When a new guy GOES TOO FAR

I would challenge you to look at that thinking in the light of narcissism. Relationships based on pushing things to the limit probably aren’t healthy.

It’s not common a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder attends to a therapy. You seem different so I give you credit for this.

I have a question. Are you looking for a long term relationship?

@AzulOscuro No. I want to meet women I'm attracted to, spend some time together, have fun, and do all of that in a healthy way.

I don't mean one-night-stands or some wild, drunk, and stupid adventures.

Are you able to consider these women’s feelings and hopes? Surely, they will have higher expectations towards you. Please, be sure you make it clear.
Noone considers at first sight that s(he)’s dealing with a person with a PD. so they will dream about normal relationships and normal stuff. If you make it clear, maybe noone is gonna get hurt.
Don’t think I’m going against you. I know what narcissistic PD and I know is very hard to deal with people with this disorder. I don’t want you to hurt girls. That’s all. The same if you were a woman.

Both of my prior partners were on the narcissistic spectrum. What do you have to offer a prospective partner?

Of course. Is there a way to accomplish anything without it?

No hard feelings, but I think that's a poor way of thinking. If you know what narcissistic PD is, you can imagine how easy is for me to manipulate and play around people to get what I want. Yet, I'm here, doing the hard work, seeking help, learning. The only goal I have is to have healthy relationships with others, so don't worry about me hurting girls.

Narc is not a devil in a human skin, you know? I was a harmless child when I was very young, just like you. It's not my fault that things went bad and I wasn't ready for it and the disorder was molded soon after, working as a self-defence system.

Okay, let's try:

1) I've managed to deal with things that used to piss me off, so I can remain calm no matter what.

2) I know how to talk to people - I don't seek revenge, I hate to argue, I'm always trying to meet one half way.

3) I honestly don't care about one's flaws, or something one's ashamed off. I just don't care. I can put up with anything, accept anything - though I'm aware it may start to bug me after a while.

4) I don't play dirty anymore. I don't hurt people to win.

5) I'm genuinely interested in what you do and who you are. I think every single person is interesting in one way or the other. I'm curious. I want to discover it.

5) And the obvious one. I will compete with every guy you ever had thus far, BUT only 20% of my reasons are fueled by narcissistc drive, the rest is for the sake of quality. I pay a great deal of attention to the way I behave, look, smell, etc. and it does work I put lots of effort into dates, I even plan sometimes to do everyting I can to make that time unique.

My relationships with friends are very close and they have improved significantly since I started to handle my PD.

I am an old-fashioned, romantic...baby-boomer. I pay attention to manners, and they way they treat others. Swearing is an immediate turn-off for me. Sex should be such an intimate thing......I wouldn't do that, unless in a long-term committed relationship.

It means that you will need to work on any fear of rejection. That you will need to learn how to be ok with being vulnerable. To be brave when you feel vulnerable to work past that instead of deciding to discard when these vulnerabilities surface.

Usually, with a narcissist their biggest fear is that of abandonment and some kind of rejection. So that leads to looking for ways to blame others for any failures in order to protect that very deep insecure part. Typically, the insistence with a narcissist is that of THEIR being the one who is discarding, the failure must belong to someone else, so much so that they engage in a smear campaign so as to protect that hard shell they built up to protect that part of them that is very vulnerable. And because there is no such thing as a perfect person, the narcissist first wants to learn weaknesses "just in case" so they have what they need IF they begin to feel vulnerable.

This is what contributes to love bombing because it's about you getting a feed from being "the best". The problem with narcissists isn't the capture, but in sustaining.

The biggest challenge for a narcissist is their own ego, feeding it and protecting it.

Very accurate, matches my experience

Again spot on , my ex fiancé was able to capture me while he was still married to another woman but unable to sustain the relationship through his divorce which took 6 years to complete , and by that time it was too late to rekindle .

As much as I agree with you usually, you are wrong now. I truly care about quality. There were numerous situations when I did enough and people were happy and grateful or impressed - yet, I pushed it harder untill I got what I wanted. I care about doing my best even if it's more than is required.

People are not the same. Please, do not diagnose me unless you have a full picture of the situation.

Ok, I understand, however my statements are what I have learned about narcissists through reading but also experiencing as well. It's not about you personally. That being said @MisterPaul, what I am pointing out to you is what to pay attention to while you work on understanding this PD and making consious efforts to "change" the typical pitfalls of this PD.

Until I got what "I" wanted?

Now, not a personal attack ok? What about the other person? What if someone else wants to stand out?

Spoiler alert, I don't always have it right, I try but I am ok with not being perfect. I simply decide to learn and try. Sometimes there is an element I miss, and often it's something someone has not shared that can change how I see things.

We go on a date - you and me. We get to know each other. Let's say you're having fun and you're happy with the way it goes down. And then I say something stupid or I tell a poor story - it's fine, it happens. We move on and we're back at where we were - good vibes are in the air. The date ends and it was a good date.

I will go back to these two little moments - when I said something stupid or told a poor story. I'll investigate why I screwed up, I'm going to find a reason and watch out the next time. It's important. Because I know how to tell great stories and I hate talking stupid. You may not even notice my mistake - I don't care. I'll fix it either way. That's not narcissism.

Do we have the understanding now?

@leomama I answered your question on the previous page. Do you care to comment? I'm interested in your opinion.

You didn’t say anything about being stable .

I think you do have something to offer someone , however you didn’t mention anything about your looks, your education or your employment.
Usually girls are looking for a handsome, educated and employed man.
You didn’t mention your living situation. Girls also like a guy who has his own place.
Those are the basics that get you a girlfriend .

I'm kind of disappointed that a few of the responses seemed a bit on the self-righteous side. MisterPaul acknowledges that he has NPD (which is a huge first step), and seems sincere in his desire to form mature, mutually beneficial relationships. While I have bipolar disorder, I know this is a place where I can share without worrying about being labeled harshly...bipolar disorder exists on a spectrum. I'm sure NPD does, too. Throwing stereotypes around, or labeling others based on your own experiences isn't really fair. Someone once said, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." I'm not a Christian, but that sounds about right to me.

One does not need to be handsome to attract a good woman. Attraction is important. But plenty not particularly handsome people attract others. Looks fade. Human qualities don’t .