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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
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#1
I decided I am DONE with online friendships.
I've been ghosted TWICE by two friends I met online. We emailed back and forth for a very long time. Then suddenly, they both just completely disappeared. What is it about online friendships that make people think they can be dismissive and rude like that? I find ghosting to be most hurtful. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Anonymous32451, Bill3, jesyka, RoxanneToto, Uykulu
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
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#2
So Sorry you're having bad experiences. Online friendships and relationships can be complicated but they can work out in my opinion. Perhaps it would be good to let people whom are interested in friendship know in advance that replying to your messages in a reasonable time-frame is important for you? i am not sure if that'd come off as abrasive or something. In any case it is up to you to decide. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Have Hope, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
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6 3,628 hugs
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#3
Quote:
But it's the ghosting that I just do not comprehend. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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MickeyCheeky, RoxanneToto
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,376
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#4
Is it possible people just can’t keep up with everyone?
If there is only 24 hours in the day and you have to spend it working and dealing with people like family and friends and chores and whatever other issues, there’s only that much time in the day. I have so many texts and emails a day both personal and work that it is not possible to keep up. I know it comes across rude if they don’t respond to you but there is a lot going on in people’s lives, especially now. If people have a long list of family or whoever to talk to daily plus work related calls etc they might not have the time. Also if you never met these people, it’s kind of hard to maintain friendship. It’s hard work and people have to prioritize |
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Have Hope
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eskielover
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
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6 3,628 hugs
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#5
Quote:
What I don't understand is ghosting a long time "friend". I think the nature of the online relationship lends to it being Ok to ghost, no matter how long the friendship has gone on, and no matter how deep it became. I have a hard time comprehending that. And people ghost a lot in online dating too. I just think it's very cruel. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,376
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#6
Well if you actually have gone on dates etc simply vanishing is rude. But if it was all online, I don’t consider it dating, I don’t think people are obligated to respond. I did online dating when I was younger and I got so many messages that I couldn’t even read them all. Let alone respond. Not like I am that great but when you live in a busy area that’s what happens. And if You exchanged few messages and felt uneasy why would you explain anything, they could be aggressive for all you know. If you are already dating in person then of course it’s rude, unless again you feel unsafe.
Yes if they are long time friends it’s different but is it possible they don’t look at online friendship this way? I am not trying to tell you not to be upset but there might be no need to be upset. If they don’t want to talk, then they don’t. There are always people who do On the other hand during pandemics id worry if people don’t respond. I’d think something happened |
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RoxanneToto
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
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#7
I have different standards of behavior. If I have emailed back and forth with someone for a long time, for several years, it's completely unacceptable in my mind to ghost. And if you share intimate details for months on end together? Unacceptable.
With online dating? Yeah, it depends. When I dated online, sometimes I ignored certain messages, but if I had emailed with someone a few times? I would be direct and let them know I wasn't interested rather than ghosting. I am just saying that online friendships are very different than IRL - and I think people think it's OK to ghost when you have not met in person. To me, if it's been a long-term friendship, it's not OK and is very hurtful. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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jesyka
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#8
ghosting sucks, and I'm sorry it always happens to you. I don't like it either- don't think anyone does
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,376
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#9
I get it. I just don’t particularly relate. But I understand how you feel. Hugs
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,014
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#10
Quote:
I guess the anonymity of hiding behind a screen gives people license to be... to be more rude? dismissive? making it easier to ditch people? I am sorry for your bad experiences though. It is cliche but it is really them and not you. |
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Have Hope, jesyka
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Have Hope, jesyka
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
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6 3,628 hugs
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#11
Quote:
I have observed online behavior for many years now. And that's my conclusion. People feel emboldened to do and say things they wouldn't do or say in person. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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#12
something that annoys me just as much, is when someone online says that they want a friend to talk to laugh with, to share their problems with, what ever, and say that their up to talking to anyone about anything, you reach out to them, they say something like " hi" (or some other one line response), and that's it- you never hear from them again.
then they post the same message about looking for a ffriend andm ove to someone else! |
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Have Hope, jesyka
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#13
it happens to me far too often.
I reach out to a struggling person just to get nothing back |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
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6 3,628 hugs
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#14
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#15
What do you consider the status of the relationships on here? Support group and not online friendships?
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
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#16
Quote:
But I've also noticed over the years that online relationships that are established are very different than IRL relationships. People seem to be less accountable. But yes, I would consider this site as a peer support group. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
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#17
I think that with on-line people, they tend to stop after a while because they figure that there would be no getting together whatsoever. So it's like, what's the use? If I have online people to write to that live a long way from where I am, then it's not much of a big deal if they stop writing to me. But yet it still hurts when that happens.
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jesyka
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
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#18
Quote:
What hurts is that I became somewhat dependent on these friendships after a while. Then it just stopped, almost mid conversation, and out of the blue. Like they couldn't be bothered anymore. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,621
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#19
That's happened to me before. There was one whom I had a very good conversations with. Someone whom I could relate to very well, not in every single way, but in the issues that were important to me. He was not well physically and emotionally so one time he told me that he wanted to end it all. After that I never heard from him. Kind of eerie, isn't it?
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Have Hope
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Guest
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#20
Drop the expectations towards others. If they’re here – great! If they’re not – great! It may be hard to let go like that but it's gonna make you extremely powerful in the end (my case, though I show some traits of APD, so it’s easier).
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