Feeling left out and hurt

**vent post** kind of feeling a bit hurt right now. I don’t want to get my friend, caught in the middle so I am dropping the issue. We have plans New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. One of his good friend, has a birthday on New Year’s Day but he told me last weekend he doesn’t want to go anywhere. Guess he felt bad because now he is going to a dinner he’s hosting 50 per person...(yep undisclosed location) He has known him 20+ years and me 3, so I was like whatever I’ll make other plans Friday. I don’t want him to feel bad, because he did try to invite me but then he told him “I rather have just the fellas for this one” I mean, I don’t want him to have to choose but in all fairness he made plans with me so he should have told him that I feel. I know his friend is jealous of me in the worst way so I’m not surprised. I never did anything wrong to him either. He told him he hangs out with me too much, then on two occasions talk sh** about me behind my back and my friend told him off. I am going to just leave New Year’s Day after I wake up and say I have other plans so I can’t leave late. The dinner or whatever isn’t until 6, but I don’t want to stick around it will only make me feel worse. I’ve been nothing but nice to his friend so I really don’t understand it. I’ve shared my time with him, when we have plans and his friend wants to come over...then trying to control the evening. I’ve been unselfish and shared food that was especially for me...well never again. For now on, if he invites me anywhere and his friend is there, I will decline. I have a hard time believing it’s 100% men there but maybe I’m wrong..I saw the text.

Make other plans and in all honesty it's so dangerous right now to hang out in groups and expose yourself to Covid. It is so not worth it for you to even care about what this other guy thinks, it sounds like he prefers to control this friend of yours and sees you as some kind of threat to that need for control. This has nothing to do with how nice you are either, it's the control he is after that you pose a threat to.

Are you back with this same guy? He already showed you where you stand and what’s your place in his life: on the very bottom of his priorities. Why are you surprised? Why would things change?

I’d not blame his friend for what’s going on. Your guy clearly prefers company of his friends to your company. It’s not his friends’ fault. If your guy valued you, he’d not cancel plans with you or he’d take you with him regardless of what his friend wants.

In addition after he showed you that he doesn’t care about your company and cancels on you, you still going to his house and even sleeping there. Why? He disrespects you repeatedly.

On unrelated topic: why do these people party during pandemics???

yes absolutely correct..he’s all about control. I don’t blame my friend because the friend is manipulative, selfish and controlling. Even when he gets mad at him. He knows how to suck him back in. I don’t want to be at any gathering anyways because of COVID. Two gatherings were broken up last weekend by the cops.

Some people like to have their groupies where they don't like anyone else posing a threat to THEIR territory. Then there are individuals who get sucked into "the group" and get so they develop this loyalty mentality where they have to go along with what the "group" wants and the group leader.

If anyone poses a threat to that it wont matter how nice they are or how much they share, they are considered a threat. The group leader isn't really interested in individuality of each person in their group as much as they desire followers. Typically, the group leader likes to be the one to decide who he/she will allow into HIS/HER group and they will make it hard on anyone that they think is joining their group that THEY did not choose.

Your friend is showing you that he tends to be a follower type person who allows others to tell him who, when, where. He is probably not really consciously aware of that about himself. However, he tends to feel discomfort if he doesn't go along with what the group leader wants. Basically, what he is showing is that he is a submissive type personality.

I see you have received a lot of comments of empathy

My best to you