very much. She has a lot of health issues that require a lot of managing as well. Her resources for me are limited.

I carry a lot of responsibilities at home. Also, a neighbor recently lost her husband, and my oldest and I have taken on a lot of the responsibilities for her home and yard maintenance. My oldest wanted to reach out to this family.. We said "for a year" until this lady can sort some things out.

My family live hours away. I've relied on them for encouraging words and even financial help in really difficult times, but I've also realized all the efforts to have and maintain a relationship are on me.... No one reaches out to me. No one goes out of their way to connect with me or my kids. I've realized, since Covid and since things slowed down, I don't have a deep connection with them. And, they've decided to nitpick a small religious issue that they feel I am not living up to, and have broken ties with me because of it. I have gone from having regular family connection to minimal connection in a blink. I'm not going to bad-mouth them to other family members, so I just keep to myself more now.

I used to feel like I had places I could go, and people in my life that I felt really knew me, and where it was easy to relax and be my self. I don't feel like that now. I feel like I am just someone looking after things; work, the next load of laundry, the next repair to the house or car, the next homework assignment for a kid, and looking after the kids' needs to play and connect with me.

I don't think anyone is worried about me, my well being, or my state of mind, and other than counselling 1-2 times a month and coming on here, I don't have anywhere to talk about my emotions.

I've really tried to look after people in my life. I've really tried to commit time and resources to relationships. I'm amazed at how little that has paid in return. I feel really, really isolated.

RDM

[Yaowen]

Dear RDMercer,

I am so sorry you are in the situation you describe. Although I am not in your shoes, I can definitely relate from my own unhappy personal experience. Sometimes the people one would expect to care and offer support are just not there or even disappear from one's life. I have had to rely on these Forums to connect to people who really understand. And it seems that without that concern and understanding, encouragement, consolation and comfort are beyond reach. I sure hope these Forums help you or that you find ways to connect to good people who really care about you for yourself and appreciate and treasure you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[RDMercer]

Thanks Yao Wen.

This is hard.