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Grand Poohbah
TunedOut
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#21
Quote:
Sort of related but not totally--when I used to do call center sales, one of the things we learned is that we were more likely to "sell" if we offered some choice but did not give too many choices. Too many choices (and perhaps too much advice ) can actually make us less likely to make a decision. Hope this isn't TMI. I am having one of those days where I might be overposting too! |
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#22
Quote:
I do need time, and I need to figure this all out on my own for now. I am definitely not ready to make a decision and I have far bigger issues on my plate right now such as taking care of my mental health and starting a new job in a little over a week. I need to get healthy again so that I can actually work... those are bigger issues at the moment and take precedence over making a decision about my marriage. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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RoxanneToto, TunedOut
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Bill3
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#23
While you are taking some time to decide would be a perfect opportunity for him to begin individual therapy. Couples therapy can be useful but imo it is in individual therapy, not in couples therapy, that an individual can make needed large changes in the way that they function in life.
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#24
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#25
I just spoke with my closest girlfriend about some of the issues in my marriage. I do not have high hopes for change, and I do not have high hopes for therapy being effective. I have a feeling that therapy will only solidify for me leaving the marriage.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3, RoxanneToto
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AliceKate
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#26
I agree with the others, abusers do not change, but I do understand you needing support irl. My only wish for now is that you do not move back in with him (ever).
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Bill3, Have Hope, RoxanneToto
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#27
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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AliceKate
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leomama
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#28
Quote:
Wait you’re separated yet you had sex? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#29
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes Last edited by Have Hope; Apr 05, 2021 at 04:51 AM.. |
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#30
A counselor I emailed about couples counseling services recommended an abusive men's therapy agency that is local to us. I am going to insist that my husband seek's help there, while I look for a couples counselor. I am in charge of finding a therapist because I want to be.... not because he asked me to be. I want to find the right counselor, but in the meantime, this will tell me if he is serious or not about seeking help. If he refuses or resists, it will be very telling.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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AliceKate
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Bill3
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Bill3
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#31
Sounds good to me!
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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ArtleyWilkins
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#32
Quote:
I hope you start feeling better and can see your way through this current confusion. I know you've been going through the wars lately. |
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RoxanneToto
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#33
Quote:
And thanks.... yes, I've been through many battles lately... far too many. Today I feel slightly better. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes Last edited by Have Hope; Apr 06, 2021 at 02:46 PM.. |
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Bill3, RoxanneToto
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Bill3
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#34
Quote:
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#35
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#36
Finally, a couples therapist can see us. The therapist has dealt with emotional and verbal abuse. Perfect.
I have a sliver of hope.... a tiny sliver, but it's there. My husband is willing to do therapy, and that's one positive step. Now, he just needs to be receptive to it when we start.... and receptive to changing his behavior. I am not being unrealistic though.... I know the statistics and data. He needs to really commit to this and I would think we will need to see a counselor for a long time. And then individual therapy for him. We shall see. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes Last edited by Have Hope; Apr 07, 2021 at 07:34 AM.. |
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Bill3, TunedOut
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#37
So he's still "my husband"... you didn't file for divorce in the end?
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#38
No.. didn't file. But I will if I must.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#39
This is going to sound ridiculous to some ppl on here, but in my life for real, starting over at 50 is not appealing in the least. True, lasting friendships are very hard to establish, especially as we get older, and the dating scene is NOT appealing in the least. I've dated for 3+ decades and I am just plain DONE. IF he and I do not work out, I will choose to be single for the remainder of my life. Starting over at my age, with very few CLOSE friends and a shared social music scene? FORGET IT - NOT appealing. I'd FAR rather try to work things out in therapy, and he seems very motivated to make changes. I could be deluding myself, but given what I've experienced through COVID, I don't want to be alone - period. I just do not. I want a life partner.
And please don't try to argue this point with me..... I cannot stand it when people do that and when people try to say being single can be fun, etc, at MY age. NO.... I don't want it. I've been single and it's far more fun when you're younger. Most men my age will want a younger woman... not someone equal in age. I don't want to face a dating scene ever again - not ever. And the bottom line is, I'd far rather have a partner than be alone. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes Last edited by Have Hope; Apr 07, 2021 at 11:13 AM.. |
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Bill3
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Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto
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#40
I’m 38 and I don’t want to join the dating scene either, cos it sounds utterly awful now, so no criticism from me on that point.
While I admittedly have reservations about your husband, you are trying again with open eyes and are prepared to put yourself first if things don’t turn out as they should. Not everyone who decides to reconcile is able or willing to do that, so kudos to you, and good luck. |
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Bill3, Have Hope
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