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Default Jan 24, 2021 at 12:45 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
People respond to others on the threads quite often, not just to OP. I didn’t know it’s against guidelines or something you don’t want to be done. I can change the post to make it not a response but stand alone but it’s might be too late. I’ll try to see if it’s still editable
No big deal. I just didn't understand since I was speaking to the OP. I bow out.

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Default Jan 24, 2021 at 12:47 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
No big deal. I just didn't understand since I was speaking to the OP. I bow out.
I made a change to my post. It was still editable
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Default Jan 24, 2021 at 01:37 PM
  #23
A genuinely appreciate the amount of thoughts you’re all sharing with me and each other. Please don’t get too worked up over my problems but thank you so much for everyone giving me things to think about and an outlet to let some of my emoetions out safely.😔😭🥺💀
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Default Jan 24, 2021 at 10:08 PM
  #24
Do you REALLY believe it was just a “one off” encounter and she was that lucky to fall pregnant the first try?........
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Red face Jan 25, 2021 at 01:58 PM
  #25
Admittedly, I want to believe what I want to believe, but after reading and rereading everything you’ve all had to say I’m getting a closer understanding of what we both want and what we both actually want. I’m still desperate to get her back and try to have a family but as time goes on I’m starting to think I’m being immature and just can’t let go... 😞 I can’t imagine a future of any kind without her in it but I also don’t see much of a future with her and this guys kid either... I’ll always be second to all of them no matter what I do won’t I?
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Default Jan 25, 2021 at 04:40 PM
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Admittedly, I want to believe what I want to believe, but after reading and rereading everything you’ve all had to say I’m getting a closer understanding of what we both want and what we both actually want. I’m still desperate to get her back and try to have a family but as time goes on I’m starting to think I’m being immature and just can’t let go... 😞 I can’t imagine a future of any kind without her in it but I also don’t see much of a future with her and this guys kid either... I’ll always be second to all of them no matter what I do won’t I?
Imagine her having sex with the other guy behind your back. Don't you feel anger? She has embarassed you. She has betrayed you. Get your dignity back. Man up and ditch her today! Seriously, you gonna get yourself in some serious trouble if you let this one slide. She's already gone. If you stay with her, she's gonna think she has no boundaries because she owns you.
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Default Jan 25, 2021 at 05:58 PM
  #27
Her priorities will be:

1. Her.
2. Her baby? Maybe.
3. The father of her baby.
4. You. Maybe.
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Default Jan 25, 2021 at 06:23 PM
  #28
I know.....😞😞😞
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Default Jan 28, 2021 at 08:21 PM
  #29
She asked me to go with her to her first appointment.
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Default Jan 29, 2021 at 03:29 AM
  #30
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He loves her and they both want to make it work, you got that right?
@rive Not really. They both want to make it work by having a child the woman got from ******* another man. I don't get it at all. How's that work?

Let's make it work. Twenty years from now our lovely son is gonna ask about how did he get here. "Oh, mommy had an affair and then you were born, but I thought it's okay, cuz why not?". Are you serious right now?

Last edited by bluekoi; Jan 31, 2021 at 02:18 PM.. Reason: Profanity edit.
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Default Jan 29, 2021 at 03:30 AM
  #31
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She asked me to go with her to her first appointment.
That may be something. You can give it a shot, but lean towards "no" for now. Tread lightly.
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Default Jan 29, 2021 at 06:03 AM
  #32
There are many questions I’d want to ask her. Real communication is critical here.

Why did she cheat? Why does she want him to stay in the picture? In what capacity will he be in the picture? How does she want you to be involved with her and what will be your relationship role with the child?

You have options, and say the one you want is that you and she stay married, you have the baby, and the bio father stays pretty far out of the picture. That is something that should be discussed and agreed upon right now. I do understand why she says she wants this baby as it may be her only chance to have one. If you talk to a lawyer, you may be able to arrange with the bio father that you are to adopt the newborn, which makes you the legal father?

This is a heart wrenching and difficult situation.

