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Default May 07, 2021 at 09:31 AM
  #61
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I was just giving you an example of a situation when what's on the outside is not a full picture of a true person. Do not be rude to me. It's against the community rules. I came here to help you.
I'm not being rude to you!! Your comments sound acerbic and caustic. I am being honest, not rude. If you are offended, then please don't bother to write on my thread. I am being myself. If it sounds rude, I did not mean to be rude.
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Default May 07, 2021 at 09:42 AM
  #62
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If it sounds rude, I did not mean to be rude.
Thanks. We're cool.

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Your comments sound acerbic and caustic.
Oh, that's just a little bit of tough love. I mean I know what it means to get disapointed in love and I'm just sharing my honest thoughts, hoping they may help you. They may sound acerbic, though my intentions are good and I'm sorry if it rubbed you wrong.
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Default May 07, 2021 at 09:51 AM
  #63
Yes, I looked back on my older threads and I realize my luck with men has been awful before. This is the reason why I took my last chance with this last man. I said to myself if he is another jerk, I will swear off dating apps forever and just be happy with myself. But,it worked finally. He is all that I was looking for in a man. I am really attracted to him and he is decent to me. This is all I wanted. I just wanted a decent man who treats me well and to whom I attracted. I was not looking for anything else more. Also, I did not have such high expectations because of being burned so many times. He is more than I expected though. I can't complain. So, anyways, we are meeting again soon. I am truly happy!! And, if he does not work out, I am not going back to dating apps anymore. I had enough and took a chance. This is my last chance and take it or leave it, I thought. All I can say is I got lucky. I hope we make it as a couple. I am really hoping for the best. Lol, I never have gone on five dates with any man before. So, we shall see. I will wait for another month or two to see if I am still infatuated with him. I have a tendency to get tired of people. So, I'm at fault too. But, I want us to work out so will do my best to stay with him if he wants to be with me too.
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Default May 08, 2021 at 03:08 PM
  #64
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Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
Yes, I looked back on my older threads and I realize my luck with men has been awful before. This is the reason why I took my last chance with this last man. I said to myself if he is another jerk, I will swear off dating apps forever and just be happy with myself. But,it worked finally. He is all that I was looking for in a man. I am really attracted to him and he is decent to me. This is all I wanted. I just wanted a decent man who treats me well and to whom I attracted. I was not looking for anything else more. Also, I did not have such high expectations because of being burned so many times. He is more than I expected though. I can't complain. So, anyways, we are meeting again soon. I am truly happy!! And, if he does not work out, I am not going back to dating apps anymore. I had enough and took a chance. This is my last chance and take it or leave it, I thought. All I can say is I got lucky. I hope we make it as a couple. I am really hoping for the best. Lol, I never have gone on five dates with any man before. So, we shall see. I will wait for another month or two to see if I am still infatuated with him. I have a tendency to get tired of people. So, I'm at fault too. But, I want us to work out so will do my best to stay with him if he wants to be with me too.
He could be a jerk, you don't know yet. It takes way more than 4 dates together to see a person's true character. Everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning. How old are you? I sense that you don't have any experience with dating or relationships and are very young.

