[rdgrad15]

Through life you will meet people with varying degrees of closeness. That is perfectly normal and is expected to happen. The only observation I've made, and even experienced, is when someone claims to be close to you but their actions tell a slightly different story. It doesn't mean you guys are not friends, you guys may be friends, but not as close as they may claim you are. I've had people in the past and even now claim to be best friends with me, but their actions not just towards me, but towards others, make me think otherwise.

I know someone who has claimed to be best friends with someone else in the past but as soon as they were no longer going to the same school, the person I know just dropped all contact. She admits to not trying even though she claims to be close friends. This same person claims that we will be close or best friends forever. I agree just to be polite, but deep down inside, I know that this isn't true. Another factor that plays into this is if they have no one else to hang out with. In that case, they could just be saying that until they find someone else or another group.

I don't particularly believe in friends forever since they never seem to happen, but when someone says one thing but I see how they are with others, it makes me not believe them. Someone may be super close to another person, but as soon as they're not together, it's all over. Now this doesn't mean that I think less of them or think they are a toxic person, although this can be the case for some people. It can just simply mean that they are not as close to people as they put on or are afraid to get close despite claiming to be someone's close or best friend.

That's why when someone says that to me, I secretly know that one day, the same person will drop all contact with me especially if the person moves away or finds someone else to be around who they may like better. Again, I may still consider them a friend, but nothing more than that. Just a casual friend. If it does last years or a lifetime, then awesome. But I don't hold my breath. When I hear someone say we will be friends forever, I'm secretly thinking, nope, not going to happen especially based on behaviors towards other people. I know it sounds paranoid but it is a form of protection from being hurt. I don't believe anything until proven otherwise by their actions.

I've been called cynical since I remember, but I also cry much less than the people who called me like that. It's all conditional. People are around you when it suits them. One day you may be a little bit too successful, or the opposite, and they're gone. They may meet someone who makes them feel better about themselves - they're gone. They may step into more prestigious social circles than the ones you're in - they're gone.

It's all conditional. I think the best way to proceed is to let go of any expectations and just seek bright moments together for as long as they're around. I don't believe in meaningful friendship or love. I do believe in those little unique times that give sense to that life of ours.

I dunno who said it, but it's so damn accurate... it's not about friendship, but rather love... to all guys out there who believe they found the one and there is no one else like that...

"She's not yours, it's just your turn". That's real life. Cheers!

[MickeyCheeky]

i personally feel leik it is possible to stay Friends for a long time and even during a Lifetime, but of course i think it may not happen often. i think we all secretely Hope to be the case for us but we can never know for sure. i can relate at least in part to what you're saying so thank you for sharing this. Hugs. Please do stay strong. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @rdgrad15, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by MisterPaul

I've been called cynical since I remember, but I also cry much less than the people who called me like that. It's all conditional. People are around you when it suits them. One day you may be a little bit too successful, or the opposite, and they're gone. They may meet someone who makes them feel better about themselves - they're gone. They may step into more prestigious social circles than the ones you're in - they're gone.

It's all conditional. I think the best way to proceed is to let go of any expectations and just seek bright moments together for as long as they're around. I don't believe in meaningful friendship or love. I do believe in those little unique times that give sense to that life of ours.

I dunno who said it, but it's so damn accurate... it's not about friendship, but rather love... to all guys out there who believe they found the one and there is no one else like that...

"She's not yours, it's just your turn". That's real life. Cheers!

I agree! That actually makes way more sense. It is all conditional. And in terms of finding love, yes there is no one true love. It just happens to be someone who remain loyal and you both just make a great fit. When a relationship or friendship ends, it is usually because there is no longer a good fit. Just because a friendship or relationship ends doesn't mean the person is toxic like some people may believe. Only time I may think that is if it ended in such a manner that they showed their true toxic selves. Which in that case, would indicate that they were never actually real friends.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

i personally feel leik it is possible to stay Friends for a long time and even during a Lifetime, but of course i think it may not happen often. i think we all secretely Hope to be the case for us but we can never know for sure. i can relate at least in part to what you're saying so thank you for sharing this. Hugs. Please do stay strong. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @rdgrad15, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I agree. It can happen, and we all hope it will. But in a lot of cases, it doesn't happen.

[Open Eyes]

That's because you are mostly dealing with how a person feels in the moment, that part of their life that you are around them. Often people do use this "forever" statement because it's how they feel in that moment in time, however, as people move around they lose sight of that and tend to form other relationships. Some of that is how we are designed so that we can keep surviving even if we lose someone close. Life changes us, it's just a part what living our life means and it's gradual. So there can be a memory of that "feeling" and yet as we move forward and change we develop other relationships. It's just how we are designed for our survival as human beings.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

That's because you are mostly dealing with how a person feels in the moment, that part of their life that you are around them. Often people do use this "forever" statement because it's how they feel in that moment in time, however, as people move around they lose sight of that and tend to form other relationships. Some of that is how we are designed so that we can keep surviving even if we lose someone close. Life changes us, it's just a part what living our life means and it's gradual. So there can be a memory of that "feeling" and yet as we move forward and change we develop other relationships. It's just how we are designed for our survival as human beings.

