[DoroMona]

My SO has always had acne, but since this winter, it got much worse. I really want him to see a dermatologist and have brought it up very carefully several times, but he sort of just shrugs it off. I got the number for him today and he again stalled. I think maybe because he's always had bad skin, he sort of forced himself to get used to it and refuses to make any particular effort. That was fine until recently, but now in the past year, I'm seeing a lot of damage to his skin and think he needs to see a professional. I think he would be happier if he could improve his complexion somewhat, and I'm also a little concerned about him doing job interviews next year and being judged over his skin. He's never been to a dermatologist, so this isn't me being insensitive with someone who's already tried everything. I was honestly alarmed this winter at how bad his skin got, but because of the pandemic, I didn't say anything and just tried to keep the apartment more humid and buy more fruit and fish oil. But now we're vaccinated and I'm getting really frustrated, angry and resentful that he won't make the appointment or be clear why he doesn't want to go. Honestly--I think maybe he's simply lazy and just doesn't feel like it. But this is not just a minor cosmetic issue anymore. I don't want to come out and say anything negative about his appearance and make him feel bad, but this a real issue that needs to be addressed. He's good looking and takes care of his body and he's even doing braces to straighten his teeth right now--I don't understand why he won't just make the appointment.

I had bad acne when I was younger (and also not so young) so I get the pain.

[Molinit]

Anger and resentment? Why? Maybe it doesn't bother him as much as it bothers you. All you can do is give him the info. If he wants to, he will make an appointment. If you find him intolerable to look at (which I'm assuming you don't or you wouldn't have married him), then you will need to have a tactful and honest talk with him.

[divine1966]

Is this the same SO you wrote about before? Is he still not having a job? If he has PhD and MBA and all that, clearly acne isn’t such a problem. Ideally people would always take care of their teeth and skin and hair but some people just don’t or are too embarrassed to see a dermatologist etc Is this a deal breaker?

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately i am not sure if there's much you can do since it is ultimately his decision to go. i'd suggest to simply talk to him about all of this and see how it goes from there. Have you tried to talk to your doctor about this by yourself? Perhaps he/she has some suggestions although i am not sure if there may be some problems with confidentiality and such. Sorry if my post wasn't Helpful. Please do not give up. i Hope your Husband will change his mind. Do try to let him know that you think this is an important thing and try to be Honest with him about it. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @DoroMona, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Arpheus]

I presume he's an adult and so that's his choice.

As is your choice to be displeased by it, so I'd say just sit with him an express your concerns in the most calm and respectful manner that you can and encourage him to at least explain his reasons. If I had to bet I'd say it may have something to do with him not wanting to face head on something that may have been traumatic in the past and that he has become comfortable ignoring but of course that's just speculation.

If after that he stills refuses then you need to learn to deal with it, or of course you can always end things for any reason as with any relationship, but he doesn't seem to be endangering himself or anyone or engaging in some outrageous behavior so I believe this solidly falls within his own prerogative.

[DoroMona]

Yesterday I told him I would stop nagging him. He told me not to stop, that he plans to go but is just lazy. Sigh... I'll bring it up again maybe when he finishes his current semester, toward the end of May.

To explain exactly why I get angry, I'd have to explain too many details about our professional situation. But anyway, at least I talked to him and managed to figure out that he does want to go but the timing needs to be right, and I also figured out why I'm so irritated about it, even though I can't write about it so openly here. Thanks everyone for your feedback.