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Old Yesterday, 07:02 AM   #61
eskielover
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Default Re: Describing others as toxic people

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Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
Iím not sure I agree. Knowing a person is ďtoxicĒ to me - basically poison to physical, mental, and/or emotional health - doesnít make me a victim at all. It empowers me to make wise decisions to distance myself from that person for my own safety. It has absolutely the opposite effect to creating a victim mentality for me; it helps me make wise choices. That ability to make and hold healthy boundaries so that those individuals donít continue to hold that power over me is perhaps the healthiest skill for living sanely and safely.

I donít get into labels either, but I donít see this so much about the label as it is in knowing that sometime there are people or environments that we have to separate from in order to be healthy.
I agree....it is IMPORTANT to know personally when a person or environment or situation is something we need to get out of. Labeling implies to me that the person "labeling" expects others to see it as toxic also where in reality the perception should only be a personal one.

The personal view of things is fascinating. Growing up when someone told me I couldn't do something, it pushed me to prove them wrong & I pushed myself to excel, not be a victim of their words. While other people I know, when someone told them they couldn't do something, they rolled over & believed every word they were told.

Individual personalities seem to determine how we respond to what we are told.

You are correct in that our personal reaction to a situation will make a difference whether to fight back in the best way possible or walk away....but whichever, not holding onto a victim mentality about whatever it is.
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Old Yesterday, 10:00 AM   #62
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Default Re: Describing others as toxic people

I think these catch labels are an effort to get the many to agree and define behavior problem individuals that create unnecessary obstacles in healthy communication and problem solving.

Human beings like structure because it is conducive to how the brain is set up where itís designed to navigate. Unfortunately some individuals develop poor navigational skills and may end up expecting and even demanding others navigate around their needs and problems and likes and dislikes.

Itís important to understand that most individuals navigate based on what they know and personal life experiences That means the person may not know how to show respect for things others consider of value and importance. This doesnít always mean there is no value in what the person does know.

Often we donít get the responses we prefer from other people. And sometimes another person resists learning how to navigate with others that resist unless others do things the way they expect. This can be a challenge to navigate. That is when a decision needs to be made to distance rather than trying to get this other individual to change how they navigate.

Assuming others understand how to work through navigational obstacles like we do can lead to problems and disappointments. And sometimes this lack can deeply affect us on an emotional level. That is when our sense of safety and well being can be deeply affected. This can take place even before we have enough life experience to know how to understand our feelings and what to do about these feelings.

Truth is we learn to navigate all our lives. What one may consider toxic behavior may be something another person developed more skills to navigate where they learned not to absorb on a personal level where it becomes an ongoing obstacle.
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Old Yesterday, 12:44 PM   #63
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Default Re: Describing others as toxic people

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Truth is we learn to navigate all our lives. What one may consider toxic behavior may be something another person developed more skills to navigate where they learned not to absorb on a personal level where it becomes an ongoing obstacle.
We must also know that the mind has neuroplasticity & just because we haven't developed the skills not to absorbed on a personal level, the mind is never too old to not be able to learn new skills that counter the old ones that cause us problems. Just like stroke victims can relearn what they lost from a stroke, our minds are fully capable or relearning skills that will make us more functional in tough situations
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Old Yesterday, 02:00 PM   #64
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Default Re: Describing others as toxic people

Agree and itís important to recognize that if another person doesnít respond and isnít interested in doing so then walk away and distance.

I know for myself when it came to my older sister. I had to make some very, very difficult choices as it was affecting my mental health badly. Sometimes another person can behave in such a distorted way that itís essential to reduce interactions as much as possible.
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Old Yesterday, 03:02 PM   #65
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Default Re: Describing others as toxic people

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I know for myself when it came to my older sister. I had to make some very, very difficult choices
Making those choices was your own mind's neuroplasticity having to change what you thought about your sister too. We have to be open to the fact that it is more about what we are willing to do than about them.
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Old Yesterday, 03:46 PM   #66
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Default Re: Describing others as toxic people

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Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
Iím not sure I agree. Knowing a person is ďtoxicĒ to me - basically poison to physical, mental, and/or emotional health - doesnít make me a victim at all. It empowers me to make wise decisions to distance myself from that person for my own safety. It has absolutely the opposite effect to creating a victim mentality for me; it helps me make wise choices. That ability to make and hold healthy boundaries so that those individuals donít continue to hold that power over me is perhaps the healthiest skill for living sanely and safely.

I donít get into labels either, but I donít see this so much about the label as it is in knowing that sometime there are people or environments that we have to separate from in order to be healthy.
@ArtleyWilkins, I completely agree with you on this. I also disagree that knowing someone is toxic to you creates a victim mentality. However, at the same time, people DO become victim to some people's more toxic behaviors and treatment, and IF the victim chooses to engage in it, it becomes a toxic dance that then plays out, whereby the one person is constantly victimized.

As you stated, one of the healthiest skills I think a person can develop is to learn how to exit from interactions with toxic people and/or extricate oneself from continuing the dance. It is for the health and well being of a person to do so, and I would say that is a survivalist mentality vs a victim mentality.
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