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Steelhit
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Trig Mar 09, 2021 at 10:45 AM
  #1
Here’s my story. One month ago, I went to an house party hosted by a friend of mine; for some reasons, i always wanted to be the most charming and “powerful” person at those kind of social gatherings. I started planning on what to say, how to act, etc. But the moment i entered my friend’s home, i felt really anxious and “stuck”. Maybe stuck is the right word.
There was a group of friend of mine, people i usually talk with, and this group of girls, strangers, friends of the host’s girlfriend. I felt stuck right after i entered the room.
I haven’t spoke.. Maybe, a few times with my friend.
Other people, excluding someone just like me, were having fun, partying and enjoing.
You now what i did?
I took a chair, sit, confortable and large, spreading the legs, foots on the table, and looked at them, completely stuck and silent.
Then, the real thing happend…
We all went to a place in the woods, a place where you can see stars and you have a nice look all over the city.
All of my friend, even the shy guys..they all had a girl arm in arm, walking to our destination.. Me?
I officially entered in “silent prophet mode”, I call it this way, because i started leading the group to the destination, not saying a word, silent.
Long story short, waking up the next day and seeing no one of the stanger girls saying goodbye to me, even if I said it loud and clear, made me very angry..
Possible trigger:

I then came back home and stayed in the couch for 3 days, not listening to school lessons, leaving my friends on read, barely eating. My mom was pretty upset about it, but i said to her to “leave me the **** alone, or I’m gonna hurt someone in this house one day”, and we barely spoke since this incident.
This is my story, I’m an 18 years old guy who thought have the answers for all fo his inner problems, but was wrong.
Thank you in advance for the answers.

Last edited by CANDC; Mar 09, 2021 at 09:27 PM.. Reason: Community Guidelines
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AzulOscuro
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 02:05 PM
  #2
You’re putting your frustration and blame into these girls. Would you see as a fair thing to do?
I was like you. I didn’t fit when I was in my teens or so I thought. I never blame others for my own problems or my feelings.

This is the first thing you have to understand. Are you ready to do it?

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 02:30 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Steelhit View Post
for some reasons, i always wanted to be the most charming and “powerful” person at those kind of social gatherings.
That's why. Do you struggle with your self-esteem? It sounds like you do. This is the worst kind of mindset one can have. The person who aims to be the best usually finishes last when there is noone to compete, and people don't compete - they're busy having fun!
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:11 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by MisterPaul View Post
That's why. Do you struggle with your self-esteem? It sounds like you do. This is the worst kind of mindset one can have. The person who aims to be the best usually finishes last when there is noone to compete, and people don't compete - they're busy having fun!
There’s a mindset that it’s worse. That fact that you want to be like anybody else, fit like anybody not more, but you feel so little that you prefer to avoid being in that situation.

P.S.: Pretty much worse. And not for this you are gonna put the blame onto the others, who are living their lives without knowing about what it’s happening inside you. That it’s in the end, your problem.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
There’s a mindset that it’s worse. That fact that you want to be like anybody else, fit like anybody not more, but you feel so little that you prefer to avoid being in that situation.

P.S.: Pretty much worse. And not for this you are gonna put the blame onto the others, who are living their lives without knowing about what it’s happening inside you. That it’s in the end, your problem.
I agree, but what does it have to do with me?
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:37 PM
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I agree, but what does it have to do with me?
Agree. It has nothing to do with you. I wanted to point out that it was even worse when you feel you can’t be up to anyone. I mean, you feel so little that the only idea to want to expect from yourself being the sauce of the party is light-years from you.

Both have to do with a low self-esteem.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:44 PM
  #7
I’m sorry but I felt triggered by the fact that you blamed girls. Or blame others because you feel not good enough.

But, please, don’t feel uncomfortable, I’m only trying you to see it. Frustration can lead us to blame others.

I have a question for you? If you want to reply of course. How was your parenting? Many of these problems have its root in the way we were raised.
Do you think you can see a professional to treat how you feel? Because believe it or not, I feel reflected on you and I took the decision to apart myself from society at 17 and that time I couldn’t afford a therapist to help me.

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Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 04:07 PM
  #8
i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about this being related to your self-esteem perhaps. i can relate to what you write because i also used to be shy and still am actually. i'd suggest to try to work on that, perhaps even consulting a therapist. What about a school counselor? Please do not do anything dangerous and/or harmful to yourself or others. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Steelhit, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Mar 12, 2021 at 12:31 PM
  #9
Well, if you adopt such a macho, posturing way (spreading legs, taking space, staring at people etc.) is it any wonder girls won't want to have anything to do with you?

What you call your 'silent prophet mode' can be read as someone with a big ego or on a power trip and disrespectful.

Your non-verbal attitude is very off-putting. If you want to attract people to you, be open and humble. Not domineering.
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Thanks for this!
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Default Mar 12, 2021 at 01:09 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
Well, if you adopt such a macho, posturing way (spreading legs, taking space, staring at people etc.) is it any wonder girls won't want to have anything to do with you?
Actually those stuffs can be very attractive once the "performing" person is believable. I bet he wasn't in which case it works as you've said.
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