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Old 01-13-2021, 08:46 AM   #1
Have Hope
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Default Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

I continue to embarrass myself.

I am chasing a friendship with a new-ish girlfriend who is 20 years older than me. I initiate all contact, yet she tells me nearly each time we speak that she loves me, etc, so it's confusing to me.

She knows I am going through a very difficult divorce process with an abusive husband. She, too, was married for 22 years to an abuser, whom she divorced.

We've had several long conversations about my husband over the last year. She helped me through some difficult decisions I had to make. We went to the beach last summer once, just the two of us, and I thought we had had a good time. We were at the beach for about 5 hours together and had some soulful conversations. I thought we had connected.

But she never initiates contact with me, she never checks in to see how I am doing, and I feel very blown off. I last called her and left a message. She hasn't returned my call. I figured she can relate to what I am going through, but she doesn't seem to care too much.

She is someone I aspire to - she is someone I look up to - she's a real fire cracker and an amazing woman whom I'd like to get closer with, but it's just not being reciprocated, and I now feel ashamed and embarrassed that I have been chasing a friendship which is evidently one sided.

I will back off and I won't continue reaching out to her, but it hurts. I really had hoped to establish more of a friendship with her.

Perhaps she is more of a fair weather friend and more of an acquaintance. Perhaps she is just someone not meant for me to get close to. You really do learn who your true friends are when you go through a painful and difficult time.

It makes me feel sad, embarrassed and pathetic. I didn't make much of an effort during my marriage to establish new friendships within this group of people I am associated with, and now that I am divorcing, I want to and it's proving to be difficult especially during a pandemic.

I really feel pathetic.
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Old 01-13-2021, 09:31 AM   #2
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Default Re: Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

Sorry, Have Hope

I remember your difficult situation with your husband, and am delighted that you seem to have made so much progress in moving away from him!

Don't be too hard on yourself about wanting a friendship with this woman. There could be a million reasons why she doesn't want another close friendship in her life If she didn't like you, she'd have avoided you from the start.
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Old 01-13-2021, 09:55 AM   #3
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Default Re: Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

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Sorry, Have Hope

I remember your difficult situation with your husband, and am delighted that you seem to have made so much progress in moving away from him!

Don't be too hard on yourself about wanting a friendship with this woman. There could be a million reasons why she doesn't want another close friendship in her life If she didn't like you, she'd have avoided you from the start.

@Purple,Violet,Blue, so nice to see you again! I haven't seen you in a while! And thanks SO much - I am making great progress with the divorce and with moving away from my husband.

You're right about this woman - it's just hurtful and disappointing. I feel so silly.
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Old 01-13-2021, 10:05 AM   #4
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Default Re: Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

Donít feel silly. Some friendships develop into something deeper and some fizzle. I donít believe you did anything wrong. You keep trying to make friends and itís commendable that you do that.
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Old 01-13-2021, 10:08 AM   #5
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Default Re: Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

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Donít feel silly. Some friendships develop into something deeper and some fizzle. I donít believe you did anything wrong. You keep trying to make friends and itís commendable that you do that.
Thank you.

It sucks though because I think very highly of this woman, and I really want more female friends that are local. All my closest female friends are out of state and are scattered across the country.
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Old 01-13-2021, 11:07 AM   #6
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Default Re: Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

Nothing to be embarrassed about... You wanted a deeper friendship than this woman had to / could offer. This is unfortunate and painful but there is nothing wrong with you for trying.

I am sorry that she is not able to reciprocate but keep trying, with other people, until you find a friend who is able to give and take equally.
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Old 01-13-2021, 11:47 AM   #7
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Default Re: Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

i can relate to what you're saying. i too have tried to chase a friendship while i was in school a few years ago but it never worked out, disappointigly so because i really admired this person. Please do not give up as there are many people whom would likely enjoy talking to you although you don't know them at the moment. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Have Hope, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Old 01-13-2021, 12:08 PM   #8
Have Hope
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Default Re: Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

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Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
Nothing to be embarrassed about... You wanted a deeper friendship than this woman had to / could offer. This is unfortunate and painful but there is nothing wrong with you for trying.

I am sorry that she is not able to reciprocate but keep trying, with other people, until you find a friend who is able to give and take equally.
Thank you @rive!

It is unfortunate and painful. But she is who she is and I can't do anything further. I will try with other people.
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Old 01-13-2021, 12:43 PM   #9
Have Hope
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Default Re: Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
i can relate to what you're saying. i too have tried to chase a friendship while i was in school a few years ago but it never worked out, disappointigly so because i really admired this person. Please do not give up as there are many people whom would likely enjoy talking to you although you don't know them at the moment. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Have Hope, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
Thanks @MickeyCheeky! Yeah, it's embarrassing isn't it?

It's hard to make new friendships, especially now during a pandemic! I've never had trouble before.
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Old 01-13-2021, 08:36 PM   #10
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Default Re: Chasing a friendship that is one-sided - embarrassing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
@Purple,Violet,Blue, so nice to see you again! I haven't seen you in a while! And thanks SO much - I am making great progress with the divorce and with moving away from my husband.

You're right about this woman - it's just hurtful and disappointing. I feel so silly.

It's nice to see you, too Congratulations on all you've achieved The fact that you're actively seeking friends seems like a good sign, even if this one didn't work out
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