Dating again!

It sounds like there are a lot of problem people with these online dating sites. I noticed they also tend to hang out at bars/clubs too. They tend to look for easy routes when it comes to meeting others.

I think it's better to look in a more community type environment. These bars and dating sites are not "community" environments and a person is more apt to get singled out as you have mentioned where it's just you and that person. This sets the atmosphere of being singled out right off the bat without seeing how the person interacts in a more community type atmosphere. You are more apt to get a loner looking for someone they can isolate and control.

It’s weird and scary. Be very cautious, hope this guy leaves you alone.

He lives an hour away but shows up where you go for walks? So fishy. If he keeps bothering, you maybe telling police isn’t a bad idea. Be safe.

All these online apps are not working as we expect them to work, probably because of the people there, maybe because of us being naive...

Hi - the reason online dating doesn't work is because the matching method is algorithms, and algorithms are too simplistic to match two complex human beings. This is a good article to read about this topic: Attention Required! | Cloudflare.


The article concludes that it is more effective to spend the time meeting people - good old fashion meet people who know people dating. Course, that's not an option right now, and many of us may be shy or wary of this. But, I think the human algorithm is probably more successful than the computer algorithm.

Sorry about that - this is the first time I have ever posted a link. It is a safe one.

Wow! I didn’t know these webs goes with algorithms. I thought you put a profile and you can access to other members profiles and contact them or they contact you.

What happens is that all of your answers to your profile questions are translated into numbers - data points. The algorithm then matches your data points with others' data points and comes up with answers to your profile based on percent match. However, what if someone said they are 5'5" instead of 5'4"? What if you answer that you are Christian but your denomination is Catholic? What if you say that you like to run but you like to run 10 miles a day and someone else says they like to run but only 1 mile a day? What if my hair is black but I put dark brown? The odds of mismatching people become astronomically high because the algorithm can't calculate variations of degree or intent. And the fewer data points they have you enter, the more simplistic the matching methodology and the higher risk of a mismatch. Phew!

Yes you can always lie. This is why I opened a thread about online dating. I’m aware of the great numbers of people who decorate their profile, and even the scammers who takes other people profiles.

I met another man online and we met at a restaurant. He is decent and nice. He also is very confident and well-educated. He has his own consulting firm and was an investment banker. He is from Africa, but was educated in Europe. He is funny too. I like him a lot and he said he'd like to see me again. He also did not push me to have sex. I hope it works out with him and me so we shall see. He is only two years older so am more comfortable with him. I am hoping for the best with him. He knows I like him so hopefully it will work out. I hope to see him a couple of times before I mention my illness if I need to bring it up. So far, we are just getting to know each other. There is no need now to mention it. I'm doing well nevertheless. As for being stalked, I don't know if the other man is still stalking me anymore because I don't see him anymore in my vicinity while I am out and about. I think I'm getting a better sense of what I want from men and assessing them. I really like this new man and he said he wanted to see me again, but don't know for sure if it will happen. I'm just going to continue with my life as is and hope he asks me out again. Thank you all for your messages!

The new man is still in touch with me so it is promising. I am busy though and am tired. However, he seems nice still and interested in me! I hope when we both have time we can meet again!

I wish you luck this time.

Lol, thank you! But, I found him on the dating app looking for other women which is his right. However, I don't need him! So, I got rid of all the user and abusers in my life and feel a whole lot better. I have no luck with men, but am doing well despite this. I will be ok. I am going to focus on myself and work on myself. I think I'm better off alone and will probably stay this way for awhile, at least.

This is the guy you met once? Would you expect someone to delete or deactivate their profile because you went on one date? If you "found" him on the dating app looking for other women - you were on the app as well??? This does not make him a user or abuser.

Of course it's your choice if you want to cut contact. But you're still blaming men instead of looking at your own behaviour and attitude. You have said the EXACT same thing atter cutting off contact with other men. There is a very obvious pattern here.

He was harassing me while I was on the dating app. So, you don't know the whole story. He is an abuser. I attract such men because I allow them. Please don't get offended. I am glad I cut him off because he wanted sex next.

You said he was nice and interesting and that it looks promising. Not a word about the harassment. Why's that?

Yes, it seemed that way, but I turned off my dating profile for awhile and went to check on it. And, there he was trying to get me off the dating app saying things to get me mad. So, I decided not to meet him anymore or do anything with him.

Getting you off the dating app, means he didn’t want you to be in the dating app anymore. Sorry, my knowledge of English, ok?

Yes, he wrote me today asking how I was. I told him I'm busy. I think he got the message.

Yes, he wanted me to stop using the dating app which I have so may be this is the reason he is bothering me.

I told him I'm returning home. I don't think he will bother me much more.

So, I stayed off the dating apps for about two months, then went back on one app. At first, I had no luck again, I met one guy who said I was too big and did not look like my pics, then when I was looking at him, I realized I was talking to a short fat man who was ugly. He kept spewing out venom and even texted me after I left him so I blocked him. I was about to give up again.

But, I was contacted by someone with no picture but seemed very nice. He was really nice. So, I thought I meet him and give it my last chance. And, I did. We met and we clicked. We have met four times so far in about two and a half weeks. I really like him. He got off the dating app so I followed him off the site. We are happy. He tells me to be confident and happy with myself. He never criticizes me. We spent a lot of time with each other after meeting initially. I have cooked dinner for him. I don't know what to say but after being attracted to only abusive men, he is a nice refreshing change. I feel good vibes from him. He is really good to me. He does not play games and is very romantic. I feel lucky and blessed that I finally found someone who is good to me. I just gave it my last shot. And, my luck turned out well. He is so nice and sweet. He likes my cooking. I am very happy. He is the first man in a long time that I have met over two times. So, I think he is a winner. I adore him. He opens the doors for me and treats me well. He is really good and is perfect to me. He is handsome , a little bit older than me, taller, in good shape, charming, and really sweet. He is my prince. So, I was about to give up on romance and love. I kept attracting the wrong type of man. But, he showed up, and I have no complaints. He said not to put myself down and to not treat myself badly. He is a good man. He also said I was the first person he wrote on the dating app. He just came here. He said he usually meets people in person through friends. So, he is new here and tried the dating app for the first time. I was shocked!! I treat him as my prince. I am happy. But, sometimes I have to slap myself to make sure it is not just a dream.

I wanted to thank you all here for telling me I have some problems with men, I did. I kept attracting abusive men. I think partially it was my fault. So, realize there are good men out there. I just had to wake up and choose the right man. I finally did!! So, thank you!!

He is not married he says. He is here by himself working at his company. I had a tendency to get involved with married men. I believe he is not married because we go to public places unlike other marred men who never wanted to go out publicly. So, I am really in love.

I was thinking that if I had no luck with the dating app online to give up on finding a good man forever. I was blessed otherwise. And, now I feel I found a good person who is crazy about me too. I just need to take care of myself and hopefully also care for him too.

So, thank you all again for reading my dating experiences. Thank you so much!!