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Default May 09, 2021 at 04:30 AM
  #65
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He could be a jerk, you don't know yet. It takes way more than 4 dates together to see a person's true character. Everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning. How old are you? I sense that you don't have any experience with dating or relationships and are very young.
I understand your point. Yes, he could become a jerk still but has not. Thank you so much for your insight.
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Default May 11, 2021 at 05:51 PM
  #66
We met again and are doing well!! I am happy about him. He is good to me. I have no complaints. We still text twice a day. He is nice to me and treats me well. We will meet again soon.
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Default May 14, 2021 at 05:28 AM
  #67
We are meeting next week again. It is going well. I am feeling tired though, not from him. I like cooking for him. He is sweet to me. We get along well. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm in a dream. I like him much. He is good to me. He is not perfect and neither am I. But, we are good for each other. He still has not turned into a jerk. So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm happy that he is doing well. I'm doing fine too. I was a bit saddened by two acquaintances dying just these past few months. I realize life is short. They died suddenly. I was shocked and sad about their deaths. They were about my age. So, I'm not going to take anything for granted. I cherish my relationship with this new man. We are happy with each other. I find him cheerful, kind, and optimistic. He also told me to enjoy the moment too. I understand. I enjoy being with him. We have not talked about being exclusive or anything. But, I don't think he is seeing anybody else given his schedule and neither am I. We met about a month ago so time will tell how we endure. I'm seeing him for the sixth time next week. I feel good about him. He is a good man to me. I am myself with him. He gives me good vibes. So, we are happy still!! I feel blessed! I know not to rush matters. So, I will give it more time but honestly we don't argue nor criticize each other. We are affectionate with each other and enjoy each other's company. I am hoping for the best with him. Who knows how we will feel about each other in a month? But, I'm certain we will still be seeing each other and enjoying each other's company.
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Default May 14, 2021 at 06:04 AM
  #68
It sounds like a lot of fun
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Default May 14, 2021 at 06:11 AM
  #69
After being on the dating sites for many years, I can tell you that"on assignment" "foreign company" is a huge red flag; I have seen that so many times.
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Default May 14, 2021 at 06:59 AM
  #70
I checked his background and he is being honest. But, I understand.
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Default May 14, 2021 at 07:49 AM
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After being on the dating sites for many years, I can tell you that"on assignment" "foreign company" is a huge red flag; I have seen that so many times.
Could you elaborate? What happened?
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Default May 14, 2021 at 08:39 AM
  #72
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We are meeting next week again. It is going well. I am feeling tired though, not from him. I like cooking for him. He is sweet to me. We get along well. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm in a dream. I like him much. He is good to me. He is not perfect and neither am I. But, we are good for each other. He still has not turned into a jerk. So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm happy that he is doing well. I'm doing fine too. I was a bit saddened by two acquaintances dying just these past few months. I realize life is short. They died suddenly. I was shocked and sad about their deaths. They were about my age. So, I'm not going to take anything for granted. I cherish my relationship with this new man. We are happy with each other. I find him cheerful, kind, and optimistic. He also told me to enjoy the moment too. I understand. I enjoy being with him. We have not talked about being exclusive or anything. But, I don't think he is seeing anybody else given his schedule and neither am I. We met about a month ago so time will tell how we endure. I'm seeing him for the sixth time next week. I feel good about him. He is a good man to me. I am myself with him. He gives me good vibes. So, we are happy still!! I feel blessed! I know not to rush matters. So, I will give it more time but honestly we don't argue nor criticize each other. We are affectionate with each other and enjoy each other's company. I am hoping for the best with him. Who knows how we will feel about each other in a month? But, I'm certain we will still be seeing each other and enjoying each other's company.
Didn’t get it when you said that you were feeling tired. Tired of what? If you don’t mind to share.

Sorry for your loss! 😔

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Default May 14, 2021 at 08:46 AM
  #73
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After being on the dating sites for many years, I can tell you that"on assignment" "foreign company" is a huge red flag; I have seen that so many times.
Do you say that because the matches are made based on algorithms? Someone wrote about this here in another @bpforever1 ‘s threads.

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Default May 14, 2021 at 09:14 AM
  #74
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Didn’t get it when you said that you were feeling tired. Tired of what? If you don’t mind to share.

Sorry for your loss! 😔
I'm just tired in general. I think it may be due to my hormones which are undergoing a change from age. Otherwise, I am fine.
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Default May 17, 2021 at 05:55 AM
  #75
He and I are doing well still. He writes me twice a day to wish me well. I reply all of the time. So, he is the head manager of his division and goes on a lot of business trips throughout the country. He comes back and visits me afterwards. This is nice of him. I cook for him. He stays over now overnight. This is fine with me. I do like him a lot. We get along well. Well, so far he has not turned into a jerk yet. I don't know if I'm missing anything. We don't talk about everything but talk about how we feel about each other. He is nice and sweet with no drama. I spend my time now thinking of meals to make him and me. It is nice when most of the time I was eating out. So, he likes eating my meals. I enjoy his company and vice versa. He is quite involved in his work but makes time for me. I always open my apartment to him. So far so good. I don't know where this is leading. I just take it one day at a time given my situation. I am good to him and he is good to me. I have no complaints. He tries to pay for the meals but I am not into asking him for such petty matters. He does pay when I ask but for the most part I just go grocery shopping on my own and pay myself. I am not going to ask him to pay everything 50/50 when I appreciate his company and we are still getting to know each other. I am happy to say the least. This is the first relationship that has gone well although for a short period. I don't know what happened to my liking abusive men but this man is not abusive. I am blessed for now.
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Default May 17, 2021 at 06:09 AM
  #76
I think he should pay for these meals, not you. You are taking care of this man. You have opened your home to him and you've mentioned cooking for him several times. Do you ever go out to eat? Why are you always cooking for him? Don't you go out too? IMO, the man should treat the woman too, it should be 50/50, and most certainly a woman shouldn't carry the financial burden within a relationship. I find it strange that you're frequently cooking at home for him. Does this man live nearby to you? Does he ever invite you over to his home? Have you been to HIS home yet? Does he live alone or with roommates? What do you know of his living situation? A man who frequently travels on business could easily be in another relationship unbeknownst to you, and you could be his side dish, especially if you've never been to his home. Just sayin'. You need to still be wary of random strangers you meet on the internet - many ARE in relationships and want someone on the side. I think it would benefit you to ask to go to his home too. And see what his living situation is like. Ask him to invite YOU over for dinner and see what he says.

