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Default Feb 02, 2021 at 05:12 PM
  #41
I agree with eskie re adoption but that could only happen if biological dad agrees to it. I agree about not being hung up on biology. That’s not what makes one a parent
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Default Feb 02, 2021 at 07:31 PM
  #42
Put his baby up for adoption. She isn't killing it and you guys won't be tied to an asshole. He has no rights, she's married to you. Adoption.

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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 03:49 AM
  #43
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She isn't killing it and you guys won't be tied to an asshole.
Why do you call him an "asshole"? She agreed to have sex with him. If he's an ***, then she's ten times worse.
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 04:40 AM
  #44
There are plenty of good men who will raise another man's child as their own and have it be wonderful. My issue is the cheating and how she got pregnant after one time. There are other ways to have a baby with your partner without cheating on them. To me this is more than just cheating, Its cheating with a bottom line- getting pregnant and it involves bringing into a the world a child with two fathers which can be confusing, I hope you both can get therapy.

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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 04:56 AM
  #45
I know I am the only one saying this and that it's not a popular opinion. I find it morally repugnant that his wife had the nerve and the balls to ask him to parent a child that was conceived by cheating. She cheats and there are no repercussions for her infidelity and breach of trust. I highly doubt she slept with her lover just once. Pretty uncanny to get pregnant on the very first and supposedly ONLY try. And who is to say she won't cheat again with this man, or with some other man? Sure, he can adopt if the bio father agrees. Sure, they can maybe be happy, if the husband forgives the infidelity. It's a very tough position to be in. If it were me in those shoes, I'd say hell no to her and I would walk away for good. But that's just me, it's not my life and it's completely up to the OP. No need for anyone to respond to this.

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Last edited by Have Hope; Feb 03, 2021 at 05:09 AM..
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 08:32 AM
  #46
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Put his baby up for adoption. She isn't killing it and you guys won't be tied to an asshole. He has no rights, she's married to you. Adoption.
I'm sorry but that's wrong. The biological father, asshole or not, is the legal father. @Yourself has absolutely no legal right to that child, even if he married the mother. I would request a paternity test if possible.

In order for them to adopt out the baby - like mom's really going to agree to that 🙄 - first they have to persuade bio dad to sign away all his rights. It's not very common for people to just sign their kid away,
though. It usually happens through the courts because of abuse and neglect.

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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 08:41 AM
  #47
I don't know, maybe I'm just old, but it seems to me that first and foremost, the child needs two loving parents. That's all that matters. The infidelity is forgivable for the sake of the child. @Yourself, who's name will go on the birth certificate?

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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 08:48 AM
  #48
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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
I know I am the only one saying this and that it's not a popular opinion. I find it morally repugnant that his wife had the nerve and the balls to ask him to parent a child that was conceived by cheating. She cheats and there are no repercussions for her infidelity and breach of trust. I highly doubt she slept with her lover just once. Pretty uncanny to get pregnant on the very first and supposedly ONLY try. And who is to say she won't cheat again with this man, or with some other man? Sure, he can adopt if the bio father agrees. Sure, they can maybe be happy, if the husband forgives the infidelity. It's a very tough position to be in. If it were me in those shoes, I'd say hell no to her and I would walk away for good. But that's just me, it's not my life and it's completely up to the OP. No need for anyone to respond to this.
Um, it happened to me --- twice. They don't call me Fertile Myrtle for nothin. 😂

