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Phrysca
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Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 72
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#1
Growing up, family was always first, and I didn't ask why I had to do things I just did. As of now, my family feels like my enemies. The main thing that bothers me is what they did to me and because I never really made it a big deal, now it's biting me in the.... Growing up, I couldn't stand my mother, and I think she felt the same about me. Now, everyone who meets her says she is the sweetest, the nicest... First of all, what is she doing talking to people behind my back; she never took the time to get to know my friends growing up? And my father, we used to have an understanding, now we can't even be in the same room. My mother never liked our relationship. When I was eighteen I got my first job making 12 an hour. My mother asked me why I was only making two dollars less then she was when she had worked all my life. Instead of being happy for me, I felt she was jealous? She was upset instead of being proud?
I only started building a relationship with her after I found out I was going to have a girl, and she managed to even ruin my relationship with my daughter too. She took my children after I did something she didn't like. She went six months without talking to me. Now I don't want to talk to her. People tell me to forgive - I have been forgiving her and the rest of my family for years. I understand all of that I just don't feel like it's the right thing to do amymore. Why should I keep subjecting myself to the torments of their lies and have to belittle myself just because it is "the right thing to do?" What if it isn't the right thing to do. Because they keep doing this to me. I don't trust them at the same time I do not want to feel like this anymore. |
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AzulOscuro, Bill3
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AzulOscuro
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Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
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#2
You are not forced to deal with her if you can’t do it.
If it provokes you to feel bad, misunderstood or feel bad. As much as someone can be our biological parent, it doesn’t mean they behave like that or know how to behave like that. The fact that you noticed she was kind of jealousy of your relation with your dad, doesn’t put her under the best light. She should be happy of your getting well with everyone and that every got well with you, especially, your progenitor. Do you have siblings? __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Legendary
MickeyCheeky
My echo is the only voice coming back
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
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#3
i agree with the wise and wonderful AzulOscuro. i am So Sorry that things are being hard! i'd suggest to give yourself some Time to focus on yourself. it is good that you forgave them but perhaps it is best to try to move on. You can always try to rebuild your relationship with them later on. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Phrysca, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Phrysca
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Phrysca
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#4
As we get older and develop our own lives away from family, we can start to see our parents in a different light. It sounds like your mother is a very self centered person. And you are beginning to see your parents in a different light, this can happen and this is when it's important to establish boundaries in that you are no longer a child under their control, you have a right to live your own life.
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poshgirl
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poshgirl
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Member
Phrysca
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Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 72
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#5
Quote:
I had six, one passed. Him and I were the black sheep of all of us, and their reaction to his death really upset me. They literally treated him like an orphan who just moved in so at all cost they had to avoid him. My parents are good people but even my son sees that they weren't good parents. |
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AzulOscuro
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Member
Phrysca
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Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 72
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#6
Quote:
There is my issue, boundaries and their control because they are given it too often and when they had non with me they used tactics to get some and like a child I acted out. I see the issues, but the problems are mine to carry so they don't have the burden of admitting their mistakes. |
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Member
Phrysca
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Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 72
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#7
I am the youngest female out of three and four brothers. I am nothing like my sisters and the oldest one is given too much authority so her anger is what drives their actions towards me. My biggest and hardest problem is her to the point of actually wanting her dead. Luckily for me I am not a violent person, but avoiding her at all costs is detrimental. We both know that there is a huge darkness between us and I tried disowning her years ago only my mother didn't allow it. Now they just use my children against me.
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AzulOscuro
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poshgirl
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Grand Magnate
AzulOscuro
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Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
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#8
I asked you about your siblings because even when you have a bad relation with your mother, it doesn’t mean you can’t get well on with your siblings.
These kinds of things happens in many families. Maybe your older sister has a similar character and personality to your mother and they are in the same vibe while you feel apart. It also happens a lot. How do you get on with your other siblings? I’m sorry what happen to your brother and how he was perceived. Sure, you miss him a lot. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Veteran Member
poshgirl
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Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Birmingham UK
Posts: 603
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#9
Certainly agree with comment that we can see family differently as we get older. I am different from my mother personality wise. Thankfully!
Throughout my life, from teenage years onwards, it became obvious she favoured my brother. This has continued until recently, when she finally realised he shouldn't be occupying the pedestal she placed him on. Nothing very serious, just breaking promises to do jobs for her (his wife is a dominant person, he's just let her take over). My relationship with my mother has been rocky. Many times I've wanted to walk away. On the brink when Covid struck. Who has formed "bubble" with her, doing her shopping, helping her with paying bills/paperwork? Yes, Me! Often we never know why a parent chooses a favourite child or treats one differently from another. It can be jealousy or an intellectual difference which, instead of being accepted and praised, generates constant put-downs. Yes, this can happen over a short or long period. In my case, over 40 years. Now her health is failing, she's reached out to the one person whose life she's made difficult. Life is strange! |
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