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Human
seesaw
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#21
Quote:
Yeah, it's on my list to get done. Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Grand Magnate
leomama
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Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: USA
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#22
I’m 45.
I had to block my dad again tonight because he used language with me I’ve asked him many times not to. He sent me a blog post that triggered me that he says was aimed at his neighbors. I didn’t tell him I blocked him, just that he continued to use language and talk about issues I asked him not to repeatedly. I’ll check in with him on Father’s Day. |
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RoxanneToto
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seesaw
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Human
seesaw
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#23
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I suspect you thought I was older because with all the abuse I've been through, well, hard knocks age you, right? We've both been through them. I never told my bio dad that I changed my phone number. I just didn't give it to him. He has my physical address and email address. But I don't want him having the ability to get me by phone. Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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leomama
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Legendary
Bill3
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Location: USA
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#24
The project you mentioned above--save up money, pay him back, permanently block--sounds good to me!
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leomama, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, seesaw
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Human
seesaw
grieving
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341
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#25
That's the plan. After I finish school in June, I may take on a few extra gigs and work some extra hours to do it faster. Otherwise it will probably take me a year. But 2-3 extra gigs would get it done in 2-3 months.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Bill3
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Bill3, leomama, Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#26
The main reason to completely disconnect is that it frees you from being a part of the others persons dysfunctional way of interacting. This is especially true when the other person just continues navigating in a dysfunctional way and expects others to just go along with it.
This is often what addicts practice which is so unhealthy. Even for those who get sober, they have to really work on changing their dysfunctional habits while self medicating. And part of that is developing a habit of blaming others when things don’t work out. It requires actually growing up instead of just self medicating when challenges arise. And being willing to see ones own part of the dysfunction. Your father is not interested in recognizing his dysfunctional behaviors. When it comes to that kind of person even if it’s a parent or family member a complete disconnect is necessary. |
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Bill3, leomama, RoxanneToto
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Human
seesaw
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Member Since: Apr 2014
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Posts: 8,341
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#27
Quote:
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
unaluna
Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention
me?Thanks!
Member Since: Jun 2011
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#28
IIRC, the nicotine level in your urine drops. I remember a gf telling me that (about her and her h).
How old is he? Hardly none of the guys i dated in high school who smoked are still alive. I'm 69. |
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Human
seesaw
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#29
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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unaluna
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unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#30
One of the things I have had to learn in dealing with my sister is that she will never admitt to her lies and dysfunctional behaviors. It’s simply a waste of effort on my part to think there is a way to get that kind of outcome from her.
My sister is simply not capable and it’s not only me that sees this about her. Often the true win with a person like this is distance completely. That means completely disengaging. |
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seesaw
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seesaw
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Legendary
lizardlady
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#31
Seesaw, would it help to not open his email? Just delete it without opening it?
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
unaluna
Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention
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#32
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Human
seesaw
grieving
Member Since: Apr 2014
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Posts: 8,341
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#33
Yes, except as I said earlier in the thread, I owe him a small amount of money so I have to keep some form of him being able to reach me open. I will set a filter to delete anything he sends after I have paid back that small loan.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Human
seesaw
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#34
What a ****ing arsehole. So this is what he does to hoover me back in. Because I don't respond to his birthday email, he emails my brother (who I also don't have a relationship with) and LIES saying I don't respond to him, when the fact is any time there has been a message that requires a response I have responded, but his lame birthday message did not require a response.