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Default Jan 30, 2021 at 12:06 PM
  #33
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A genuinely appreciate the amount of thoughts you’re all sharing with me and each other. Please don’t get too worked up over my problems but thank you so much for everyone giving me things to think about and an outlet to let some of my emoetions out safely.😔😭🥺💀
I appreciate the thoughtful posters here who put care and thought into their posts too

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Default Jan 30, 2021 at 02:17 PM
  #34
I don’t want to let her go, I wasn’t ready and I didn’t know it was happening until it was too late and there’s no going back now. My heart is begging for me to be there and love her the way she deserves regardless of how I feel be cause I do love her, but my head is screaming at me to stop being an idiot and let her waste away in the life she’s chosen.... how do I do what’s right for me when it’s so harmful to someone I care about...? But how do do what’s right for her with out completely selling my soul to the guy that took literally everything from in one try.... I’m ****ed aren’t I?
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Default Jan 30, 2021 at 02:23 PM
  #35
When the head and the heart conflict, I always go for what my head tells me. Because the heart can lie to us, and does not know what's best. The head always knows what's best.

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Default Jan 31, 2021 at 01:30 PM
  #36
There is a difference between listening to one's head vs. one ego.

Could you consult with an impartial third party, counsellor, even for just a session or two to see where you are at? Sometimes when we are too emotionally involved in a situation, it is difficult to know what to do. Having an objective eye, without any agenda, could help.

Some people in this thread are telling you what to do based on *their* beliefs. They make no room for what *you* want. That is not only confusing but potentially causing more confusion for you.
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Default Jan 31, 2021 at 10:13 PM
  #37
Yes I’ll admit my head and ego are both very much part of my dilemma as well. As for peoples opinions based on their beliefs I also took into consideration before posting, however they certainly do add to my confusion, but I’m taking everything thing with a grain of salt. I’m trying to think big picture and to the future because now is the time to make a decision that will set in motion one future or another. I want third party opinions and incites so I can better evaluate my situation using as much emotional wisdom from experiences I’ll never have. Unfortunately this is also my first and only relationship I’ve ever been in so I imagine that’s a whole other can of worms. Which is why I’m treading lightly and feeling out every available option before doing anything I otherwise wouldn’t if I had relationship experience. I know I’m pathetic, just rounding out the picture for you all. I thank you all again for every post I promise it’s all helpful to me.
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Default Feb 01, 2021 at 04:13 AM
  #38
I am a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for children in foster care.

I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do because your situation is very complex.

I will tell you where you stand from a legal standpoint regarding the child.

You have no legal rights to this child. You need a paternity test to make sure this man is in actuality the biological father. His parental rights so far are intact. The best you can do is petition the court to grant you the same custody rights as your fiance. That way, should anything happen to mom, he can't come and just take the kid. The only way you can adopt the child is if the biological father gives up his parental rights or if he is a danger to the child, his rights may be revoked.

As far as what to tell the child? He/she is more resilient than people give them credit for. DO NOT lie to the child about his parentage. He/she doesn't need to know the circumstances of their conception. They just need to know that they are loved and well cared for.

Also, I think considering your situation, you are doing alright for yourself. Communication. Communication. Communication!

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Default Feb 01, 2021 at 04:22 AM
  #39
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Yes I’ll admit my head and ego are both very much part of my dilemma as well. As for peoples opinions based on their beliefs I also took into consideration before posting, however they certainly do add to my confusion, but I’m taking everything thing with a grain of salt. I’m trying to think big picture and to the future because now is the time to make a decision that will set in motion one future or another. I want third party opinions and incites so I can better evaluate my situation using as much emotional wisdom from experiences I’ll never have. Unfortunately this is also my first and only relationship I’ve ever been in so I imagine that’s a whole other can of worms. Which is why I’m treading lightly and feeling out every available option before doing anything I otherwise wouldn’t if I had relationship experience. I know I’m pathetic, just rounding out the picture for you all. I thank you all again for every post I promise it’s all helpful to me.
Do whatever you want. It's you who's gonna face the consequences of the decision, not us. Be aware, though, that if people give you such harsh words when it comes to what to do, then it means the other option is bad. If it's your first relationship, you should live your life. Because if it's gonna blow up when you're, say, 35, and that's all you got in your life by then... things can get really bad.
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Default Feb 02, 2021 at 10:36 AM
  #40
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Honestly, I don’t know, the arts what I’m struggling with. I keep bouncing back and forth, but without me she will be a single mother and I don’t want that for her. But also yes I don’t know if I could ever be ok with the situation being a constant reminder that not only is it not my kid but it never will be...
If you decide to stay with her, you can always adopt the baby & make it YOURS. Don't get hung up on whose baby it is. If you are unwilling/unable to make this into your own family then maybe she is better off being a single mother

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