Dating again!

So, I'm spending time with this man because I like his company and it gives me something to do. Before, I ate out and just spent my time sleeping. So, he gives me something to do. I also like the fact we give each other space. He has his work and I have mine. I try not to interfere with his work and neither does he. So, we have an understanding that we meet when we both have time.

I am not perfect myself so don't expect perfection from him. I come from a highly dysfunctional family. My parents never told me about dating and the opposite sex. I learned everything on my own. They never told me to be with anybody and never encouraged me to be with anyone. Actually, they never wanted me to marry and to live for them. I realized their selfishness and decided to learn on my own. I do have baggage myself. I can't expect another man to accept me if I don't accept him. So, I know I should have high standards about men but right now I just want companionship and friendship. I am not asking for much. He is nice to me and decent. He treats me well. So, I have no complaints. Yes, he could turn into jerk and may become manipulative. But, so far he has not.

He comes from a good family unlike mine. He is close to his sister and her family since he has no kids. I am not sure yet if I want a long-term relationship with him since we are taking it one day at a time. I will see in about a month or two if our relationship leads anywhere.

I am enjoying his company for now. I am not seeking anything nor demanding anything serious for now. We hardly know each other.. It takes time to build a good relationship. So, I'm just being myself and allowing him to be himself.

I am happy with him so far. I will become worried if he seems less than enthusiastic about me. So far, it is going well. I could be inquisitive but appreciate when he tells me on his own about himself. He asks me about my family too but not too much. I think he is trying to get to know me as a person as I am with him. As people say, he could lie about himself so asking him about his life is rather useless. I base my opinion on how he treats me and how he is with me. Actions speak louder than words.

I hope he doesn’t show up empty handed. Not saying he should bring bags of groceries (although he certainly could if he is a head manager) but at the very least he should come over with dessert, flowers, fruits, something else for the house etc Doesn’t just show up empty handed to eat for free and spend the night. It’s rude if that’s what he does.

He bought me a chocolate pie and offers to pay. So, when I need him to pay, I will. So far I am not worried about it. Yes, I should get him to pay more but for now, I am not hurting financially and am not counting who pays for what. My father never bought my mother flowers nor chocolates but stayed around for over 60 years with her. They love each other by taking care of each other. He works while she keeps house. I know these type of arrangements are of my parents' generation. I am not really into flowers, chocolates, gifts that are meaningless. I just want him to stick around and be a man to me. Yes, one day I expect him to care for me as I am caring for him. I think this is not unexpected if I take care of his needs while I can. I don't think he is a bad man. He is a little male chauvinistic but I don't mind. I really like him for now. He is not ideal but is ideal for me.

Forgive me for saying so, but I feel like you're contradicting yourself by saying he could be a jerk, he could be married, he could be living with a woman and I'll be careful, but then still you're making grand statements like he's ideal for you and that you adore him. And sorry, I don't mean to point fingers and blame you here, I have all good intentions of watching out for your emotional well being and safety.

I agree with the poster who pointed out all the red flags. One red flag standing out to me the most right now is he claims he lives in a dorm. This seems like a set up so you won't want to come visit him. And he travels a lot on business, and had no photo on his dating profile. These are red flags, in addition to the chauvinism you just mentioned. You said you don't mind this, but this could be an indicator of how he may treat you once the honeymoon phase ends. You mentioned you grew up in a chauvinistic household, so perhaps it's easier to let this slide because you're used to it and were conditioned to this behavior growing up. I think it's something to watch out for. He treats you well now, but of course he does since you're taking care of his every need - you feed him, you give him a home to sleep him and you're taking care of him. This is far too much too soon in my opinion. He should also be reciprocating - how is HE taking care of YOU? Is he? You say you don't want flowers or chocolate or little gifts, but these are the things men should be doing in the beginning of a new relationship. But he doesn't need to do any of these things since you are doing all the giving without asking for reciprocation.

I feel wary of this man given several red flags. My gut tells me he has another woman somewhere, and that he's fabricated moving there within the last 3 months to live in a dorm and travel on business. The biggest tip off is no photo on his profile. When dating, people who are married and involved don't use photos because they don't want to be found out. Those who are single and looking to date have photos.

Again, I think you need to avoid conclusive statements such as he is ideal for me and I adore him. Wait on coming to conclusions about this man. You still do not know him well, and he very likely could be lying to you given all the red flags pointed out here.

Well I am not sure he is a male chauvinist. Don’t they feel and act like they are superior to women? He lives in a dorm (head manager in a dorm???) and regularly eats for free in a woman’s house, woman he barely knows! Nothing superior about that.

IF it's even true that he lives in a dorm.

