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Default Feb 13, 2021 at 12:56 PM
  #21
I've notice for myself that there are certain subjects I would talk about; and then I can sense that the other person doesn't feel comfortable with what I'm saying. For an example: yesterday I got talking to this guy at work and I mentioned my family dysfunction. He reacted by saying "yeah" and then changed the subject quickly and completely. For some reason, I think that other people don't feel comfortable hearing complaints about family members. That seems to be the subject (or topic) that makes people the most uncomfortable.

With me, I don't feel comfortable hearing about some family dysfunction. Some I welcome and relate to and others I can't. For me, the most uncomfortable I hear from others is gossiping at the office and health issues along, with end-of-life stories.

Yes I feel guilty at times venting; and especially when others react negatively.
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Default Feb 13, 2021 at 03:48 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
I haven’t mentioned a situation that could take place. Let’s see that you trust a person your psychological issues, I’m referring to people who struggle with PTSD, bi-polarity, anxiety, personality disorders...Sometimes, if the person we trust these issues may have bad intentions and use your psychological issues against you. It may be a 22-catch situation.
You are never right or are allowed to stand up for yourself because in the end, you are the one who have psychological problems “you are nutz”. It’s something similar yo be gas-lifted.
Yeah that makes sense, that can happen unfortunately.
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Default Feb 13, 2021 at 03:57 PM
  #23
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I've notice for myself that there are certain subjects I would talk about; and then I can sense that the other person doesn't feel comfortable with what I'm saying. For an example: yesterday I got talking to this guy at work and I mentioned my family dysfunction. He reacted by saying "yeah" and then changed the subject quickly and completely. For some reason, I think that other people don't feel comfortable hearing complaints about family members. That seems to be the subject (or topic) that makes people the most uncomfortable.

With me, I don't feel comfortable hearing about some family dysfunction. Some I welcome and relate to and others I can't. For me, the most uncomfortable I hear from others is gossiping at the office and health issues along, with end-of-life stories.

Yes I feel guilty at times venting; and especially when others react negatively.
Yep I agree. And I’ve had the same experience where I tell someone something and they clearly don’t like it so I regret it. In some cases in the past it was so obvious that they were so uncomfortable that I’ve stop mid sentence, apologized, and change the subject quickly. I agree that topics of family dysfunctions, relationship issues, gossip, and death are what make people the most uncomfortable.
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Default Feb 14, 2021 at 10:47 AM
  #24
rdgrad15, often the regret comes from needing to vent and ending up venting to another person who simply doen't know how to respond.

I had to help my daughter understand that when she liked this boy in highschool and he would call her and he did not talk. I told her how to handle that was to prepare a list of things she could ask him to help him learn how to talk to her. So that is what she did with him and she came to me and told me "it worked". That boy NEVER forgot her and every year for YEARS he would call her just after the strike of midnight to wish her a happy birthday and be the first to wish her a happy birthday. Well, his parents were divorced and all about themselves and never really talked to him so that was a skill he simply did not develop.

It isn't that your needs don't deserve to be heard when that happens, it's typically more about how the other person doesn't have the skills needed to sit and listen.

Then there are the types of people that need all the attention to revolve around them. There again that individual prefers your attention to revolve more around them which can contribute to uncomfortable feelings, but also that too is all that person knows.
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Default Feb 14, 2021 at 09:15 PM
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rdgrad15, often the regret comes from needing to vent and ending up venting to another person who simply doen't know how to respond.

I had to help my daughter understand that when she liked this boy in highschool and he would call her and he did not talk. I told her how to handle that was to prepare a list of things she could ask him to help him learn how to talk to her. So that is what she did with him and she came to me and told me "it worked". That boy NEVER forgot her and every year for YEARS he would call her just after the strike of midnight to wish her a happy birthday and be the first to wish her a happy birthday. Well, his parents were divorced and all about themselves and never really talked to him so that was a skill he simply did not develop.

It isn't that your needs don't deserve to be heard when that happens, it's typically more about how the other person doesn't have the skills needed to sit and listen.

Then there are the types of people that need all the attention to revolve around them. There again that individual prefers your attention to revolve more around them which can contribute to uncomfortable feelings, but also that too is all that person knows.
Yeah that actually makes sense. Basically after venting or opening up to a certain person, you may realize that you shouldn't have opened up to that specific person after seeing how they handled it. That is an amazing story you used, that is good that your daughter was able to help him talk. Yeah it can be hard for people to open up and some people can ruin it. You may be brave at one point and open up, only to realize that the person either doesn't know how to handle it or doesn't care. I once knew someone in college who would shut down if you mentioned anything about a funeral.

