Online friendships: I give up

That is definitely eerie!

The two people who ghosted me were not emotionally well.

I can’t seem to do that very easily.

On one side, I’m thinking that if they are having emotional problems maybe they are now overwhelmed by their situation and don’t have the energy to communicate. I tell you because when I’m low I try to stay away from people.

On another side, I think that if it’s supposed that online people feel more daring to be themselves, they, by disappearing, are making you a favour. You know where they are coming from and you won’t be wasting your time with them, anymore.

The key is to know which situation we are treating here.

I assure you that there are people who are so genuine online as off line so I wouldn’t embrace these bad experiences. I would take it into account for the future in order to consider who I can trust as a friend and take more time with them since the conditions are different to the contact you can have with them irl but out of that I wouldn’t do much difference. But, this is my personal view, only. I know there are people who make boundaries and clear separation between both worlds.

YES - this. Both people who ghosted me were not emotionally well. Another female who has been very unresponsive to me, taking days and over a week to reply to me, also is not emotionally well. She also is BPD. I dropped her from my Skype just yesterday.

I'm so sorry about that. Yeah I don't understand that either. I've been ghosted by people online and in real life. For some reason, it actually seems harder for me to talk to people online since I always get ignored in the chats. I haven't been in the chats on here in a long time but in general, if I try to chat with someone online, it is either outright ignored even though they reply to other people, or if we do message each other, usually by private messages, it is very short lived before they stop. I am always willing to make new friends but I never count on it happening. In terms of online friendships, another factor at play may be that it is hard to maintain a friendship where you never met the person. Especially since they could easily be someone they're not. I've talked to some people online in the past and then when they add me on FB or something, they are completely different from who they said they were. Someone who fakes something like that is super off putting and sketchy to me. So it could be a defense mechanism, not necessarily an attempt for others to be rude. I'm sorry you have this problem though. I can relate.

I'm so sorry that happens to you. It can be very painful, I know.

What do you talk about?

I have two friends that suffer from depression and they pretty much always ghost me. It's not on me though, they're just not into talking.

Yep. Happened to me many times. Or they will send messages for a short period, but then stop. Very annoying. That's why I don't reach out as often in chats or messages as much anymore. And it's not just online, but it is in real life too. I've had people post something upsetting on FB, so I'll text them and they will give a one word reply or act all cheery but then stop replying and going back to their upsetting selves with someone else. Some factors may include closeness and sometimes even just general attention seeking behavior. In college, someone posted a message that they were upset and crying but then I ran into them literally seconds later and they were perfectly fine. Cheery and laughing with other people. There are other people I know who would do stuff like that just to gain approval and attention.

The two friends that ghosted me - we talked about everything. Work, relationships, our problems and life in general. I. had deep, meaningful and ongoing conversations with both individuals.

Yep, that's why I expect nothing from online friendships, especially since I have very little to almost no expectations for friends in real life too.

I have high expectations of people, and that's why I am so disappointed often by people in this world.

I can relate. I got ghosted a few times by people I met on here, back when I had my other username. I found it quite triggering although I understood that it was because of the issues people were facing I still felt hurt because these were people I felt fondness for. I was left feeling "what happened?"

In my case I was feeling vulnerable through other issues in my life, so I left here a while, came back and set different boundaries with myself. I don't correspond personally with anyone here, only on board messages. I do have a couple of wonderful women I have written personally to from here for many years now and they are my exceptions. So I don't dismiss online friendship at all but for me I am now very cautious and circumspect I guess.

I agree ghosting online is a feature of modern life, maybe we are generally tending to be more impersonal like that with technology I don't know.

My main lesson learned was my personal boundaries needed to be set and I personally benefited from this, I also tend to take a very long time to open up and trust someone but thats okay too.

Generally though I am trying to invest more time into in person friendships, apart from my two long time PC friends.

I see this topic as a very juicy one.

People who are behind the screens are flesh and blood people, as we are.

Only online things seems to go faster than in face to face connections. You can connect them instantaneously and for a long period of time, almost daily. So this is why it may be easier to let you drive and anything seems even more authentic and deep than irl.

This is why predators find their perfect hunt ground on the net linked to the possibility of anonymity, with innocent people such as kids or adolescents. But, also with
old generations such as mine one who are not still used to this stuff.

The other great difference is social barriers. One can show himself with much more freedom online and this is where the evil or the magic could happens.
For example, in my case, I find easier to meet and know someone on line because I feel less anxious and I can choose the pace. I can be a better version of myself without all those fears and anxiety. I can go little by little. Showing myself up to a point I feel comfortable with.
But, what happens if a person fakes a persona to get his own agenda and take advantages of your ingenuity. Here’s the problem.

Just like the real life, only with its own characteristics.

Another aspect to take into account is that if we connect with people from mental health forums, we are gonna find people like us, who struggle day on and day off with their issues.
Example, I find so hard to speak on the phone with someone from my irl than from someone I only know online. And if I’m feeling depressed I won’t probably have the energy to share with my online contacts in the same way I lack of energy to deal with my irl contacts.

It’s natural that you ask why they ghosted you. But take the assumption that online contacts are evil per se is unfair.

I don't have the belief that online relationships are evil. They're just very different than IRL relationships and ghosting seems to be common.

Different but not in the essential. They may be very genuine.

You didn’t call them evil but you said you were done. ???

I know you felt very bad and disappointed.

Yes, I am done... I do believe. I've found online friendships over the years to just not be very genuine or very real. I did feel bad and very disappointed.

It’s ok. It’s a choice. Maybe you didn’t find the right people to connect with. It happens as irl.
You said that you have big expectations. Here, it may be the problem.
Friends are not perfect, so we aren’t. Could it be that you had any hand on it?

I ask you because when a relationship I have is not working, I also look at myself. To see if there’s something I can do better.

I do not know exactly why the two people ghosted me. I have already explained that they were not emotionally well people who had a lot of problems. I don't believe it is me. I think it's them.

Most of the times, it’s a matter of them. Or even both. Call it chemistry. But, when something it’s generalised is when you have to ask you about yourself.
Believe me, it’s worthy. I can be very difficult in relationships, you can’t guess up to what point. Due to many factors, my insecurities, my own lack of emotional control in which I’m working on currently.

It’s always valuable to have the other’s perspective and be attentive to the patterns.

I can’t believe all your online experiences were a failure. ????