FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#1
Does anyone start feeling guilty or have a sense of regret after venting or telling someone about something that is upsetting you? Even if the reason was justified, you may start wishing you never vented or opened up at all. I tend to experience this anytime I open up to anyone in real life. It is also why I don't get emotional in front of others, since I start feeling guilty and regret my actions and even wonder what they think after it is all over.
If I ever get really annoyed or start feeling upset and I start talking about it with someone else, I always wish I didn't say anything later on. Not sure why, since when I do vent or open up about something, it is for a legitimate reason. Although I never get mad and yell, I don't make myself look like a fool especially in public. I just may walk away feeling that I said too much and worry that they may be thinking differently of me. The rare times I may not feel guilty is when it is with a close friend, other than that, I always feel guilty even when there is a legitimate reason for it. I know there is nothing wrong with opening up or venting, but sometimes I wish I kept quiet after opening up about something. In a way, it causes a sense of embarrassment too. Another reason I don't open up much, even with close friends at times, is because there is really not much they can do. If I feel like I need open up about something., I may intend to tell someone but then when it comes time to tell them, I'll think that it is pointless since there is nothing they can do about it and I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable or distance themselves. Another thing I may do is wait awhile before venting or opening up so the feelings aren't as raw. Do you have trouble opening up due to feelings of regret afterwards? Just wondered what you all thought. |
AzulOscuro, bharani1008, BluePineapple, Britedark, Buffy01, Discombobulated, Mendingmysoul, Purple,Violet,Blue
|
Buffy01
|
Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
4 6,984 hugs
given |
#2
This has happened to me and I assume most people have experienced this (some more than others). When I do feel this way, I think I am currently doing a better job analyzing why I feel this way. Was it because I am defensive or hurt about the feedback? Was it because they can't handle stress because of their own fragile state so, for their sake, they shouldn't be told? I credit my faith with helping me be less defensive and more compassionate about how my words are effecting others. I credit my MH medications with helping me be less impulsive (ie--I am doing a better job of thinking before I speak and am able to keep more of my thoughts completely to myself). I still have days where I can be too talkative but I am not as talkative as I used to be. . Also, I think some people are just better "sounding boards" than others--it is a talent they have but I now try to be more careful about taking advantage of this talent of theirs.
|
Discombobulated, Mendingmysoul, Open Eyes, Purple,Violet,Blue
|
rdgrad15, RoxanneToto
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#3
Quote:
|
|
Mendingmysoul, Purple,Violet,Blue, TunedOut
|
Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, TunedOut
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
given |
#4
i agree with both of you wise and wonderful posters. Some people may not be able to handle certain information too well so it may simply be best to stay careful with oversharing. i don't think it is something that makes you guilty though. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @rdgrad15 and @TunedOut, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
|
TunedOut
|
rdgrad15, TunedOut
|
Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
4 6,984 hugs
given |
#5
Quote:
I don't get angry very much but when I occasionally have, either I said things I regretted/felt guilty about or finally told them something I should have told them a long time ago (but wish I had been able to deliver the message in a calm cool and collected manner ). If I was not patient because of my own anxiety)---then I do feel bad about it. |
|
AzulOscuro
|
rdgrad15
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#6
Quote:
|
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#7
Quote:
|
|
TunedOut
|
TunedOut
|
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
4 807 hugs
given |
#8
Yep,I do feel guilty sometimes.I did have a tendency to overshare.Used to talk much and can go on tangents about different things. I realised the listener can be distressed or much annoyed as that can be too much to process for them.I am all about changing myself to a better version of myself.I strive everyday to improvise. I am working on that.These days I do not share much with anybody.Sometimes there is an intense need within to share.I give myself suggestions "please,Jane stop.""Please,Jane don't. "I tell myself this repeatedly (not loud,but in my mind).