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Default May 17, 2021 at 06:51 AM
  #77
He lives with another man in a dorm situation. He just arrived here three months ago and lives in the company dorm which I don't want to visit. I understand that it is fair for him to pay 50/50. But, he does pay when we go out. He lives in the dorm about an hour away. I really don't want to go there. I offer to make meals for him so it is my treat. He never asks me to make meals for him. I like to cook so I'm not unhappy about it. I understand he could be in a relationship with another person may be abroad. He just came from Europe. But, he is here to stay for awhile. He says he is divorced with no kids. He loves his sister and her kids as his family. I know he could be using me for meals but really doubt it. He can afford something more delicious on his salary. So, may be, he is being nice to me. I usually don't cook and don't think my cooking is that great. lol!! So, tomorrow I'm making chicken avocado salad and bruschetta. Before, I made chicken tacos. Prior to this, I made curry. I like cooking for others but don't know if it tastes that good. I adore him so don't mind cooking for him. Also, I really don't think he is involved with anybody else. He is eccentric in some ways. I took a pic of him and me together too. And, he did not mind. He just came from Europe because of lockdown about three months ago. He was at home for almost a year in self-isolation. He was scared he said to go out and meet anybody. He is vaccinated against covid-19 now. I don't think he is cheating on me. He is older than me and has a physical flaw that could turn off others. I accept him as a person totally and his flaw does not bother me. I really adore him. He is sweet and kind. I think we will make it as a couple and are taking it one day at time. Yes, thank you for the concern!! Also, he does not cook. So, we would just eat out if I wanted.
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Default May 17, 2021 at 01:37 PM
  #78
I've read this thread. I'll just list the potential red flags IMO purely to help just in case my gut feeling is not off, this is not to "rain" on your happiness. This is just me saying, stop, use your rational, objective brain half and place all the facts and happening with it too, not just with your emotions.


- Using a highly unlikely story about having no picture to boot

- Having come here from Europe for work - I don't know what background check you did, but have you checked his background in Europe too? Likely married there. Or maybe the whole story is a lie. Maybe even his name is fake and then your background check would fail if that's what it was based on.

- Him so quickly ending up having you do things for him, feeding him free, somehow. Biggest red flag so far even though the no pic story already gave me a gut feeling. The Europe story also did give me another.

- (Only a red flag together with the rest) Him living in a dorm - maybe that's true but maybe he expected you wouldn't feel like checking it out if he says he lives in a dorm.


***

I suggest you tell him you want to go over to his dorm at least once. See his reaction, does he get evasive in ANY way at all?

I would like to also suggest, you give it some time and attention and figure out how he had you feel like he is so nice that he can get any woman and so now you have to cook for him while he doesn't pay for his part in it. Big big red flag to me at that point.

It's wrong of him to let boundaries trespassed like that. Because if you two don't know each other yet, this boundary should be there about paying 50/50. This is how things will most likely be constructive in future, with maintaining good boundaries. He doesn't respect this boundary, sure it may be a genuine mistake but I just don't know if he's better than the average man. It gives me a red flag.



Also he has been acting nice so far. Sure, 6 dates, easy to keep acting nice. But if you ever do anything that he doesn't like, check out how he behaves then. That will tell you far more about him.



Overall, I don't know how old you are, but you said you never had more than 2-3 dates with a man before. That means you don't really know a lot about long-term romantic relationships yet and your gut feelings are not working about them yet, and you do not yet have much objective understanding of how things go in these relationships. (This is not a personal criticism! I'm not trying to offend) I recommend remaining down to earth and not jump into intense feelings while you build up experience. This is nothing personal here but I know how hard it can be if you get burned without experience.

One more piece of input. I noticed in one of your posts something about how he was reassuring you about your self-esteem or the like. That made me feel like, this is also part of being unexperienced in relationships. I don't know his intentions but you've likely been very open with him fast in a way it can make you vulnerable to people with bad intentions. It's best to avoid doing so, opening up so fast to someone you don't know any tangible facts about. Again I suggest you stop and give it attention and think a bit about how you ended up telling him all that. It is again one of the biggest red flags to me here.