Yep exactly. Makes sense.

[AzulOscuro]

Since I’m a person with no friends, I can’t add many to this topic but as I crave for this unconditional friendship and unconditional love, it seems to me very sad what you are all saying in the thread.
I’m not saying you are wrong though.

But it seems as any relation is pretty superficial.
I better stop the bus and get off the world, as Tino through Mafalda used to say.

P.S.: And yes, I agree with the OP. Acts speak louder than words. I’m also very attentive to how people behave themselves towards others and how they act. It says a lot to me.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Through life you will meet people with varying degrees of closeness. That is perfectly normal and is expected to happen. The only observation I've made, and even experienced, is when someone claims to be close to you but their actions tell a slightly different story. It doesn't mean you guys are not friends, you guys may be friends, but not as close as they may claim you are. I've had people in the past and even now claim to be best friends with me, but their actions not just towards me, but towards others, make me think otherwise.

I know someone who has claimed to be best friends with someone else in the past but as soon as they were no longer going to the same school, the person I know just dropped all contact. She admits to not trying even though she claims to be close friends. This same person claims that we will be close or best friends forever. I agree just to be polite, but deep down inside, I know that this isn't true. Another factor that plays into this is if they have no one else to hang out with. In that case, they could just be saying that until they find someone else or another group.

I don't particularly believe in friends forever since they never seem to happen, but when someone says one thing but I see how they are with others, it makes me not believe them. Someone may be super close to another person, but as soon as they're not together, it's all over. Now this doesn't mean that I think less of them or think they are a toxic person, although this can be the case for some people. It can just simply mean that they are not as close to people as they put on or are afraid to get close despite claiming to be someone's close or best friend.

That's why when someone says that to me, I secretly know that one day, the same person will drop all contact with me especially if the person moves away or finds someone else to be around who they may like better. Again, I may still consider them a friend, but nothing more than that. Just a casual friend. If it does last years or a lifetime, then awesome. But I don't hold my breath. When I hear someone say we will be friends forever, I'm secretly thinking, nope, not going to happen especially based on behaviors towards other people. I know it sounds paranoid but it is a form of protection from being hurt. I don't believe anything until proven otherwise by their actions.

You have to be friends forever with yourself

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Since I’m a person with no friends, I can’t add many to this topic but as I crave for this unconditional friendship and unconditional love, it seems to me very sad what you are all saying in the thread.
I’m not saying you are wrong though.

But it seems as any relation is pretty superficial.
I better stop the bus and get off the world, as Tino through Mafalda used to say.

P.S.: And yes, I agree with the OP. Acts speak louder than words. I’m also very attentive to how people behave themselves towards others and how they act. It says a lot to me.

Aw I'm sorry this made you sad. Don't stop trying to make friends though. I just simply don't expect friendships and even those in relationships to last long until proven otherwise. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who is attentive of not just how someone treats me, but how someone treats others. In fact, in a lot of cases, my observations of how someone treats others is what makes me think about how they really are and how they could potentially treat me. Not everything negative that I've mentioned people can do has happened to me. In a lot of cases, I just saw it happen to someone else or even multiple people and I'll be thinking, "Uh oh, that could happen to me too. Better maintain some distance from this person."

Unless there's a very good reason for it, usually if someone treats others a certain way, then they will treat you. The only time I may disregard it is if someone treats just one other person a certain way but is nicer to everyone else. IN that case, that could just indicate bad blood. But when it seems like someone treats anyone else the same way, then that is a sign that's just how they are and they will do the same thing to you. I think the fact that I'm an introvert makes me way more attentive to how other people behave and I tend to see things more or faster than others around me do. I'll notice something in someone's behavior but they won't see it until it's too late.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by leomama

You have to be friends forever with yourself

Yeah that can be tough to do.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Aw I'm sorry this made you sad. Don't stop trying to make friends though. I just simply don't expect friendships and even those in relationships to last long until proven otherwise. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who is attentive of not just how someone treats me, but how someone treats others. In fact, in a lot of cases, my observations of how someone treats others is what makes me think about how they really are and how they could potentially treat me. Not everything negative that I've mentioned people can do has happened to me. In a lot of cases, I just saw it happen to someone else or even multiple people and I'll be thinking, "Uh oh, that could happen to me too. Better maintain some distance from this person."

Unless there's a very good reason for it, usually if someone treats others a certain way, then they will treat you. The only time I may disregard it is if someone treats just one other person a certain way but is nicer to everyone else. IN that case, that could just indicate bad blood. But when it seems like someone treats anyone else the same way, then that is a sign that's just how they are and they will do the same thing to you. I think the fact that I'm an introvert makes me way more attentive to how other people behave and I tend to see things more or faster than others around me do. I'll notice something in someone's behavior but they won't see it until it's too late.

