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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,620
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#21
I've notice for myself that there are certain subjects I would talk about; and then I can sense that the other person doesn't feel comfortable with what I'm saying. For an example: yesterday I got talking to this guy at work and I mentioned my family dysfunction. He reacted by saying "yeah" and then changed the subject quickly and completely. For some reason, I think that other people don't feel comfortable hearing complaints about family members. That seems to be the subject (or topic) that makes people the most uncomfortable.
With me, I don't feel comfortable hearing about some family dysfunction. Some I welcome and relate to and others I can't. For me, the most uncomfortable I hear from others is gossiping at the office and health issues along, with end-of-life stories. Yes I feel guilty at times venting; and especially when others react negatively. |
jesyka, Mendingmysoul, RoxanneToto
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Mendingmysoul, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#22
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
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#23
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jesyka, RoxanneToto
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,117
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#24
rdgrad15, often the regret comes from needing to vent and ending up venting to another person who simply doen't know how to respond.
I had to help my daughter understand that when she liked this boy in highschool and he would call her and he did not talk. I told her how to handle that was to prepare a list of things she could ask him to help him learn how to talk to her. So that is what she did with him and she came to me and told me "it worked". That boy NEVER forgot her and every year for YEARS he would call her just after the strike of midnight to wish her a happy birthday and be the first to wish her a happy birthday. Well, his parents were divorced and all about themselves and never really talked to him so that was a skill he simply did not develop. It isn't that your needs don't deserve to be heard when that happens, it's typically more about how the other person doesn't have the skills needed to sit and listen. Then there are the types of people that need all the attention to revolve around them. There again that individual prefers your attention to revolve more around them which can contribute to uncomfortable feelings, but also that too is all that person knows. |
AzulOscuro, rdgrad15, RoxanneToto
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#25
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Happened a couple times where I had to attend a funeral, luckily I wasn't too close to those who died, but when I told a certain person I was going to a funeral, she would avoid me or at least not talk to me. Didn't even talk about the death, just simply stated that I was at a funeral. In fact, the second time, I tried to not tell her where I was, but she kept asking so I eventually caved in and told her through text and she didn't text me for the rest of the day. Really made me realize that she was one of those people who I couldn't open up to. I would think, wow, if I lost someone super close to me, she would be no help at all. She belonged to the second group of people you mentioned where she had to be the center of attention since she was a bad listener towards many people. I know people like that unfortunately. |
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RoxanneToto
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Open Eyes
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: India
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#26
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rdgrad15
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,280
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#27
I feel the same way that you do at times. Have you ever been judged or rejected for opening up to much to other people in the past? I sure have! It hurts to be called 'whiny', that I'm to "sensitive', etc...
If you feel that some people will distance themselves from you or judge you for opening up and venting about problems, then don't trust them with your problems. Also, they're not really your friend. Real friends support you and they don't judge you or try to avoid you when you're going through a hard time. I can't help but think of this Black Flag song now. The lyrics go something like this: Every time I open my mouth, I wish I would've kept it shut Also, "My War" You think that you're my friend, but you're one of them |
RoxanneToto
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rdgrad15, RoxanneToto
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#28
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
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#29
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RoxanneToto
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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#30
I never feel guilty or regret for things like this. I KNOW that at that point I have been pushed PAST my boundary level & have given them MANY chances. When I get to this point.....THEY DESERVE WHAT THEY GET. Some people never learn but at that point I totally distance from them if they still don't get it. I have lots of patience.....UNTIL PUSHED TOO FAR....then even my tolerance is gone....& there is no regret by that point, only that they were too STUPID to learn
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
AzulOscuro, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#31
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eskielover
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#32
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I used my over reactions as learning experiences to change rather than feeling guilty about them __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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AzulOscuro, rdgrad15
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
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#33
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I’m kinda try to progress on this, too. And I’m becoming pretty proud of myself for what I’m achieving. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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eskielover
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eskielover, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#34
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eskielover
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Magnate
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#35
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,143
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#36
Yep. I have anxieties so when I do finally open up to someone, I often regret it. Part of it is to do with shame and embarrassment.. or perhaps I realized afterwards I didn't articulate my story in a way I wish I had.. perhaps not using enough filters or saying something that may (or may not) have sounded immature, irrational, or disproportionate. My heart races and I perseverate.
Really though, what I've experienced is complex trauma, none of which would be considered disproportionate or childish.. and nothing that I'd need to be ashamed of.. but my anxiety still brings me there. |
AzulOscuro, eskielover
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AzulOscuro, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#37
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MsLady
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#38
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
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#39
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