All in all. What you are doing here is taking a risk by believing his words and not having the tangible facts about his actual background. You are taking a big risk emotionally and possibly otherwise too. It is like Russian roulette. He may actually be a good man or he may not be a good man at all. So it's a roulette, a lottery, where you are gambling with your deepest and most vulnerable emotions and possibly with your money etc as well.


And, I don't think there is a high chance that you ended up in a good relationship with a good guy if you haven't yet figured out what made abusive men find you. This man could be a more subtle version of the abusive, manipulative type. This is why I also feel like there are red flags here.



***

Sorry if I sound negative. I was heavily traumatised before by a manipulative guy. I was hit very bad. I don't think I'd like to see that happen to anyone else.


I wish you luck in any case!

I don't think I will be responding in this thread again as I have nothing more to add.

Last edited by Alive99; May 17, 2021 at 01:53 PM..
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Default May 17, 2021 at 04:22 PM
  #79
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I've read this thread. I'll just list the potential red flags IMO purely to help just in case my gut feeling is not off, this is not to "rain" on your happiness. This is just me saying, stop, use your rational, objective brain half and place all the facts and happening with it too, not just with your emotions.


- Using a highly unlikely story about having no picture to boot

- Having come here from Europe for work - I don't know what background check you did, but have you checked his background in Europe too? Likely married there. Or maybe the whole story is a lie. Maybe even his name is fake and then your background check would fail if that's what it was based on.

- Him so quickly ending up having you do things for him, feeding him free, somehow. Biggest red flag so far even though the no pic story already gave me a gut feeling. The Europe story also did give me another.

- (Only a red flag together with the rest) Him living in a dorm - maybe that's true but maybe he expected you wouldn't feel like checking it out if he says he lives in a dorm.


***

I suggest you tell him you want to go over to his dorm at least once. See his reaction, does he get evasive in ANY way at all?

I would like to also suggest, you give it some time and attention and figure out how he had you feel like he is so nice that he can get any woman and so now you have to cook for him while he doesn't pay for his part in it. Big big red flag to me at that point.

It's wrong of him to let boundaries trespassed like that. Because if you two don't know each other yet, this boundary should be there about paying 50/50. This is how things will most likely be constructive in future, with maintaining good boundaries. He doesn't respect this boundary, sure it may be a genuine mistake but I just don't know if he's better than the average man. It gives me a red flag.



Also he has been acting nice so far. Sure, 6 dates, easy to keep acting nice. But if you ever do anything that he doesn't like, check out how he behaves then. That will tell you far more about him.



Overall, I don't know how old you are, but you said you never had more than 2-3 dates with a man before. That means you don't really know a lot about long-term romantic relationships yet and your gut feelings are not working about them yet, and you do not yet have much objective understanding of how things go in these relationships. (This is not a personal criticism! I'm not trying to offend) I recommend remaining down to earth and not jump into intense feelings while you build up experience. This is nothing personal here but I know how hard it can be if you get burned without experience.

One more piece of input. I noticed in one of your posts something about how he was reassuring you about your self-esteem or the like. That made me feel like, this is also part of being unexperienced in relationships. I don't know his intentions but you've likely been very open with him fast in a way it can make you vulnerable to people with bad intentions. It's best to avoid doing so, opening up so fast to someone you don't know any tangible facts about. Again I suggest you stop and give it attention and think a bit about how you ended up telling him all that. It is again one of the biggest red flags to me here.


All in all. What you are doing here is taking a risk by believing his words and not having the tangible facts about his actual background. You are taking a big risk emotionally and possibly otherwise too. It is like Russian roulette. He may actually be a good man or he may not be a good man at all. So it's a roulette, a lottery, where you are gambling with your deepest and most vulnerable emotions and possibly with your money etc as well.


And, I don't think there is a high chance that you ended up in a good relationship with a good guy if you haven't yet figured out what made abusive men find you. This man could be a more subtle version of the abusive, manipulative type. This is why I also feel like there are red flags here.



***

Sorry if I sound negative. I was heavily traumatised before by a manipulative guy. I was hit very bad. I don't think I'd like to see that happen to anyone else.


I wish you luck in any case!