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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 12:59 PM
  #49
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Why do you call him an "asshole"? She agreed to have sex with him. If he's an ***, then she's ten times worse.
He has been trying to get with her for about 5 years now and has gotten close before and never cared I existed. He has also been verbally and emotionally abusing her after he found out she was pregnant and even threatened her and the baby. He also has kids with his ex he doesn’t really care for either he’s just obsessed with my ex and wants her no matter what. She has been pushing him away more and more but he still reserves the rights of his unborn child unless we take him to court. He won’t agree to handle any of it civilly because he’s rather spite her if she won’t be with him.....😔
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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 01:04 PM
  #50
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I don't know, maybe I'm just old, but it seems to me that first and foremost, the child needs two loving parents. That's all that matters. The infidelity is forgivable for the sake of the child. @Yourself, who's name will go on the birth certificate?
We wanted mine to go on it but after researching a bit I’m pretty sure it paternity fraud or I sign it.... all 3 of us know it’s not mine so legally we’d all be lying.... I’m not completely sure though.
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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 02:48 PM
  #51
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He has been trying to get with her for about 5 years now and has gotten close before and never cared I existed. He has also been verbally and emotionally abusing her after he found out she was pregnant and even threatened her and the baby. He also has kids with his ex he doesn’t really care for either he’s just obsessed with my ex and wants her no matter what. She has been pushing him away more and more but he still reserves the rights of his unborn child unless we take him to court. He won’t agree to handle any of it civilly because he’s rather spite her if she won’t be with him.....😔
So she knew all of that and still, she slept with him?... Dude, what in the world are you doing with that woman? I'm so sorry, but I HAVE TO SAY IT. Do what you want, but, please, think it through, so you won't hurt yourself.
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Default Feb 05, 2021 at 09:44 PM
  #52
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So she knew all of that and still, she slept with him?... Dude, what in the world are you doing with that woman? I'm so sorry, but I HAVE TO SAY IT. Do what you want, but, please, think it through, so you won't hurt yourself.
Because I love her, I don’t know what else to do...
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Default Feb 06, 2021 at 12:10 AM
  #53
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Because I love her, I don’t know what else to do...
I just wanted to say @Yourself that its ok to love someone but also have boundaries. I get it that he is abusive to her and that maybe she is caught in a cycle and that is one reason she slept with him. But it still is not ok. It just isnt ok.

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Default Feb 06, 2021 at 09:57 AM
  #54
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Because I love her, I don’t know what else to do...
Dude... Please just save yourself. I agree with sarahsweets, the main problem is not whose baby it is BUT she cheats on you. Your relationship has already gone downhill, leave before you got dragged deeper, hurt and lose more than you have right now. Use your logic, not your feelings. She will drag you down. Yes it will be painful to leave and move on at this moment, but the outcome in the future would be better.

But if you really want to keep her, that's your choice and we can't force you not to. If you really do, prepare yourself to suffer more than you currently endure.... and she might probably leave you someday for that (or another) guy.
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Default Feb 06, 2021 at 07:07 PM
  #55
I’m not in a good place
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Default Feb 07, 2021 at 04:38 AM
  #56
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I’m not in a good place
And you can't stay there. You have to do something. Distance yourself from our advices for a moment and think big. Ten years from now. Get a piece of paper and try to predict what can happen, point by point, two scenarios - staying with her, or moving forward. Maybe it's gonna help.
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Default Feb 08, 2021 at 12:30 PM
  #57
One day I’m all in wanting to be there in every way but then I her days I can’t even stop crying and hate everything so much I don’t think I could ever handle it... Im trying to do what I think is right and I’m trying to do it the best I can and I know I’m disappointing plenty of you trying to help me but I gotta do what I believe should be done even if it means giving up on my own life. It’s just the way I am 😔
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Default Feb 08, 2021 at 12:57 PM
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One day I’m all in wanting to be there in every way but then I her days I can’t even stop crying and hate everything so much I don’t think I could ever handle it... Im trying to do what I think is right and I’m trying to do it the best I can and I know I’m disappointing plenty of you trying to help me but I gotta do what I believe should be done even if it means giving up on my own life. It’s just the way I am 😔

Go for it then. Life is not black and white, we do have strategies. Work on a backup plan, secure yourself IN CASE things go south. Best of luck.
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Default Feb 12, 2021 at 01:36 PM
  #59
Well I finally talked to my family about my situation and I think I may have just been cut off...☹️ It would seem ill have to choose between the two...
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Default Feb 12, 2021 at 11:23 PM
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Well I finally talked to my family about my situation and I think I may have just been cut off...☹️ It would seem ill have to choose between the two...
Bless your heart. I don't believe in karma or that things happen for a reason cuz I know none of it is true. Everything is random, you're just more random than most.

I'd be dumping whoever said I had to choose.

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