Marriage woes

My husband opened a package addressed to me. I am very mad about this.It
was clearly in my name and he opened it. It was done deliberately.He seems very jealous and insecure. I feel so disrespected. I don't want to discuss this and make it into a fight. Should I let it go or what should I do?

Was it something he wasn’t supposed to see? Like a gift or surprise for him?

My husband doesn’t touch my packages but I open his because he wants me to. He tends not to open mail or packages and it would sit there forever so unless he asks not to open (gift for me) I open it.

Did you tell him you don’t want him to open things? Why do you think he is jealous?

Honestly the biggest issue here is that you don’t want to discuss it. Is every discussion turn into a fight? Why does it have to be a fight? I think you might have more issues than him opening packages. There is nothing I am afraid to discuss. That would be a red flag for me if I worried about bringing things up.

I might say.....I noticed you opened a package addressed to me....Iagree with the poster (divine1966) regarding...it should be a red flag if you are worried about bringing things up.

You are clearly upset and it’s best to calm down first and then calmly let your husband know that you prefer him not opening things addressed to you.

I'd say something like, "We need to set boundaries. We are to only open our own mail."

I wouldn't say much more.

I do agree with what have been said by everyone.
I’m worried about why you not wanting to express your concern or whatever bothered you to your husband. Is it normally like that?
At the very least, one should be able to talk to the spouse about everything. If he feels jealousy, he has already something to work on.

You to husband: "Let's make an agreement that we only open mail addressed personally to us. It may not be a big deal to you if I open your mail, but I really like to do this for myself."

Start there. You frame it this way it is not so much about him doing something wrong as it is about your own preferences. That may be all it takes.

I remember a similar conversation about laundry many, many years ago. I never put away my husband's laundry. I'd fold it, hang it, etc. but not place it in drawers and closet because I figured how he organized his things was his business. (He thought I should put it away). He, on the other hand, always put mine away (and inevitably in the wrong place). I didn't want him to put my laundry away. We were both used to our own personal habits and actually both not realizing we were getting on each other's nerves. All it took was a quick discussion and a plan on laundry, and the problem was solved.

Sometimes the reasons people do things are just out of habit more than some deep reason. Communication about these little things keeps them from getting bigger.

I don't think anyone should anyone else's letters or packages etc. Unless they expressly stated that it was okay to do so. Being a couple is no excuse to break this 'rule'.

Why would you avoid discussing it? He crossed a boundary, your boundary, and that is *not* okay. Again, being your husband is no excuse for him to 'disrespect' you or cross your boundary. Otherwise, he will keep doing it and you would end up building resentment and this could ultimately blow up. Address the issue now, as it arises. Don't let it fester.

I would tell him explicitly not to open packages etc. that aren't in HIS name. That is not okay.

That's not OK. I must ask you: does every discussion turn into a fight? Why do you feel you cannot approach him with this? You should be able to calmly ask him about it without a fight starting, right? "Why did you open my package?"