[WovenGalaxy]

So far. Lol.

I talked to a guy I've been chatting with online on the phone tonight. I found out he just broke up w his girlfriend of a year 6 weeks ago. He said he's "over her" but I was uncomfortable. It sounds like a rebound sort of thing and he brought her up a couple times. He seems very bitter about her. He said she emotionally abused him.

I told him later on, that it seemed like he was still processing his breakup, and that I'd prefer not to talk about his exes when we hang out. I also mentioned I'd like to be friends first. In response to me telling him my discomfort with talking about his ex, He said, what seemed to me passive aggressively, "I was just trying to get you to open up, but..." It was so weird.

He texted me saying he was glad I called so I'm confused. I asked him if there was something he wanted me to "open up" about and he said "no, nothing specific." It was just weird.

I think the main thing, is that I want to trust myself. Sometimes in the moment, I struggle to trust myself. I also tend to go to " well maybe I perceived it wrong." Because sometimes I do! I misinterpret things sometimes. But sometimes I don't.

I thought I'd been open in conversation. I felt pretty comfortable up until he repeatedly started complaining about his ex, then the possible passive aggressive comment. I did tell him I'm disabled (mental health) but looking for work, bc he asked in that direction, but I told him it was private reason re my disability, and said he was ok with that for our first conversation.

I want to tell this guy I can't hang out and wish him luck. But...I'm kind of nervous to atm. Though I will, when I feel ready. Edit: maybe we can hang out as friends to get to know each other. I dunno.

I'm just wondering what others here may think? Maybe he felt criticized when I said I didn't want to talk about exes or be the one to help process it with,him. I tried to be really nice about it though.

[twinkler]

sorry you had a bad experience. I found a lot of dating sites awful. The ones where people have to spend more time on their profiles often weed out the tyre kickers, ones like eharmony but they charge.

I met someone nice via hinge which is free:


It helped when I could share more about what I'm after versus the tinder type sites that are all about photos.

good luck with the next one :-)

[WovenGalaxy]

Maybe I don't have enough information right now. Maybe that's ok.

I'm talking to other guys on the app and its nice.

I also like that I don't feel that dating must be my life anymore. I don't feel pressure to be in a relationship or date, and I have more of a life now. I'm more secure, in that aspect.

[leomama]

I think you should trust your instinct and pass this one up. 6 weeks isn’t much time to recover from a 1 year relationship .

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[seesaw]

Trust your gut. Yes, talking about his ex is awkward and would make me feel uncomfortable, and unlikely to share much, since I'm not sure where this is going at all. Then he got passive aggressive about his inappropriate behavior? Red flags all over IMO.

I think your gut is spot on.

[RoxanneToto]

I agree, this one isn’t a good option for dating. He’s not clear about what he wants from you at best, and if he really was over his girlfriend of a year within 6 weeks, I’d wonder about how well he connects with or values other people. I’m pretty sure he’s not - the opposite of love isn’t hate or bitter anger, it’s indifference.
It’s also totally fine to not want to talk about exes - it’s not your problem if he didn’t like it. And I agree it’s not your job to help him feel better. It takes time and a willingness to not get stuck wallowing in self pity.

[BigBubba]

I don't think you should bother with him. I mean you can meet 100+ more guys online and just toss out any of them whenever you want. It's good enough for finding someone you really like.

[divine1966]

Broke up 6 weeks ago and complains about her in the phone conversation to a total stranger. Ok now. No. Not dating material. I don’t think it’s online dating issue. I’ve met people like this in different venues. Clearly not ready for dating. Not over his ex.

He talks about ex to help you open up? It’s a sure way to get peipke to close up!

[WovenGalaxy]

Originally Posted by divine1966

He talks about ex to help you open up? It’s a sure way to get peipke to close up!

Exactly what I thought, lol.

[WovenGalaxy]

Is there any way for me to change this thread's title? I tried last night but it didn't work.

Thanks for the validation, from a lot of you! I wish I didn't need it. I wrote a pros and cons list this morning and came out with the same thing. Dating should be fun.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

Is there any way for me to change this thread's title? I tried last night but it didn't work.

Thanks for the validation, from a lot of you! I wish I didn't need it. I wrote a pros and cons list this morning and came out with the same thing. Dating should be fun.

I guess as soon as you write to a mod or an admi, they are gonna change the title.

[MickeyCheeky]

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about considering passing it up at least if you don't feel comfortable. i think dating should start on the right foot at least. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @WovenGalaxy, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Bill3]

"I was trying to get you to open up" isn't the right approach and sounds perhaps even a bit manipulative to me.

[WovenGalaxy]

Originally Posted by Bill3

"I was trying to get you to open up" isn't the right approach and sounds perhaps even a bit manipulative to me.

Can you elaborate? What makes you think it sounds manipulative (like what would he be manipulating me to do by saying that?)

[leomama]

You changed the title?

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[leomama]

Originally Posted by Bill3

"I was trying to get you to open up" isn't the right approach and sounds perhaps even a bit manipulative to me.

I agree !

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[WovenGalaxy]

Originally Posted by leomama

You changed the title?

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I did. I like it better than "dating sucks." Even though it does lol.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

I did. I like it better than "dating sucks." Even though it does lol.

You mean online dating ?

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[Bill3]

Can you elaborate?

He gave the impression of wanting to speak about his ex, but what he really wanted was to get you to open up.

[WovenGalaxy]

Originally Posted by Bill3

He gave the impression of wanting to speak about his ex, but what he really wanted was to get you to open up.

Ah gotcha. Yeah I dunno maybe. He wasn't for me.