Happened a couple times where I had to attend a funeral, luckily I wasn't too close to those who died, but when I told a certain person I was going to a funeral, she would avoid me or at least not talk to me. Didn't even talk about the death, just simply stated that I was at a funeral. In fact, the second time, I tried to not tell her where I was, but she kept asking so I eventually caved in and told her through text and she didn't text me for the rest of the day. Really made me realize that she was one of those people who I couldn't open up to. I would think, wow, if I lost someone super close to me, she would be no help at all. She belonged to the second group of people you mentioned where she had to be the center of attention since she was a bad listener towards many people. I know people like that unfortunately.
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Default Apr 07, 2021 at 04:20 AM
  #26
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Does anyone start feeling guilty or have a sense of regret after venting or telling someone about something that is upsetting you? Even if the reason was justified, you may start wishing you never vented or opened up at all. I tend to experience this anytime I open up to anyone in real life. It is also why I don't get emotional in front of others, since I start feeling guilty and regret my actions and even wonder what they think after it is all over.

If I ever get really annoyed or start feeling upset and I start talking about it with someone else, I always wish I didn't say anything later on. Not sure why, since when I do vent or open up about something, it is for a legitimate reason. Although I never get mad and yell, I don't make myself look like a fool especially in public. I just may walk away feeling that I said too much and worry that they may be thinking differently of me.

The rare times I may not feel guilty is when it is with a close friend, other than that, I always feel guilty even when there is a legitimate reason for it. I know there is nothing wrong with opening up or venting, but sometimes I wish I kept quiet after opening up about something. In a way, it causes a sense of embarrassment too. Another reason I don't open up much, even with close friends at times, is because there is really not much they can do.

If I feel like I need open up about something., I may intend to tell someone but then when it comes time to tell them, I'll think that it is pointless since there is nothing they can do about it and I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable or distance themselves. Another thing I may do is wait awhile before venting or opening up so the feelings aren't as raw. Do you have trouble opening up due to feelings of regret afterwards? Just wondered what you all thought.
I also feel badly most times if I open up or vent to someone. I mostly feel ashamed about it and vulnerable.
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 03:52 AM
  #27
I feel the same way that you do at times. Have you ever been judged or rejected for opening up to much to other people in the past? I sure have! It hurts to be called 'whiny', that I'm to "sensitive', etc...

If you feel that some people will distance themselves from you or judge you for opening up and venting about problems, then don't trust them with your problems. Also, they're not really your friend. Real friends support you and they don't judge you or try to avoid you when you're going through a hard time.

I can't help but think of this Black Flag song now. The lyrics go something like this:

Every time I open my mouth, I wish I would've kept it shut

Also, "My War"

You think that you're my friend, but you're one of them
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 05:55 AM
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I also feel badly most times if I open up or vent to someone. I mostly feel ashamed about it and vulnerable.
Me too. I also worry that they are secretly judging me or wondering why I would open up to them.
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 05:59 AM
  #29
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I feel the same way that you do at times. Have you ever been judged or rejected for opening up to much to other people in the past? I sure have! It hurts to be called 'whiny', that I'm to "sensitive', etc...

If you feel that some people will distance themselves from you or judge you for opening up and venting about problems, then don't trust them with your problems. Also, they're not really your friend. Real friends support you and they don't judge you or try to avoid you when you're going through a hard time.

I can't help but think of this Black Flag song now. The lyrics go something like this:

Every time I open my mouth, I wish I would've kept it shut

Also, "My War"

You think that you're my friend, but you're one of them
Yep I've been judged and been told I'm too sensitive and even paranoid at times. In some ways I can see how I could be seen as paranoid but I'd rather come off as overly cautious than overly naive. The latter is worse in my opinion since people may think, "Wow, he is such an idiot he falls for everything." Yeah people who distance themselves because you opened up to them are not real friends. They don't have to say anything, in some cases, it's actually better to be quiet especially if it involves grief. But avoiding someone is just downright rude.
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Default Apr 12, 2021 at 07:11 AM
  #30
I never feel guilty or regret for things like this. I KNOW that at that point I have been pushed PAST my boundary level & have given them MANY chances. When I get to this point.....THEY DESERVE WHAT THEY GET. Some people never learn but at that point I totally distance from them if they still don't get it. I have lots of patience.....UNTIL PUSHED TOO FAR....then even my tolerance is gone....& there is no regret by that point, only that they were too STUPID to learn

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Default Apr 12, 2021 at 12:15 PM
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I never feel guilty or regret for things like this. I KNOW that at that point I have been pushed PAST my boundary level & have given them MANY chances. When I get to this point.....THEY DESERVE WHAT THEY GET. Some people never learn but at that point I totally distance from them if they still don't get it. I have lots of patience.....UNTIL PUSHED TOO FAR....then even my tolerance is gone....& there is no regret by that point, only that they were too STUPID to learn
Yeah makes sense. In that particular scenario, I can see where you’re coming from.
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Default Apr 12, 2021 at 12:27 PM
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Yeah makes sense. In that particular scenario, I can see where you’re coming from.
I definitely try to approach them diplomatically YET FIRM while they are pushing my limit so they have warning all along. I did have to learn how to be diplomatic & not just blow up at people. It was a wake up call as to just how far my ex had pushed me that my reactions to everyone at that point were to blow up first. It was a good lesson to learn & as I calmed down it was much easier to approach everyone in a much calmer way. I was like that glass that was filled to the top & one more drop from anyone, I would dump. Now my stress glass is almost empty & I am back to responding much more calmly.

