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Old 01-13-2021, 04:42 PM   #21
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@MisterPaul yes what do you have to go back and change in what you did this last year?
@Open Eyes I didn’t do much to feel vulnerable because that wasn’t my goal. I focused on “successful socializing” with people. I used to be either awkward or just weird since my mindset is just “different” because of my injury. I tried to learn how to have a good time without acting. I did incredibly well but opening up to others is still something I’d label as “impossible”. I strongly believe that if you stripped me off all the progress I made, you would meet a really strange, traumatized individual as default, and you would reject that person right away. It’s true. I feel it in my soul. I’m not wrong, unfortunately.
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Old 01-13-2021, 04:49 PM   #22
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You know what's ironic? I am very empathetic and I often times have found myself involved with the wounded, the tragic and those who have been traumatized, because I can empathize SO much. And of course, by you saying if you stripped everything away, you would see the traumatized person. which naturally pulls on my empathy. But being SO empathetic has proven to bring me only toxic, unhealthy and abusive relationships in the end. I myself am a traumatized kid in an adult body. I guess i am attracted to other traumatized people and men. I am still trying to figure it out, at the age of 50! You're far ahead of the game, at your age. You're very young still, but very aware. You know what works and what doesn't work for you. That's being far ahead in my opinion.
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Old 01-13-2021, 05:13 PM   #23
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But being SO empathetic has proven to bring me only toxic, unhealthy and abusive relationships in the end. I myself am a traumatized kid in an adult body. I guess i am attracted to other traumatized people and men.
People have this stupid way of thinking where victims are always the good ones. No, they are not. Lisa Montgomery was a victim of severe child abuse...
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Old 01-13-2021, 05:22 PM   #24
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People have this stupid way of thinking where victims are always the good ones. No, they are not. Lisa Montgomery was a victim of severe child abuse...
What do you mean by that? Was that a dig at me?

I personally? I happen to be a very kindhearted, moral, ethical, honest and decent human being. I consider myself one of the good ones, and regardless of trauma caused to me.
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Old 01-13-2021, 05:28 PM   #25
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What do you mean by that? Was that a dig at me?
No, it wasn't. I'm dissing the society in general.
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Old 01-13-2021, 05:52 PM   #26
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Victims aren’t always good ones. Victims often become perpetrators. And then some people have victim mentality, so they’ll milk their victimhood in detriment to others. They’ll make everyone to take care of them with 100 excuses and they’ll never accept responsibility, being a victim becomes their identity and they use others to their advantage. So certainly it’s not all black and white.
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Old 01-13-2021, 05:54 PM   #27
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Mister Paul learning successful socializing isn’t a bad goal, yes it might be surface deep but there is benefit in learning that skill
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Old 01-13-2021, 05:58 PM   #28
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Victims aren’t always good ones. Victims often become perpetrators. And then some people have victim mentality, so they’ll milk their victimhood in detriment to others. They’ll make everyone to take care of them with 100 excuses and they’ll never accept responsibility, being a victim becomes their identity and they use others to their advantage. So certainly it’s not all black and white.
I've been a victim of abuse in my childhood, and in my adulthood numerous times. I am none of the above. I am not a perpetrator nor am I a perpetual victim who needs to be saved by everyone else.
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Old 01-13-2021, 05:58 PM   #29
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You know what's ironic? I am very empathetic and I often times have found myself involved with the wounded, the tragic and those who have been traumatized, because I can empathize SO much. And of course, by you saying if you stripped everything away, you would see the traumatized person. which naturally pulls on my empathy. But being SO empathetic has proven to bring me only toxic, unhealthy and abusive relationships in the end. I myself am a traumatized kid in an adult body. I guess i am attracted to other traumatized people and men. I am still trying to figure it out, at the age of 50! You're far ahead of the game, at your age. You're very young still, but very aware. You know what works and what doesn't work for you. That's being far ahead in my opinion.
Being drawn to treat/help/heal/teach/ guide/advocate for vulnerable population could be a good guide for a profession choice. Or volunteer position, if not a career. They don’t need to be your romantic partners or close friends, but they could be people/kids/elderly/sick/misfortunate you help to thrive. I am not suggesting you change career of course, just a food for thought.

Sorry Mister Paul, didn’t mean to hijack
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Old 01-13-2021, 06:01 PM   #30
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I've been a victim of abuse in my childhood, and in my adulthood numerous times. I am none of the above. I am not a perpetrator nor am I a perpetual victim who needs to be saved by everyone else.
You aren’t. I was just replying to mister Paul agreeing that not every victim is a wonderful person who do only good in life.
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