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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#41
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Good thoughts. Mister Paul has been consistently vulnerable and up front on this forum and deserves respect. Yes most certainly every disorder/condition exists on a spectrum and life in general is rather complicated, not oversimplified black and white. |
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Grand Magnate
leomama
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#42
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I was talking about a girlfriend , as in a young woman, I didn’t say a good woman. Generally young women respond well to a guy who looks well. You have to be attractive to a girl for her to want to get to know you. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#43
Not necessarily. I don’t think age matters. I never cared about guys’ looks. I mean he needs to be groomed and clean but looks never matter to me. My daughter is a young woman and she never considered looks as a criteria for a guy at any age. Looks don’t matter to every young girl. Many young girls value other important things instead.
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buddha1too
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#44
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I am handsome and shaped up - I get a lot of attention. I'm well educated, but I don't have some kick-*** job yet. it. I'm 25 and I graduated a month ago, so... it's in progress. However, I do have a temporary job - money looks good, I'm just not rich yet - and I have a pretty awesome car and a place to stay I'm renting with one individual I know. Last edited by Anonymous42048; Feb 21, 2021 at 05:12 AM.. |
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Open Eyes
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Grand Magnate
leomama
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#45
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You have a personality disorder so I wasn’t asking about your personality. Also just because others focused on not having looks doesn’t mean that was my point. Some people think it’s superior to only look beyond the surface however when dealing with a personality disorder I was more talking about education, employment, housing. Being handsome is what gets you noticed, having the other things is what gets you a chance with a girl. Please don’t assume that my viewpoint is akin to others who are coming across self righteously. I have no opinion one way or the other in regards to being handsome, I just know it attracts the attention of mainstream, conventional girls. Just go for it. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#46
When you gave me your example and said "if I was dating you" to me, at first I just could not picture that because of our huge age difference, LOL.
First of all, the fact that you are at 25 means your brain is finally developing the prefrontal cortex which is a significant part of the brain in terms of social interactions. This part of the brain affects how one regulates emotions, controls impulsive behavior and assesses risk and making long-term plans. Also, the brain's reward systems doesn't stop growing at age 18 but instead can take more than 25 years to reach maturity. When you shared your diagnosis, I actually find it questionable considering where your brain maturity level is right now. I also don't recommend sharing that because it's actually too early to say "I am the bad guy" and you are actually going to be doing a lot of learning yet. The fact that you have taken an interest in working out and developing your body physically is good in more ways than you think. This working out improves your cerebellum part of your brain which is the part of the brain that develops more balance instead of the clumsey lurching typical in younger teens. Personally? I find it hard to hand out a diagnoses when at such a young age and where your brain is at developmentally. That being said, you can learn about the behaviors of said PD and work on learning what not to engage in and why and by that you can improve yourself a great deal. I know you are younger MisterPaul, so my input is more of steering you away from things that may cause you to unknowingly develop patterns that may not be healthy for you personally. You can embrace anger about those who treated you badly, or you can choose to outgrow them with knowing how that behavior equates true lack of brain development in terms of still being too impulsive and not yet having the brain development to have more respect which is so common in that age group. Truth is, you have much better things now to focus on. |
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leomama, Toughcooki
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#47
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I think it's crucial. I never had any problems with girls' attention, but back in a day there was very little I could do with it because I was so anxious and messed up. You can find a guy who's super handsome, has lots of money, and a big, fancy house, but if he struggles with who he is, you're not going to be happy with him beside you IMO. |
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divine1966
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buddha1too, divine1966, leomama
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Toughcooki
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#48
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Also - understand that something you say to one woman that falls flat may not be a 'mistake' - women are individuals. Some of them will think you said something cool and funny while others will think you're a moron and look for the exit. If your focus is on being perfect, and being the best, and so on, it almost looks like you're using each date as someone to practice on. Which could, theoretically, make you very smooth and good at dating/picking women up/getting them into bed/thrilling them with your awesomeness/moving on.... but understand this: Many women who are picked up by Mr Smooth who is absolutely perfect in every way, who wants to hang out and have a good time, aren't thinking, "Boy I can't wait till this guy dumps me for the next challenge!" They're thinking, "Oh I hope he's serious!" Have you discussed dating with your therapist? Sorry if that's already been asked. I have known people with NPD and don't think they're evil or anything, I just want to draw your attention to the pain you can inadvertently cause others by practicing on them. Your therapist would probably be better at that than me. |
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Grand Magnate
leomama
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#49
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I think you’re missing my point . You assume I never struggled with pd traits or that I was looking for handsome, rich and whatever. I agree with the person that says 25 is young to dx npd. Just do you. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#50
Most people look for authenticity, not perfection. Authenticity allows room for stupid jokes and lame stories and goofy behaviors. Perfection is boring.
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Toughcooki
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#51
You said you had two partners who were "on the narcissistic spectrum". I assume nothing. I just want to make sure that you're aware that people with personality disorder actually do have a real personality - very few with NPD do something about it. That's all.
All of you keep saying word "perfect/perfection". I wont be perfect, no matter what I do. And it's not about impression, or not making a mistake. It's about me being the best I can be. And I won't deny it, I want to be Mr. Smooth - every single time I "did the stunt" in the past, I freaking loved it, and so did she (I know, those were drunk party encounters, but I liked it). Of course, all it takes is one girl who hates my sarcastic sense of humor and it's all gone, but that's okay. I don't care. It's natural. |
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buddha1too
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#52
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Grand Magnate
leomama
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#53
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I have two exes that have narcissistic traits, my parents do , and I worked through my own traits in therapy. I never used the word perfect. My only concern was “push it to the limit”. Just go for it. |
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#54
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leomama
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Grand Magnate
leomama
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#55
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No problem. I disagree with some posters who are going after me for asking what you have to offer so I want to make sure you don’t group me with them. Just live your life. Go for what you want. Don’t overthink it. |
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