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NatalieJastrow
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Default May 02, 2021 at 08:54 AM
  #1
I have a cousin who, I just can't stand. I have tried, but we have nothing in common and she often bosses me around (though we are adults). Also, she can't take a hint. I have often declined going out with her... and she just keeps asking. I did go out with her 2 times and both times were torture.

My brother thinks I am terrible for doing this to her... I have explained a million times that I am allowed not to like people and I am as polite as possible about it, but it has been a bone of contention between us...

Fast forward to recently, for unknown reasons to me, my brother cut me completely out of his life. Failing to respond to me at all for a year and also not inviting me for the holidays (with no warning). I actually purchased presents.

And my cousin just e-mailed me and wants to go out -- again, failing to realize that the 40 times I have politely turned her down in the past was a hint.

I want to tell her off. I want to close my facebook account so she can't contact me any longer... I want to block her... she just doesn't get the hint. And now she has, in part, cost me my brother...

Debating...
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Have Hope
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Default May 02, 2021 at 09:02 AM
  #2
Since you don't know why your brother suddenly cut you out, do you know for certain if it has to do with your cousin, or perhaps it's other issues between you? Do you have other issues or points of contention between you and your brother? Has he brought issues to your attention that you've perhaps forgotten about?

You have every right to your feelings about your cousin - it's not your brother's place to dictate your relationships.

I would just stop responding to your cousin. No need to close your Facebook or block. I just would not reply. Only my opinion of course!

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Default May 02, 2021 at 09:10 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
Since you don't know why your brother suddenly cut you out, do you know for certain if it has to do with your cousin, or perhaps it's other issues between you? Do you have other issues or points of contention between you and your brother? Has he brought issues to your attention that you've perhaps forgotten about?
My suspicion is that he thought he was going to move over my house when he got divorced from his wife. But I put the kibosh on that...Weirdly though he did respond to me 2 months after I told him that... so it is really unclear.

However, my cousin fits in, in that, my brother feels "you do for family" including him and his desire to come freeload off of me because he can't or won't make his marriage work. So, it was a bone of contention because he wanted me to roll over do "do for family" with my cousin, as sort of a proxy as to my doing for him. Go out with her because she is your cousin, just like, let me stay over your house because I am your brother.

I suppose I feel I was only being tolerant of my cousin because I was worried about what my brother would say... now that he is gone -- in part due to her -- I feel like I should let her have it because I have ZERO desire to have her in my life ever, ever again.

I feel like she should get told off / pay a price. And I am done with being kind, which she has absolutely trampled on... the only thing holding me back right now from telling her off is that she is a millionaire and maybe if I kept my mouth shut I could get some money upon her death (but she is only about 10 years older than me).
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Default May 02, 2021 at 09:26 AM
  #4
If you really wish to speak your mind to her, I would. And perhaps she won't give you money anyways, if you cut her out of your life?

And your brother seems entitled - yes, family does step in and help each other, but just because he's getting divorced, doesn't mean that it's convenient then for you that he live in your home.

You don't owe it to your brother to have him live in your home. He should be able to figure this out on his own, unless he is jobless, money less, and has no other options, then I can see that he may try to lean on family to help out. But if he has a job, an income and money to survive, he can do this on his own.

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Default May 02, 2021 at 10:53 AM
  #5
i agree with the other wise and wonderful poster. i think it may be wise to simply tell the truth to your cousing. Try to be as much kind as possible. As for your borhter, i am So Sorry that things aren't working out. Try to contact him if possible but i am not sure if there's much that you can do besides that. Keep us posted if you want to. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @NatalieJastrow, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default May 02, 2021 at 11:17 AM
  #6
Your relationship with your cousin (or any other person) was never your brother’s business, and as adults it’s up to you how you want to manage it. It doesn’t matter if he thought you were “terrible” for wanting to cut her out - you already tried to get along, but she doesn’t respect your boundaries, seems entitled and wanting to distance yourself isn’t an unreasonable reaction to that.
If your relationship with her really is untenable then I don’t think you are wrong to block her.
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Default May 02, 2021 at 01:14 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
If your relationship with her really is untenable then I don’t think you are wrong to block her.
I feel guilty about it -- seems like you shouldn't just turn anyone away especially when you have no friends. But in my heart, I know, I don't want to do anything with her for the rest of my life.

Calming down a bit... I am think I am going to cancel my brother and her off my facebook page (I have another page) not today, but like slowly in a month or so.
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