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rdgrad15
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 06:59 AM
  #1
I've always wondered, do you think it's possible that if someone who yo consider a friend talks about how they are lonely or wish they had friends, it could signal that they don't see you as a close friend or not even a friend at all? I know this could also indicate something more serious, like depression or something similar. But there has been times where I felt like they may not actually be truly depressed, but simply stating the fact that they wish they had friend or that they felt lonely, despite being right there with them doing stuff. That is perfectly fine if that is the case, but sometimes I wonder when anyone does that, that could signal the fact that they don't feel close to you and just hang out with you out of boredom.

I've known people in the past who have done that. Not just to me, but to others as well. This could also, at times, be followed by them seemingly ditching you or at least not really talking to you if they find someone, whether it is real life or online, to talk to. I've seen people even get so involved into talking to someone online that it is almost as if they don't want whoever is right there with them, to be there. In fact, I've heard them mention to someone else that they were doing nothing at a particular moment when in fact, they were hanging out with someone. In times like these, it makes me think they are subconsciously telling you they don't want to be friends and that they just hang out with out of boredom. Have you experienced anything like that? Again, I know it can signal depression at times, but not always. It appears it could also just signal the fact that, despite them hanging out with you, they don't really see you as a friend.
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MickeyCheeky
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 08:14 AM
  #2
i have never experienced this firsthand so i am not really sure. If you suspect that something may be wrong in your own Friendship i think it may be wise to ask them what's wrong and if there's anything you can do to work on it. Sorry if you're going through this and Sorry if my post wasn't really that Helpful. Hugs. Please do not give up. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @rdgrad15, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Last edited by MickeyCheeky; Apr 08, 2021 at 08:28 AM..
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Default Apr 08, 2021 at 09:04 AM
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
i have never experienced this firsthand so i am not really sure. If you suspect that something may be wrong in your own Friendship i think it may be wise to ask them what's wrong and if there's anything you can do to work on it. Sorry if you're going through this and Sorry if my post wasn't really that Helpful. Hugs. Please do not give up. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @rdgrad15, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
Thank you. I’m not currently experiencing it. It is more of a general observation and what I’ve seen in the past.
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Default Apr 13, 2021 at 10:04 AM
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I know a friend who had this said to them and they laughed it off but felt it was very telling. In their case I think the relationship wasn't an equal friendship but they were more like an unpaid support worker to this person who had severe mental health issues. Idk. Maybe this person sensed my friend was spending time with them to be kind.

I think if it were me who had it said to them I would be questioning myself and possibly them too why they said it.

I have in the past voiced to a friend that I'd like to develop more friendships but that's a different way of saying it - not like I'm saying I have no friends.
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Default Apr 13, 2021 at 10:56 AM
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I know a friend who had this said to them and they laughed it off but felt it was very telling. In their case I think the relationship wasn't an equal friendship but they were more like an unpaid support worker to this person who had severe mental health issues. Idk. Maybe this person sensed my friend was spending time with them to be kind.

I think if it were me who had it said to them I would be questioning myself and possibly them too why they said it.

I have in the past voiced to a friend that I'd like to develop more friendships but that's a different way of saying it - not like I'm saying I have no friends.
I agree. I’ve had it happen in the past to me and have seen it happen to others as well. I agree, this usually stems from an unequal friendship. That is very common, way more than many realize or would like to admit. That’s why I don’t get too attached to people. It’s also why I don’t go around telling others who I am closest to because that can come off the wrong way. Basically saying, “I like you, but I like this other person way better.” Even though it may be true, I don’t think it is necessary to make people feel bad in that manner.
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 07:40 PM
  #6
A definite red flag.

I'd see this as an issue surrounding personality disorders, unhealthy attachment styles, and even complex trauma.. the inability to form secure relationships with others.

People like this tend to feel empty most of the time.. needing external sources to fill their buckets constantly.. and being unable to hold themselves accountable. What they have is often not enough and so they're forever feeling lonely and reaching out.

The problem lies within themselves.
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 11:04 PM
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A definite red flag.

I'd see this as an issue surrounding personality disorders, unhealthy attachment styles, and even complex trauma.. the inability to form secure relationships with others.

People like this tend to feel empty most of the time.. needing external sources to fill their buckets constantly.. and being unable to hold themselves accountable. What they have is often not enough and so they're forever feeling lonely and reaching out.

The problem lies within themselves.
Yep I agree. Makes sense. I can understand constantly feeling lonely, I feel that way a lot. But I still make sure I don't give off a vibe that I don't like being around someone and would much rather be with someone else. Especially since that is never the case. If I'm with a friend, it's because I truly like them. Not just out of loneliness or boredom.
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 11:35 PM
  #8
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If I'm with a friend, it's because I truly like them. Not just out of loneliness or boredom.
I suspect they're unaware they're doing it.. ot they are aware and can't help it.
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rdgrad15
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Default Apr 19, 2021 at 09:45 AM
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I suspect they're unaware they're doing it.. ot they are aware and can't help it.
Yeah true, I can see that.
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