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Old 05-03-2021, 05:32 AM   #141
Have Hope
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Default Re: The ending of my relationship

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Have Hope, some tough love from MisterPaul, brace yourself...

I think within a month you'll be back with him and then you gonna break up again and again and again...

You seem obssesed with this douche. I looked through almost entire thread and I don't think I've ever seen something like this before...

You pay attention to everything he does. You said you can't have a random chat without mentoning him. You are willing to put all your attention and emotions into one st*pid text he sent you. He's got your mind and he's gonna suck you untill you die. He love bombs you because he knows it will get your attention and, oh boy, he's not wrong...

I'm not gonna tell what to do, it's your life. Though I am sure for as long as you're so focused on him, he's got you.
@MisterPaul. you're wrong on a couple fronts. I am not obsessed first of all. You witness my posts online and that is one tiny portion of my whole life and day. I post on here, then I go about my day with other activities and I focus on other things. Secondly, just because I got back together with him ONCE doesn't mean I will get back together with him again and again. Understand this. I am moving forward in my life, and I am moving on. I am focusing on my healing process, I am spending time with my friends and family, I am decorating my apartment, I am going out, and I am doing other things in my life. So, you're off based on this one, sorry.
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Old 05-03-2021, 05:41 AM   #142
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Default Re: The ending of my relationship

I have a suggestion that may send a clear signal that you are done and don't want to play his games anymore.
Technically, when he contacts you after you have asked him to not contact you, it's harassment. Your local police can take a report and advise you about a protection from harassment order. He isn't going to be arrested or anything dramatic, but a police officer will likely give him a call and explain to him that repeatedly texting you after you told him not to is a crime.
I know it seems harsh, but getting him to stop contacting you is step one. Its very empowering to be in control of something as well. If you decide to take this step, stick to the facts, leave emotions out of it when reporting it.
This is just a suggestion. I've said before, I can only offer suggestions based on my life experience. This step will deter most people from contacting you again.

I hope you find peace soon so you can work on healing and living your best life.
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Old 05-03-2021, 05:45 AM   #143
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I have a suggestion that may send a clear signal that you are done and don't want to play his games anymore.
Technically, when he contacts you after you have asked him to not contact you, it's harassment. Your local police can take a report and advise you about a protection from harassment order. He isn't going to be arrested or anything dramatic, but a police officer will likely give him a call and explain to him that repeatedly texting you after you told him not to is a crime.
I know it seems harsh, but getting him to stop contacting you is step one. Its very empowering to be in control of something as well. If you decide to take this step, stick to the facts, leave emotions out of it when reporting it.
This is just a suggestion. I've said before, I can only offer suggestions based on my life experience. This step will deter most people from contacting you again.

I hope you find peace soon so you can work on healing and living your best life.
Thank you for your suggestion @RollercoasterLover.

I feel this is a bit extreme for what I am dealing with though. He sent that text, I replied with a very brief reply that clearly communicated "leave me alone", and he did leave me alone for the remainder of the day.

I am just astounded by his lack of pride when sending these types of pleading texts.
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Old 05-03-2021, 05:51 AM   #144
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Its very good that he left you alone. I hope he takes you seriously and continues. I'm glad you don't need to use this suggestion!
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Old 05-03-2021, 06:58 AM   #145
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WOW - really? Seriously?

This is what I just received from him, unprompted by me, and in no way encouraged by me - he won't stop.

I hope you have a good day. I wonder if I could stop by to talk to you at some point this week. I miss you terribly. I believe in my heart of hearts we are for each other.

I would be willing to convert to Christianity and get baptized to be with you and live a happy life together. I made mistakes. I will get my own therapy. I do love you and miss you and only want to make you happy.


Now he's willing to convert? I don't need a restraining order or police involved, but this is ridiculous.
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Old 05-03-2021, 07:02 AM   #146
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Default Re: The ending of my relationship

I still think you spend too much time and energy on him... but, why so serious? Let's do something else.