Sharing is good,but we should be careful with whom to share,because the wrong kind of person can use it against you later.I think that is why the guilt comes to mind.We later wish we didn't share that secret .Fear based guilt.Just sharing my opinion. |
AzulOscuro, TunedOut
|
AzulOscuro, rdgrad15
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
|
|
Mendingmysoul
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,108
(SuperPoster!)
13 21.3k hugs
given |
#10
I guess the word I would pick might be regret and perhaps dissappointment too. Mostly when I invest time in sitting with someone who is having so many challenges and are at a loss in some way and it's not really appreciated the way I thought it would be. And what I mean by that is when I take time and the other person consumes and if I don't stay on THEIR track there is some kind of emotional punishment. One of the things that never ceased to amaze me in my life is how cruel and disrespectful people can be. Too many consumers out there that lack depth. I think it's sad.
|
Discombobulated, TunedOut
|
AzulOscuro, Mendingmysoul, rdgrad15
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#11
Quote:
|
|
jesyka
|
Open Eyes
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,108
(SuperPoster!)
13 21.3k hugs
given |
#12
There is always "risk" rdgrad15. Some people can seem friendly and yet can actually have a side to them that can be very vindictive and spiteful and rather harmful and entitled and self serving.
Last edited by Open Eyes; Feb 10, 2021 at 11:26 AM.. |
jesyka, TunedOut
|
Mendingmysoul, rdgrad15, TunedOut
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#13
|
Open Eyes
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#14
I’m each day more cautious about who I tell my things. It’s not that I’m extrovert but I used to think that people were respectful and the conversation would keep between us. But now, I see this is the exception to the rule so I keep everything much to myself or comment with a person I know it’s gonna understand me, but this last it’s an exception.
People are prone to judge you and think that if they were in the same situation, they could manage things better, but the reality is that it’s easier to see the situation from the outside. I better keep things for myself. I have been object of gossips only because it seems some people don’t have their own life and you can’t guess how much it affected me. Since I don’t like to be noticed. In my neighbourhood I barely receive questions, only small chat, because they know I don’t like to talk about myself and much less about others at their backs. I normally have an instinct feeling about who I can trust certain things but I’m more often the one who receive confidences. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
jesyka, Open Eyes, TunedOut
|
rdgrad15, TunedOut
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,108
(SuperPoster!)
13 21.3k hugs
given |
#15
There is too much pressure to get everything right and this is how our educational system is set up. There is so much praise for those who manage to get everything right which creates self esteem challenges for individuals who don't JUST get everything right. It's more important that students learn to ENJOY learning instead. What our system teaches is "anxiety" and that's where a lot of social dysfunction is created. It becomes a job to learn instead of being something enjoyed in "self". Often this collecting things about someone that can be used to hurt them is actually something TAUGHT. It's much better to TEACH our children to develop a passion for learning. If that is focused on the most it can build self esteem instead of anxiety and depression where a child begins to feel overwhelmed if not getting everything right.
And then these individuals try and use their own children to make up for whatever they themselves did not accomplish. I have noticed this a lot while raising my own daughter where I saw parents push their children for what they themselves wanted instead of focusing more on what their child wants and needs. It's no wonder so many struggle when it comes to venting frustrations and then feeling it's wrong or not really taking an actual interest when someone shares a need. There tends to be lack of understanding how to be authentic and genuine and imperfect. |
jesyka, TunedOut
|
Mendingmysoul, rdgrad15, TunedOut
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#16
Quote:
|
|
AzulOscuro
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#17
Quote:
|
|
Open Eyes
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#18
Quote:
I can only talk in this topic you brought up, that by the way is so interesting as the other ones you always bring up, for the experiences people around me have had that I sometimes have seen myself involved in without wanting it. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
|
rdgrad15
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
7 199 hugs
given |
#19
Quote:
|
|
AzulOscuro, Open Eyes
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#20
Quote:
You are never right or are allowed to stand up for yourself because in the end, you are the one who have psychological problems “you are nutz”. It’s something similar yo be gas-lifted. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
|
jesyka, Open Eyes
|
rdgrad15
|