The ending of my relationship

Have Hope · May 06, 2021 at 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Nothing wrong with asking how the father is doing but the reasoning behind it is confusing. How do you appear callous to your friends? How would they even know what you ask your husband? They are not omnipotent mind readers. My or my husbands friends wouldn’t know if I ask him this or that. Even my very best friend doesn’t know what I tell or ask my husband. Even if you ask how his father is doing he could still tell your friends that you didn’t ask.

I think if you want to maintain good friendships you should ask how their parents are doing and be good friends for them, I don’t see how asking your husband questions ensures that they keep you as a friend. It’s not their business what you talk to him about.

Because he could retaliate if I piss him off and tell everyone that he supported me for two months through several crises, then I broke up with him and never asked him about his dying father. It matters to me.

divine1966 · May 06, 2021 at 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Because he could retaliate if I piss him off and tell everyone that he supported me for two months through several crises, then I broke up with him and never asked him about his dying father. It matters to me.

I get it, but he could say all kind of nasty things regardless if you ask about his father. He could lie for all you know. He could say you didn’t ask even if you did or you didn’t ask enough or you ask because you have a secret agenda secretly wanting him back or he could say you manipulate him by asking and giving him false hopes and you send him mixed messages. I am pretty sure he’ll use your phone calls as a sign to keep trying to keep this marriage going.

The point is that you can’t let him control your life. Even if you two get divorced, he could still be bad mouthing you to people (sadly many people do and some keep going years after divorce). Heck he said some nasty things about his ex and continued bad mouthing her and likely spoke poorly of her to friends too, not just to you. He could do the same to you or maybe he won’t. You really don’t know,

So does it mean you are on the hook for life being scared what he’ll do or say?

Have Hope · May 06, 2021 at 04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I get it, but he could say all kind of nasty things regardless if you ask about his father. He could lie for all you know. He could say you didn’t ask even if you did or you didn’t ask enough or you ask because you have a secret agenda secretly wanting him back or he could say you manipulate him by asking and giving him false hopes and you send him mixed messages. I am pretty sure he’ll use your phone calls as a sign to keep trying to keep this marriage going.

The point is that you can’t let him control your life. Even if you two get divorced, he could still be bad mouthing you to people (sadly many people do and some keep going years after divorce). Heck he said some nasty things about his ex and continued bad mouthing her and likely spoke poorly of her to friends too, not just to you. He could do the same to you or maybe he won’t. You really don’t know,

So does it mean you are on the hook for life being scared what he’ll do or say?

No - not on the hook for life. And I do see your point. To date, no one has come back to me saying he is talking nasty about me.. YET. He'll probably say nasty things as soon as I can actually file for divorce. I know it's something I have zero control over, and right now, I am attempting to think I have some control when in fact, I have no control.

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