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I would be willing to convert to Christianity and get baptized to be with you and live a happy life together. I made mistakes. I will get my own therapy. I do love you and miss you and only want to make you happy.
Tell him you want to convert to Islam, please. Do it for me
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Old 05-03-2021, 08:46 AM   #147
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You keep responding instead of blocking. You are encouraging him to continue because he knows he gets through to you whether good or bad which continues to give him hope that you will cave like you have before. If you truly want this to stop, you are capable of stopping it. Sometimes we get caught up in the drama of the situation itself which makes it harder for us to PERMANENTLY draw the line. Find your own strength to put a stop to it instead of just replying you want it to stop. It takes action, not just words on your part because you know what he wants & he will not stop until you put a stop to this insanity by blocking all communication to him
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Old 05-03-2021, 09:09 AM   #148
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I still think you spend too much time and energy on him... but, why so serious? Let's do something else.


Tell him you want to convert to Islam, please. Do it for me
Now that made me laugh. LOL.
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Old 05-03-2021, 09:10 AM   #149
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You keep responding instead of blocking. You are encouraging him to continue because he knows he gets through to you whether good or bad which continues to give him hope that you will cave like you have before. If you truly want this to stop, you are capable of stopping it. Sometimes we get caught up in the drama of the situation itself which makes it harder for us to PERMANENTLY draw the line. Find your own strength to put a stop to it instead of just replying you want it to stop. It takes action, not just words on your part because you know what he wants & he will not stop until you put a stop to this insanity by blocking all communication to him
I did not reply to his last text and I donít plan on it.
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Old 05-03-2021, 09:44 AM   #150
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Just out of curiosity, what is your action plan to stop him from contacting you or coming over even though you have made it clear you want him to leave you alone? If he were to knock on the door this evening and begged you to talk to him, what would you do?

I feel for you. I can relate to someone totally ignoring every word you say. I hope he hears what you are saying soon.
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Old 05-03-2021, 10:57 AM   #151
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I did not reply to his last text and I donít plan on it.
Good for this one....what about the next or the next? I personally would box up all his things left in your apartment & put them at a location of your choosing & send one final text telling him where he can get them, then immediately block him from any farther communication. That is what would truly make the statement you keep saying but not enforcing. Know that final blow is tough but if you don't do something truly forceful he will continue this even after the divorce.

Dang, I had just an acquaintance from high school & college that reconnected a few years ago on messenger/FB. He was actually annoying & I really didn't want to block, I just said I didn't want to communicate any more. He couldn't take that & kept trying. I ended up blocking him. Another acquaintance from high school sent me a happy birthday wish from the guy & encouraged me to reconnect with that guy. I said to tell him thank you but I would not open back up communication. Said NO with absolutely no remorseful feelings. Sometimes we have to get tough to make our own feelings known when they refuse to listen & end the insanity. Not easy but it actually has been getting easier the more practice at doing it I get. For me it came down to not being willing to tolerate certain behaviors & not being beholden to them for nice things they might have done in the past because NOW is all that really matters in reality.

Keep working on building your strength. It doesn't just happen overnight....takes time to develop along with the mind set that goes with it.

My "tolerance" mind set has become: "I will tolerate you having your thoughts & behaviors but I will not tolerate them infringing on MY life.....so GO, be however you want to be.....but not around me".
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Old 05-03-2021, 11:47 AM   #152
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I can try. I also don't want him to retaliate. I am trying to be socially political out of self protection. If I end things more nicely with him, he may not bad mouth me to our circle of friends. That's the last thing I want to deal with.
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Old 05-03-2021, 11:57 AM   #153
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I can try. I also don't want him to retaliate. I am trying to be socially political out of self protection. If I end things more nicely with him, he may not bad mouth me to our circle of friends. That's the last thing I want to deal with.
He can badmouth you regardless. You canít win with people like this. You have no control of what he does or says to people. It doesnít matter if you are nice to him. Heíll do what heíll do. Blocking or at least never ever responding to him is the one and only option. I had an ex making up a story of how he is dying on cancer in hopes Iíll come back, I wonít repeat the story as I already posted about it. But the only way to stop him was to block him. These people donít stop at anything especially if they post or message this junk intoxicated, which your husband might be doing