He sends this message this morning. I've redacted the first paragraph, which was to my brother about their political disagreements and how he wishes they could have a relationship again (Dude, get a clue. None of your kids want anything to do with you. You aren't ****ing trying at all either.) Quote:
Then my uncle died in early 2018. My bio dad reached out to me for help with the funeral because I lived in the city my uncle was being buried in. I agreed to help with the funeral arrangements. In the course of that communication, we texted a few jokes. It seemed like there might be a mild reconciliation so we could at least be congenial. Nope. After the funeral I texted him to thank him for lunch, and he responded "thank Cousin Lisa, she paid" and that was it. Nothing else. And the tone of the text (that's not the full text) was basically, "no, we're done again. I got what I needed from you and now I don't need you anymore." I determined after that point that I was no longer interested in dealing with him and the abuse. I responded with this to both my brother and bio father this morning. He totally emailed my brother and copied me to bait me. And it worked, slightly. But I won't be responding anymore. Quote:
Screw it. I'd rather owe the government money than him. I have some leftover money in my SSDI account that I'm waiting to repay (waiting for SSA to ask for it to be repaid). I'm going to take out some of it and send it to him and call it done. I'd rather owe the government than him. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... Last edited by seesaw; May 01, 2021 at 11:38 AM.. |
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lizardlady, Open Eyes, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#35
Individuals that are toxic/dysfunctional in some way only view things having value or are important only if they value or see things as important. When it comes to engaging they only do so when THEY need it and they don’t consider the needs of others. They lack respect and tend to send messages of how your needs are a burden. They tend to decide it’s a big deal when they do decide to give and that giving means expecting.
Your father decided that he could get your attention by suggesting you may get money from your uncles estate. What he is actually revealing however is that is something that would get HIS attention. You try to consider other people’s needs and challenges and values but your father doesn’t know how to engage like that. He functions based on his own needs and uses techniques to make people think he cares but in reality his motivation is more about his own needs. |
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Human
seesaw
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#36
Yeah, OE, he responded back with more gaslighting and saying "communication is a two-way street" and he doesn't ever want to rehash things.
Well, that doesn't work. You hurt me. You and my brother both try to play this game where you don't want to "rehash" things, but what you really mean is you have no intent of dealing with the hurt you caused and actually acknowledging it. You just want to pick up and have a new relationship and have me pretend like you didn't hurt me. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. If I were even ever going to consider having any kind of communication or relationship, there would be rehashing, because if you love me, then you care how I feel, and you care that you hurt me. I'm not pretending that I'm perfect. I know I did hurtful things. And I'm willing to discuss them. But I'm not entering into a false relationship to make you feel better. It was full of gaslighting and guilt-tripping. And I'm not responding. I'm taking money out of my SSDI savings and sending it to him for the loaned amount, and telling him that I consider our relationship complete. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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lizardlady, Open Eyes
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Human
seesaw
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Posts: 8,341
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#37
It's really incredible. He's trying to insinuate that I won't "try". Dude, I already tried. You don't get to try now because you've decides it hurts you or you're lonely. You shouldnhave thought about what you'd regret all those years you were abusing me.
**** you. Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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lizardlady, Open Eyes
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Human
seesaw
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Posts: 8,341
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#38
What's also incredible is that in his response to me he basically admits he lied in his first email to my brother that he copied me on.
He ignores where I remind him how many times I actually tried to have conversations with him. And he says "at least he tried" because the last 2 birthdays he texted "happy birthday"? That's a meaningless communication from someone whose last words to me were "you belong in a group home." He wants to bait me into defending myself against him to my brother. Well, news flash, I don't care what either of you think or say. Tell the world whatever the hell you want. I don't care. I don't need to defend who I am to that small, cruel man because he all of a sudden wants attention. I'm not responding to his email response. It doesn't require a response (no request for information or needing to confirm anything for legal or administrative purposes). I'm also not trying to hurt him. But I am trying to protect myself. Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Open Eyes
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Human
seesaw
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#39
This is all just really upsetting today. I'm proud of myself for not responding any further to him, but I've had to go lay down this morning instead of getting anything done. Could really use some validation and moral support.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
unaluna
Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention
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#40
My last t told me that r d laings theory of crazymaking was debunked. I think it was debunked by crazymakers.
Personally I wouldnt send him any money. Unless all this contact is his way of asking for it back? Im really sorry you are going thru this.
Possible trigger:
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