I used my over reactions as learning experiences to change rather than feeling guilty about them

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Default Apr 12, 2021 at 02:57 PM
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I definitely try to approach them diplomatically YET FIRM while they are pushing my limit so they have warning all along. I did have to learn how to be diplomatic & not just blow up at people. It was a wake up call as to just how far my ex had pushed me that my reactions to everyone at that point were to blow up first. It was a good lesson to learn & as I calmed down it was much easier to approach everyone in a much calmer way. I was like that glass that was filled to the top & one more drop from anyone, I would dump. Now my stress glass is almost empty & I am back to responding much more calmly.

I used my over reactions as learning experiences to change rather than feeling guilty about them
Congratulations!!!!
I’m kinda try to progress on this, too. And I’m becoming pretty proud of myself for what I’m achieving.

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Default Apr 12, 2021 at 10:48 PM
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I definitely try to approach them diplomatically YET FIRM while they are pushing my limit so they have warning all along. I did have to learn how to be diplomatic & not just blow up at people. It was a wake up call as to just how far my ex had pushed me that my reactions to everyone at that point were to blow up first. It was a good lesson to learn & as I calmed down it was much easier to approach everyone in a much calmer way. I was like that glass that was filled to the top & one more drop from anyone, I would dump. Now my stress glass is almost empty & I am back to responding much more calmly.

I used my over reactions as learning experiences to change rather than feeling guilty about them
Yep makes sense. Overtime bottled up emotions can burst and you can say or do things you may regret later. Being firm and assertive ahead of time is a good idea because it helps release those emotions and also lets the person know that you are not playing around and that you're not a pushover. I need to do that more often. I do, just not a lot. I really need to to be firm and assertive with my coworkers, who are all way older than me, in a professional manner.
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Default Apr 12, 2021 at 10:49 PM
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Congratulations!!!!
I’m kinda try to progress on this, too. And I’m becoming pretty proud of myself for what I’m achieving.
That's good!
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 11:48 PM
  #36
Yep. I have anxieties so when I do finally open up to someone, I often regret it. Part of it is to do with shame and embarrassment.. or perhaps I realized afterwards I didn't articulate my story in a way I wish I had.. perhaps not using enough filters or saying something that may (or may not) have sounded immature, irrational, or disproportionate. My heart races and I perseverate.

Really though, what I've experienced is complex trauma, none of which would be considered disproportionate or childish.. and nothing that I'd need to be ashamed of.. but my anxiety still brings me there.
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Default Apr 19, 2021 at 09:51 AM
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Yep. I have anxieties so when I do finally open up to someone, I often regret it. Part of it is to do with shame and embarrassment.. or perhaps I realized afterwards I didn't articulate my story in a way I wish I had.. perhaps not using enough filters or saying something that may (or may not) have sounded immature, irrational, or disproportionate. My heart races and I perseverate.

Really though, what I've experienced is complex trauma, none of which would be considered disproportionate or childish.. and nothing that I'd need to be ashamed of.. but my anxiety still brings me there.
Same. I worry about seeming immature or dramatic.
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Default Jul 17, 2021 at 06:57 PM
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Does anyone start feeling guilty or have a sense of regret after venting or telling someone about something that is upsetting you? Even if the reason was justified, you may start wishing you never vented or opened up at all. I tend to experience this anytime I open up to anyone in real life. It is also why I don't get emotional in front of others, since I start feeling guilty and regret my actions and even wonder what they think after it is all over.

If I ever get really annoyed or start feeling upset and I start talking about it with someone else, I always wish I didn't say anything later on. Not sure why, since when I do vent or open up about something, it is for a legitimate reason. Although I never get mad and yell, I don't make myself look like a fool especially in public. I just may walk away feeling that I said too much and worry that they may be thinking differently of me.

The rare times I may not feel guilty is when it is with a close friend, other than that, I always feel guilty even when there is a legitimate reason for it. I know there is nothing wrong with opening up or venting, but sometimes I wish I kept quiet after opening up about something. In a way, it causes a sense of embarrassment too. Another reason I don't open up much, even with close friends at times, is because there is really not much they can do.

If I feel like I need open up about something., I may intend to tell someone but then when it comes time to tell them, I'll think that it is pointless since there is nothing they can do about it and I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable or distance themselves. Another thing I may do is wait awhile before venting or opening up so the feelings aren't as raw. Do you have trouble opening up due to feelings of regret afterwards? Just wondered what you all thought.
Yes. All the time.
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Default Jul 17, 2021 at 10:31 PM
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Yes. All the time.
Yeah I think we all do to an extent.
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