Will the moderator please close this thread? It is becoming a cat fight unfortunately. I am no longer interested in hearing from others about this subject. Thank you!!

I don't see a cat fight happening here at all. No one here is arguing with one another. I think the point is that he could be lying to you and people, including myself, are wary of this man. There are many red flags.

I don’t see any fights, quite the opposite. People who posted on your thread are all in agreement that you need to be careful with this man as his behavior and stories are suspicious. I didn’t notice anyone fighting about anything. Of course those are just opinions about this man and you are free to do as you see fit

That sure is a lot of questions, and rightfully so. To me, he sounds full of fluff - all these stories of resorts and villas and buying a condo wth cash? It's not adding up when he lives in a dorm. And he talks about the mafia? Be very careful.

Careful? Well, I'm trying my best. Also, do you know the meaning of cheap? He is cheap but his wallet is not. He has tons of money in it. So, no, I don't think of stealing from him. I don't go near his phone nor his wallet. I am a bit wary of him but am alone here. So, here we go again!! I will just let him be. I think being myself and not asking too many questions are perfect for my safety. I don't want to know too much about him. But, he sounds interesting but so cheap that I figure he must have saved much money somewhere. Who cares though!! I will just be myself. I like him but don't know where it will lead. May be, no where? I don't know. I am so tired that sometimes I don't care. I think I caught something fishy!! lol!!!

@bpforever1
I understand your upsetting. It has been made lots of assumptions about this guy. I want to believe that they were only due to call your attention to be cautious.
I wanted to stress you on two points:
One is that you said he has a physical flaw and it makes you feel more confident in the sense that he could be more available. It gives you kind of sense of security. But, I wonder up to what point a relationship could be based on you or the other being seen as inferior.

The other point is that I see you very given. Slow it down. Give yourself the permit to see what the other does. There must be a balance, especially in these first stages of knowing each other.

I based this reply on a lengthy post you made but must have deleted. You had a lot of questions about this guy and seemed to be expressing more doubt than usual, and I think rightfully so given all that you wrote today but deleted.

It’s normal she has doubts. She is at the beginning of a relationship. And never is out of place to consider things that it’s worthy to take into account.
Deleted? What does she have delete? I missed this.
I normally receive notifications on my e-mail account but it’s only shown the first new post.

I never said it's not normal to have doubts. The OP jumps in typically into relationships and gets into trouble this way each and every time, if you do not know the history. This is the first time she is expressing some amount of doubt since meeting this man. We've all cautioned her because of many red flags we all see in this man.

Have you read the entire thread? It doesn't seem like you have and like you're jumping in mid-story.

Did you even read my post? 🤨

Why would I quote you if I hadn't read your post? That's a silly question. The OP had written a lengthy post to which I had replied. When I returned an hour later, that lengthy post had been deleted.

Yeah there was a post about organized crime and some resorts and buying condos with cash. It isn’t here anymore.

So, I'm feeling ok and am always tired though. Yes, he has a physical flaw. I don't feel he is inferior though. I don't know what to make of him actually. I think he is going to be away this weekend again so I will have time to myself. I need to think. I'm not sure what I can do that is constructive. So, I do like him but don't really know him well yet. I will be cautious. I do like being with him when he is with me. But, his background is something I can't pin down and something I don't want to really know from what I already know. Thank you for reading!! Have a nice day!

He and I still text daily. He is getting busier though. He has to travel all over the country as the new manager. I am feeling ok about him. He always says positive things to me and uplifts my spirits. I do like him. As for his background, I am not sure about it. I will base my feelings on how he treats me, not what he says about himself. I have not revealed my illness either yet because I have not asked him about his physical health either. So far, he seems to be in great physical shape. Also, he does not give me any drama. As for his talk about the mafia, I brought up this subject myself because my father likes mafia movies. So, we had a lengthy chat about mafia movies and how we enjoy them. And, as for his cheapness, well, he offers to pay and does pay when I ask. So, he is not always cheap but is willing to pay when asked. So, I do like him. He is good to me so far. He is supportive of me also. He never puts me down or questions my actions. He also is private about his work so I make sure not to ask too many questions about this. He plays down his role but I believe he is a executive manager of several countries in this area of the world. He travels extensively. He is traveling this weekend again. I really don't care about his job. My job is nothing grand so I am not going to expect his job to be something grand. I like him for his actions towards me. Yes, he likes to be served but he does offer to help me in the kitchen if I need it. So, I could ask for more help, but don't really need it for now. As for his living situation, his roommate might move out when his family arrives. It is hard to rent here. Some places don't like foreigners. So, it is very difficult to rent here. I myself have experienced this here. In a nutshell, we are doing great!!