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Open Eyes
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 12:10 PM
  #81
The fact that you are willing to admit that you have challenges and at times they get the best of you means you can learn how to manage these challenges. Scary people are the ones that don't admit they have problems, the people that distort and believe their distortions and make up their own version of reality are the ones that are not receptive towards better managing their thoughts and behaviors.

Robin Williams had bipolar and he didn't know it and he was able to use his mania, harness it where he was able to use language and speak physically with his body too. He saw his mind and how his mind worked as a gift. Truth is, a lot of very creative/artistic individuals had/have bipolor. They are not easy to live with because of the highs and lows.

We are learning more about what it means to have bipolar, what happens in the brain itself. As they learn more they create medications to address how the brain goes into more depressive states that can last for one day or several as each person is different. At least there are people who dedicate themselves to studying and learning about the "why" behind challenges. If we KNOW what is there, then we can HELP that child/person learn to work around whatever way their brain is wired. And we can educate them in a way that compliments how their brain is wired instead of expecting them to learn a certain way where they are often considered "stupid" or not smart enough simply because they actually LEARN differently. This is what ends up creating low self esteem that can plague a person their entire life.

I have conversations with my therapist who I really like a lot. His wife has ADHD and so does his son. He explains that when it comes to his son and learning what helps him focus better is if he is able to sit on a large bouncy ball that allows him to feel "motion", and motion he generates. My husband works with another man, younger man and that man also has ADHD as does my husband and that man also has a huge bouncy ball that he sits on when he is working at his desk that he can move around from his desk to other things he has set up that he needs for setting up jobs (he is a builder like my husband). If we can identify challenges or certain ways a brain is wired, then we CAN accomodate that just as is being done with my therapist's child who inherited his brain wiring from his mother. His mother also does best in motion, and she has a genius IQ.

Personally, I feel that instead of a child failing when it comes to education, it's more of the educational expectations that fail the child instead. I also feel that parents, through ignorance also fail their children when they decide the child is not good enough if the child isn't learning or achieving according to what they are told to expect. Often, a person can develop ptsd because they were treated so badly for something they could not help. It doesn't surprise me how someone can have a certain challenge due to brain wiring and also struggle with ptsd.

When your brother told you to own your bipolar, I don't think he said that to hurt you. He could have said that to you in a nicer way. I know how it feels when another person is mean or too blunt, especially when I was struggling and genuinely did not understand WHY, things were said to me that were extremely cold and insensitive.

I think the title to your thread was misunderstood. I think others were thinking that you were dealing with a husband that tended to be abusive. Truth is that is not always the case and it's more about lack of communication and that can be extra challenging when someone is struggling with a MI. Given what you have listed as Mental Health challenges, I am assuming what you shared is diagnosed by a professional.

My therapist is just a little older than my daughter. What I noticed about him is that BECAUSE there is more awareness about ADHD and the brain wiring that a person has that causes the ADHD, he is able to have a relationship with his wife and son UNDERSTANDING what it means. This makes communication much better. I did not have that for many years and I witnessed a lot of bad things that today would be considered "abuse".

When you mentioned that you love and adore your husband BUT, I know what you mean. He probably put up with a lot when you struggled. However, others are not in your head, they don't really understand certain challenges. Yes, I believe you when you say "the thing".

I try to remember how my husband doesn't really understand what a trigger really does to me. He simply is not in my head where he can experience what it means. There are times where it can get debilitating for me and it's NOT something I choose to experience. At times he reacts in ways that only make it worse too, because he tends to insinuate that I am choosing when that is simply not the case.

The fact that you are willing to admit that you can get bad is a big deal. It's a step towards admitting you have a problem verses blaming your problem on others. Managing one's own MI is a lot of work. The fact that you got past being triggered and angry in such a short time is actually a big deal. Often it is a combination of a medication and learning to pay attention to how certain things can create a reaction in you to take place.

It's important to keep in mind that your husband isn't in your head and if you have had serious meltdowns/episodes he will genuinely wonder if that is what he will be facing with you. The one thing I know is that when it comes to Mental Health challenges, it's sure isn't black and white.
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eskielover
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Default Mar 12, 2021 at 09:07 AM
  #82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
I, for one, am not expecting him to be superhuman but to demonstrate basic human compassion towards someone (his spouse!) who is struggling with a MI. Is that too much to ask to show some respect rather than to lose it and treat you so badly? I really don't see how that is helpful.

I also don't see it as justifiable that just because someone (he) runs out of patience, it is okay to demean, shout down, abuse someone else.
It is called burnout, his glass is not only filled up but NOW is overflowing & that is where the lack of patience comes from. No it is NOT OK to demean, shout down, or abuse someone else but if he has not been doing this all along in your marriage then I would be seriously thinking his limits are being pushed.

I was in that state by the time I walked out on my marriage after 30+ years. By the end I was actually seeing red any time I had to deal with him. It took time to build to that point & I had a career before the last 13 years where I could distance from all the frustrations & irritations HIS BEHAVIOR caused in my life. Never forget that our behaviors can negatively affect others as badly as theirs affects us & if it can't be resolved it only grows worse with time.

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