File for divorce. Cut all communication. Youíve been separated since November. You could stop communication now. It will stop if you fully disengage.
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Old 05-03-2021, 12:49 PM   #154
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I can try. I also don't want him to retaliate. I am trying to be socially political out of self protection. If I end things more nicely with him, he may not bad mouth me to our circle of friends. That's the last thing I want to deal with.
There just is no nice way of ending things with people like that. If your "circle of friends" are truly worth their salt as friends, they will want to hear both sides & make up their own minds or just stay neutral. If not, they are NOT real friends in the first place. Sometimes it is good to find out peoples TRUE COLORS instead of hiding under the masks of not knowing. That just causes stress in life.
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Old 05-03-2021, 02:55 PM   #155
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I can try. I also don't want him to retaliate. I am trying to be socially political out of self protection. If I end things more nicely with him, he may not bad mouth me to our circle of friends. That's the last thing I want to deal with.
Thereís always the chance they wonít take his bad mouthing seriously, especially if they know how things have gone between you. I understand wanting to control this narrative and deflect his negative energy away from your friendships, because it feels like heís trying to steal even more from you. Bottom line is, trying to control what he does/says is a waste of your precious energy. You canít gag him (sadly) but your true friends will see his bad mouthing for what it is - a big bunch of sour grapes!
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Old 05-03-2021, 04:33 PM   #156
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Thereís always the chance they wonít take his bad mouthing seriously, especially if they know how things have gone between you. I understand wanting to control this narrative and deflect his negative energy away from your friendships, because it feels like heís trying to steal even more from you. Bottom line is, trying to control what he does/says is a waste of your precious energy. You canít gag him (sadly) but your true friends will see his bad mouthing for what it is - a big bunch of sour grapes!
You said it very accurately - he only gets to steal even more of my spirit away if he gets to our friends circle. It will kill me just that much more, and I am already half dead because of him.

I wish I could gag him, LOL.

But, as you said, friends will see he is only just spreading negativity, if it goes that way.
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Old 05-04-2021, 02:26 AM   #157
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Now that made me laugh. LOL.
Sorry to butt in but i was reading through posts and saw Paul's comment which made me laugh. Thank you for the laugh Paul, I haven't laughed in ages haha. Dawn I hope all things work out for you. I seperated from abusive husband a year ago. Stay strong. You can do this. Keep taking slow deep breathes when stressed/anxious etc. Take care.

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Old 05-04-2021, 05:26 AM   #158
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There just is no nice way of ending things with people like that. If your "circle of friends" are truly worth their salt as friends, they will want to hear both sides & make up their own minds or just stay neutral. If not, they are NOT real friends in the first place. Sometimes it is good to find out peoples TRUE COLORS instead of hiding under the masks of not knowing. That just causes stress in life.
This group of people I am speaking of are my music-going friends. Only a few of them are my closer friends, and they know the truth about him. Others don't know much. I suppose I just cannot worry about this anymore. What will be will be - and those who know me best won't judge me. IF he does speak negatively, they will probably all think he's just being sour. I think that's how this group operates - they're a very loving and positive energy group, so it will just create negativity which they don't like.
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Old 05-04-2021, 05:28 AM   #159
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File for divorce. Cut all communication. Youíve been separated since November. You could stop communication now. It will stop if you fully disengage.
I am going to call Dial a Lawyer tomorrow to see what my options are for filing on my own.

I did disengage yesterday, and I heard nothing back from him. Maybe I shut him up - at least for now.
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Old 05-04-2021, 08:40 AM   #160
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I suppose I just cannot worry about this anymore. What will be will be - and those who know me best won't judge me.
Wise thinking. When we put too much value into what others MAY think we usually make not so good choices for what is best for ourself.
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