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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
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Apr 28, 2021 at 11:23 PM
#1
Jewelry, sheets, towels, bedding, clothing, stuffed animals.
Some of it is worn out and could be replaced , however I like it. There is no hope. He still blames me for the ending of our relationship. He was living in a homeless shelter and I was working ft as a barista. I couldn’t take it. He had promised me the moon and didn’t deliver it. I had been warned that was going to happen. Now he claims to have paid for a house in cash in my city which is very expensive. He refuses to take my calls. … Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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 mote.of.soul, RoxanneToto
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,262 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 12:22 AM
#2
Is this the one who was still married and telling you that he was going to marry you? I guess, if it's stuff you like and doesn't bother you, you could keep it. But if it's bringing back bad memories, I'd get rid of it.
__________________  What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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 lizardlady, mote.of.soul
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
3 6,991 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 12:55 AM
#3
If you don’t feel bothered when you look at something he gave you, there’s no reason you can’t keep it. I still have a few things from my last relationship, they’re tucked away somewhere but I don’t feel much when I do see them.
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mote.of.soul
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Mad Walker
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,094
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Apr 29, 2021 at 01:24 AM
#4
I say wipe the slate clean and get rid of it, like making a fresh start. A closure of sorts.
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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Molinit
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 02:58 AM
#5
Quote:
Yes I saw his divorce papers in 2018. I left him again when I found out he was living in a homeless shelter while I was working ft at a menial job. It’s not bad memories. It’s a constant reminder of how he still treats me. Won’t take my calls. The things he’s given me have become implanted in other peoples lives. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
3 6,991 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 05:59 AM
#6
Well, this is what it boils down to - would you feel better if you got rid of them, or at least put them out of sight for a while if possible? If you’re having trouble moving on (because you haven’t yet, if you’re still thinking about how he’s not responding to you now), it might help.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,367
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9 1,277 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 11:48 AM
#7
I think if it helps you to move on, then you can get rid of those things. Whatever helps to start fresh.
Honestly as much as it hurts, if relationship is over he doesn’t have to answer your phone calls. I understand it would be nice if he did of course. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 11:58 AM
#8
Quote:
He’s telling me to fix it, unwind what I’ve done, etc. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,143
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Apr 29, 2021 at 12:16 PM
#9
There's no rule around that. It's up to you and your own healing process. If you want to keep something for xyz reason, then keep it.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,367
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Apr 29, 2021 at 12:24 PM
#10
Quote:
Last edited by divine1966; Apr 29, 2021 at 01:37 PM.. |
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leomama, RoxanneToto
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,262 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 12:27 PM
#11
Quote:
Sorry if I misremember the details. I'd work to replace the items if they were necessary, one by one. Get rid of what you don't need that's from him. And otherwise kick him out of your life entirely. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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leomama, RoxanneToto
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,011
10
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Apr 29, 2021 at 01:02 PM
#12
It's up to you. There are no 'shoulds' about it.
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lizardlady
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
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10 1,262 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 02:10 PM
#13
Quote:
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 04:56 PM
#14
Quote:
He’s telling me this is in text. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 04:59 PM
#15
Quote:
No you don’t remember wrong , first he was married and then when I reconciled with him after I found out he was divorced he was living in a homeless shelter after abandoning the in law rental I had connected him with. Now he claims to have a bought a house in my city and is telling me I need to unwind things, ask forgiveness, fix things, that I swing wide. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 04:59 PM
#16
Quote:
Yes I know and that’s why I didn’t use the word should . Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
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10 1,262 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 05:16 PM
#17
Quote:
I'm not telling you what to do, just giving you an opinion. I know it's hard to let go of things when a relationship ends. But I also think it's good for healing and moving on. It also cuts the emotional ties he still might have on you. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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leomama, RoxanneToto
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given
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Apr 29, 2021 at 05:19 PM
#18
Quote:
It’s hard because I ended it both times hoping for a change. I can never get things back to the way they were in the beginning. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,367
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9 1,277 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 05:54 PM
#19
In the beginning things were not even real as he lied about a lot of things, who he was and what he did. Sure things can never be the same because a lot of it was a lie.
He is playing you. He sees you are calling, he isn’t picking up, he knows it upsets you. What do you call him about? You give too much validity to what he says. It’s easy to text things. Doesn’t cost anything. And it’s very common for people who were dumped to blame the other person: “you gave up too soon, you had to give it a chance”. Just because he says things, it doesn’t mean they have any validity. |
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leomama, RoxanneToto
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,181
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9 1,869 hugs
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Apr 29, 2021 at 06:09 PM
#20
From what you are saying, it sounds to me like you are still wanting a relationship with him. Is he saying he is willing to resume the relationship if you ‘apologize and make things right’? But, from what you describe about him, he sounds really bad for you (and for anyone).
The things he gave you are just things. If you like them, keep them. If they are upsetting you because they remind you of him, get rid of them. If you are calling him, but he won’t take your calls, it sounds like you are pursuing him and still wanting a relationship. So, it’s confusing to me that it isn’t necessarily over, but you are debating getting rid of reminders. 
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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leomama, RoxanneToto
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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