Don’t worry for me. It’s part of life’s lessons. As long as I can be myself and can take my head up. The rest is up to other people.
Much part of me not having friends is because of my issues, you know social phobia and such. I practically avoid any kind of social situation. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t have my dreams. When I see a movie where there are a group of friends I always feel a sane envy. I never had that.

I have a solid base of principles, and I recognised that I’m very critical. Maybe this is another problem, the fact that I’m not confortable with people being friends because of interests. And as you say when I see a person developing in his own environment, with relatives, his group of friends and then, which image this person shows to me, I’m always prone to catch a clue to see if this person is worthy of my friendship.

It doesn’t mind what people says, what minds is how they act.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Don’t worry for me. It’s part of life’s lessons. As long as I can be myself and can take my head up. The rest is up to other people.
Much part of me not having friends is because of my issues, you know social phobia and such. I practically avoid any kind of social situation. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t have my dreams. When I see a movie where there are a group of friends I always feel a sane envy. I never had that.

I have a solid base of principles, and I recognised that I’m very critical. Maybe this is another problem, the fact that I’m not confortable with people being friends because of interests. And as you say when I see a person developing in his own environment, with relatives, his group of friends and then, which image this person shows to me, I’m always prone to catch a clue to see if this person is worthy of my friendship.

It doesn’t mind what people says, what minds is how they act.

I agree that actions speak louder than words too. And I'm the same way, when I see a group of friends in movies or even in real life, I do feel a sense of longing to have that. I've never had a group of good friends. The closest I've come was in college where I had a group of friends but several turned out to not actually be friends. And yes observing other people's behavior and how they treat you is beneficial to protecting yourself.

If you see someone treating multiple people in a certain way, they are definitely going to do it to you even if they promise they never would. That even goes for how someone feels about others. If someone calls another person a close friend but then throws them away like a piece of trash or at least doesn't bother to keep up a friendship, then I'll assume that they will do the same to me so either I keep a casual friendship where I expect nothing from them or just remain acquaintances with them.

[AzulOscuro]

At least, you have something clear when writing this thread and are able to accept it, that friends are not always long-term lasting. Neither what we can call true friends. The same with romantic relationships.

It’s sad but it’s truth. Each person see the relation from their own perspective and many times it doesn’t concur with our perspective.

I’m still battling with it. lol!

[leomama]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Yeah that can be tough to do.

Well it’s the only way people come and go

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by leomama

Well it’s the only way people come and go

Yeah I know.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

At least, you have something clear when writing this thread and are able to accept it, that friends are not always long-term lasting. Neither what we can call true friends. The same with romantic relationships.

It’s sad but it’s truth. Each person see the relation from their own perspective and many times it doesn’t concur with our perspective.

I’m still battling with it. lol!

Yeah it can be hard to accept. I used to really have trouble accepting it and was always longing to have a group of close friends like so many other people seem to have. But now I've come to terms with it and it is common among all friend groups. I actually read a few times that in all friend groups, there are at least a couple friends that don't feel the same way about each other. One may feel closer to the other and in some cases, there may even be a toxic person. And in a lot of cases, those friend groups that appear to be super close usually never last. They all come apart no matter how strong they think their group is. And I agree that their perspective usually never concurs with ours.

[*Beth*]

I have/had 3 friends with whom I've been close for our entire lifetimes. One I met from birth, one I met when we were 5 years old, and one I met in second grade. The friendships are over half a century old. Very sadly, one of my "sister-friends" passed away one month ago. It's been hell for me.

My friends and I have been through thick and thin together. Apparently, my situation is rare- but it does exist for some people.

[AliceKate]

I have a friend who lives in a different city and we grew very close during covid. She is defacto my best friend simply because she knows what I am going through, as she has some experience in that matter.

Lately, she is pushing me away. I think she does this because she needs space, as she says, but also because she thinks our friendship is going to part once covid is over. Third reason, because she is in love with someone she associates with me and she is trying to get away from him (which is difficult when we are close).

What I mean to say is that mistrust is not making things easier for me to stay best friends with her. Of course the distance is an issue and of course if we don't spend 3D time together, this is not helpful, but her constatly telling me that I will leave her isn't really making it super nice for me to stay, as it is constantly a strugle to get her to trust me.

I do get it, I am not big on trust either, but this dynamic might be something to keep in mind.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I have/had 3 friends with whom I've been close for our entire lifetimes. One I met from birth, one I met when we were 5 years old, and one I met in second grade. The friendships are over half a century old. Very sadly, one of my "sister-friends" passed away one month ago. It's been hell for me.

My friends and I have been through thick and thin together. Apparently, my situation is rare- but it does exist for some people.

That's rare but it can happen. I'm glad you've been able to remain friends. Also, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. That is so painful. I've had a couple friends pass away as well in the past. Very painful. I'm so sorry.