When do you say enough?

TishaBuv · 02-22-2021, 09:01 AM

Commercials depict someone surprises the family with a car in the driveway with a big bow on it and they are all delighted. You had discussed your intent to purchase the truck. It sounds like your h didn’t like the surprise that you did it without him. It came from his sense of lack of control. Maybe he worried you hadn’t gotten a good deal or something to that effect. Tbh, my h would have freaked out too. Sexist, I know.

It would have been nice if it had been that Hallmark moment where they saw the truck and were happy. Yeah, it was about control. You really didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that your h isn’t the type of person who reacted the way you had hoped.

Enjoy the truck and try to get past the moment that didn’t fly. Is he glad you got the truck overall?

Open Eyes · 02-22-2021, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Commercials depict someone surprises the family with a car in the driveway with a big bow on it and they are all delighted.

LOL, yeah "The Fantasy". Who wouldn't want that?

Werewoman · 02-22-2021, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Commercials depict someone surprises the family with a car in the driveway with a big bow on it and they are all delighted. You had discussed your intent to purchase the truck. It sounds like your h didn’t like the surprise that you did it without him. It came from his sense of lack of control. Maybe he worried you hadn’t gotten a good deal or something to that effect. Tbh, my h would have freaked out too. Sexist, I know.

It would have been nice if it had been that Hallmark moment where they saw the truck and were happy. Yeah, it was about control. You really didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that your h isn’t the type of person who reacted the way you had hoped.

Enjoy the truck and try to get past the moment that didn’t fly. Is he glad you got the truck overall?

He has no issue with the truck. I have bought many vehicles on my own. He has his work truck and I have the 'family' car, so to speak, so I'm the one who makes that decision, usually. I needed a truck because I take care of my elderly father.

His issue with me is when the lump sum from disability arrived in my bank account - I keep a separate account for the disability checks. I pay my medical bills out of it - I didn't inform him that it arrived.

divine1966 · 02-22-2021, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werewoman

It's a Colorado. It's a crew cab but its smaller than a Silverado. I just sold my old 2003 trailblazer. I only drive bowties. I wasn't aware there was any other make of vehicle.

I am loyal to the brand too

divine1966 · 02-22-2021, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Commercials depict someone surprises the family with a car in the driveway with a big bow on it and they are all delighted. You had discussed your intent to purchase the truck. It sounds like your h didn’t like the surprise that you did it without him. It came from his sense of lack of control. Maybe he worried you hadn’t gotten a good deal or something to that effect. Tbh, my h would have freaked out too. Sexist, I know.

It would have been nice if it had been that Hallmark moment where they saw the truck and were happy. Yeah, it was about control. You really didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that your h isn’t the type of person who reacted the way you had hoped.

Enjoy the truck and try to get past the moment that didn’t fly. Is he glad you got the truck overall?

I think it’s more about type of personalities. Rather than sexist. My husband wouldn’t care and wouldn’t skip a beat if I showed up with a truck but i’d freak out if he showed up with unplanned major purchase, he is easy going. I am a planner. lol He also tends to sign up for things that dealer offers without thinking he needs it (extra care plan and some other unnecessary things). He does it because he has hard time saying no to a dealer. I have no issue saying no.

I think if someone was sole bread winner I’d not mind to see a new car on a driveway that he bought for me without my involvement. But we contribute to our life style equally so I’d not want unexpected cars!

divine1966 · 02-22-2021, 11:41 AM

If he already knew you buying a truck and that the money comes in, then he really can’t complain it’s a complete surprise. He had reasonable heads up

Werewoman · 02-22-2021, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

If he already knew you buying a truck and that the money comes in, then he really can’t complain it’s a complete surprise. He had reasonable heads up

Thank you! My thoughts exactly.

Werewoman · 02-22-2021, 11:50 AM

A lot of what I was referring to in my original post regarding his words was how people like him, unknowingly I hope, say the most horrible, painful things because they really don't understand MI at all and I gave up trying to get him to educate himself. My dad is the same way.

TishaBuv · 02-23-2021, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werewoman

He has no issue with the truck. I have bought many vehicles on my own. He has his work truck and I have the 'family' car, so to speak, so I'm the one who makes that decision, usually. I needed a truck because I take care of my elderly father.

His issue with me is when the lump sum from disability arrived in my bank account - I keep a separate account for the disability checks. I pay my medical bills out of it - I didn't inform him that it arrived.

I don’t understand why he got upset about that, so upset that he was mad about the truck when you arrived with it.

Have Hope · 02-23-2021, 07:25 AM

Whoa... so in reading the latest entries, let me get this straight. He already knew of your plans to buy the truck? And he also knew the money was coming in from disability? Yet what he was not informed of was when the money came into your account? And that is it? And then you bought a truck because you are taking care of your father and needed the truck?

This puts a whole different spin on this situation..... if he already was aware of your intent to purchase the truck, AND of the money coming in, then yes, this does seem like an overreaction on his part.

I still remain of the same opinion that his nastiness towards you was completely uncalled for.

02-22-2021, 09:01 AM	#41
TishaBuv Wise Elder TishaBuv has no updates. Member Since: Dec 2014 Location: USA Posts: 8,950 (SuperPoster!) 1,385 hugs given	Re: When do you say enough? Commercials depict someone surprises the family with a car in the driveway with a big bow on it and they are all delighted. You had discussed your intent to purchase the truck. It sounds like your h didn’t like the surprise that you did it without him. It came from his sense of lack of control. Maybe he worried you hadn’t gotten a good deal or something to that effect. Tbh, my h would have freaked out too. Sexist, I know. It would have been nice if it had been that Hallmark moment where they saw the truck and were happy. Yeah, it was about control. You really didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that your h isn’t the type of person who reacted the way you had hoped. Enjoy the truck and try to get past the moment that didn’t fly. Is he glad you got the truck overall? __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T
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02-22-2021, 11:41 AM	#46
divine1966 Legendary divine1966 Tired!!! Member Since: Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 17,797 (SuperPoster!) 1,034 hugs given	Re: When do you say enough? If he already knew you buying a truck and that the money comes in, then he really can’t complain it’s a complete surprise. He had reasonable heads up
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02-22-2021, 11:50 AM	#48
Werewoman Poohbah Werewoman Is a bit, well...wered. Member Since: May 2014 Location: Betelgeuse Posts: 1,173 854 hugs given	Re: When do you say enough? A lot of what I was referring to in my original post regarding his words was how people like him, unknowingly I hope, say the most horrible, painful things because they really don't understand MI at all and I gave up trying to get him to educate himself. My dad is the same way. __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd The more the light shines through me I pretend to close my eyes The more the dark consumes me I pretend I'm burning bright The more the light shines through me I pretend to close my eyes The more the dark consumes me I pretend I'm burning ~ Shinedown
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02-23-2021, 07:25 AM	#50
Have Hope Grand Magnate Have Hope has no updates. Member Since: Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 4,989 (SuperPoster!) 2,166 hugs given	Re: When do you say enough? Whoa... so in reading the latest entries, let me get this straight. He already knew of your plans to buy the truck? And he also knew the money was coming in from disability? Yet what he was not informed of was when the money came into your account? And that is it? And then you bought a truck because you are taking care of your father and needed the truck? This puts a whole different spin on this situation..... if he already was aware of your intent to purchase the truck, AND of the money coming in, then yes, this does seem like an overreaction on his part. I still remain of the same opinion that his nastiness towards you was completely uncalled for. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes
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