I don't think I will be responding in this thread again as I have nothing more to add.
Thank you for your insight. I understand your feelings about my situation. I was also abused in my last marriage and was wary of men. Being in an abusive situation really jades your perspective and makes all other situations with potential partners difficult. I come from an abusive family ended up in an abusive marriage but got out in one piece with just the clothes on my back. I know about the American culture of going 50/50 but this is just dating etiquette, not something that I follow since I was brought up in a cocoon of male chauvinism and male dominance. I have tried to be more feminist about my life but I'm more traditional and am not going to worry for now about going 50/50 when we are still getting to know each other. I know what I'm doing. I think after awhile if he always expects me to pay for everything then I will point this out. So far he offers to pay. I am not counting pennies and dollars for now. I am not rich by all means but am not so poor where I need the money from another to pay for meals. I understand that he could be married and giving me a fake name. I am taking a chance. Don't we all take a chance when dating someone? I feel comfortable with him. He is old-fashioned and very classy. I like his character and style so far. Yes, I don't know how he will be if he got angry but it is not in my character to find out by provoking him. He is quite a calm man. He does not anger easily so far from my mistakes I made. He is quite understanding so far. Yes, I know he could have a past but so do I. I have not always been stable and am doing well now but it has not always been this way for me. So, may be, we both have baggage. I accept him the way he is. IF I later find out he is lying to me about his situation, I will let him go. BUT, so far, he seems to be telling me the truth. So, I feel fine about him. IF I do find out, he is not who he says he is, yes, by all means I will let him go. BUT, he seems to be coming to meet me every chance he has. I do feel flattered by his attention. He could be living with another woman, yes. But, for me, I enjoy his company. So, for now, I believe him and his story. IF he does anything out of the ordinary to hurt me, I will let him go. Yes, I've been abused before but he does not seem manipulative to me nor abusive. He lets me make my own decisions and lets me do what I want. Yes, I like him a lot for now. BUT, if I see something wrong with his situation and his story of telling me otherwise, I will let him go. So far, I feel good about him. So, thank you for sharing your insight and your concerns. I am not blinded by infatuation or anything but base my feelings on how he treats me. He treats me well and better than the other men I have met. Yes, he could be still acting nice still. I don't know him that well and he does not know me that well either. So, we both are taking chances. We shall see what lies ahead.
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Default May 17, 2021 at 05:12 PM
  #80
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
Thank you for your insight. I understand your feelings about my situation. I was also abused in my last marriage and was wary of men. Being in an abusive situation really jades your perspective and makes all other situations with potential partners difficult. I come from an abusive family ended up in an abusive marriage but got out in one piece with just the clothes on my back. I know about the American culture of going 50/50 but this is just dating etiquette, not something that I follow since I was brought up in a cocoon of male chauvinism and male dominance. I have tried to be more feminist about my life but I'm more traditional and am not going to worry for now about going 50/50 when we are still getting to know each other. I know what I'm doing. I think after awhile if he always expects me to pay for everything then I will point this out. So far he offers to pay. I am not counting pennies and dollars for now. I am not rich by all means but am not so poor where I need the money from another to pay for meals. I understand that he could be married and giving me a fake name. I am taking a chance. Don't we all take a chance when dating someone? I feel comfortable with him. He is old-fashioned and very classy. I like his character and style so far. Yes, I don't know how he will be if he got angry but it is not in my character to find out by provoking him. He is quite a calm man. He does not anger easily so far from my mistakes I made. He is quite understanding so far. Yes, I know he could have a past but so do I. I have not always been stable and am doing well now but it has not always been this way for me. So, may be, we both have baggage. I accept him the way he is. IF I later find out he is lying to me about his situation, I will let him go. BUT, so far, he seems to be telling me the truth. So, I feel fine about him. IF I do find out, he is not who he says he is, yes, by all means I will let him go. BUT, he seems to be coming to meet me every chance he has. I do feel flattered by his attention. He could be living with another woman, yes. But, for me, I enjoy his company. So, for now, I believe him and his story. IF he does anything out of the ordinary to hurt me, I will let him go. Yes, I've been abused before but he does not seem manipulative to me nor abusive. He lets me make my own decisions and lets me do what I want. Yes, I like him a lot for now. BUT, if I see something wrong with his situation and his story of telling me otherwise, I will let him go. So far, I feel good about him. So, thank you for sharing your insight and your concerns. I am not blinded by infatuation or anything but base my feelings on how he treats me. He treats me well and better than the other men I have met. Yes, he could be still acting nice still. I don't know him that well and he does not know me that well either. So, we both are taking chances. We shall see what lies ahead.

I saw you responded. Some post earlier sounded like you never dated anyone long, but apparently you meant that only about online dating then, if you've had a marriage before. That makes it a bit different, your situation. I still see the red flags though. Of course I hope they don't turn out to be real bad issues. There is a bit of a chance that they don't mean anything. It's just my gut feelings like I said before. Good luck again with all of this. (I likely won't have time to follow the thread further)
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