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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
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#1
It's my birthday, and I never feel like celebrating my birthday. The reason I don't feel like celebrating my birthday is because historically my parents have made it about them. My bio dad now ruins my birthday every year by making it the one day a year he tries to communicate with me, sending me some random message saying "Happy birthday, love Dad." Okay, but you don't get to love me one day a year because it makes you feel special you had a kid and you think you're a dad. He refused all my attempts at having a relationship, and now he thinks he gets some right to communicate with me on my birthday every year like I want to hear from him. It triggers me every birthday because he doesn't love me. His love is conditional, and on my birthday he loves me because it's a day he gets to recognize that he had a daughter, and look at all the things he did for me. Right....Tomorrow he'll go back to hating me and the discard.
I have worked so hard to be free of the abuse and trauma, and to work through the cPTSD, the OCD, all these disorders that he GAVE me with his abuse and narcissistic love. And on my 41st birthday, and last year on my 40th birthday, he sends these random messages, having not spoken to me or tried to reach out to me otherwise, like I should somehow respond positively to them. He hurt me, and he knows he hurt me. The only way I'd consider responding is if he send a message that acknowledged an ounce of his bad behavior, but even then, I've grieved the father I never had. And there is nothing healthy for me in a relationship with him or contact with him. I don't want it. Last year at this time I was about to go through with changing my name, but all the courts had closed. It's time to get an appointment with the court to deal with this, change my name, own my life and my future. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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AzulOscuro, Cardooney, eskielover, lizardlady, mote.of.soul, Open Eyes, ReveuseTroublee, RoxanneToto, unaluna
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leomama, ReveuseTroublee
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#2
Not an ounce. That's what's so galling about it.
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
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10 1,262 hugs
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#3
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#4
I’m so sorry, seesaw. Are the courts opening again now? I sincerely hope the name change helps bring you some peace and healing. I have a friend who has been through some big life events the last year or so, who also changed her name, and she described it as the person with her previous name being very tired and needing to rest.
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seesaw
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Human
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#5
Quote:
I'm going to plan to do it in June when I can give full attention to the process and getting it done everywhere at once, bank accounts, social security, etc. Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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eskielover, RoxanneToto
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
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#6
I hope it all goes smoothly, then!
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seesaw
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#7
Well actually it’s no different then changing your name when you marry. Your are free to change your name to something you like so even signing your name has no connection or reminders.
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
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#8
Quote:
Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Open Eyes
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
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#9
We've blocked phone numbers, changed our phone numbers, etc. to block my husband's family from doing these drive-by phone assaults at random times. Something to consider.
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Bill3, eskielover, RoxanneToto
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Human
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#10
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For one main reason that I dont want to discuss I have to leave him the ability to email me. It's the only way he can contact me. Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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eskielover
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Human
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#11
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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eskielover, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#12
Quote:
And none of that non-apology bs, "i know i wasnt always the best parent"! Just admit, "yeah i purposely effed with your head because it was so easy." |
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RoxanneToto, seesaw
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Human
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#13
Quote:
Sent from my SM-N986U using Tapatalk __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#14
Yeah that was part of what my family did. I just needed a statement to balance the "not ALWAYS the BEST parent", which is the typical Dr Phil show line.
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RoxanneToto
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RoxanneToto, seesaw
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Human
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#15
Quote:
I'm having flashbacks and other symptoms now. Ug. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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lizardlady, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, unaluna
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Human
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#16
This has just been really upsetting and triggering. Trying to focus on work, but it's really hard because of flashbacks, etc.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#17
I am sorry (((seesaw))) because I know how a toxic person can trigger an unwanted cycle of reliving crap we don’t want to relive. I experience that every time I have to deal with my sister. It’s why I just want her out of my life and have been working towards that goal.
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
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Posts: 8,345
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10 1,262 hugs
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#18
Quote:
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Bill3, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, unaluna
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Bill3, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,108
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13 21.3k hugs
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#19
Understand.
When a toxic person has control its normal to completely want to break away. That is what I have been working on when it comes to my older sister. People who blow up at me and rage are people I want out of my life. Last edited by Open Eyes; Apr 28, 2021 at 02:45 PM.. |
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AzulOscuro, seesaw
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
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#20
Seesaw, I didn’t know you were younger then me, you always seemed older!
My ex fiancé changed his last name from his dad. I didn’t change mine back after I divorced even though my dad would have been pleased. I kept my married name for my daughter. Name change is a big deal! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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