Describing others as toxic people

Yes, it’s all drama when you throw labels here and there onto others while you put yourself under the best light possible. It is not possible. It doesn’t happen. Online or off line.

Unluckily, your sister’s case is one of these exceptions. I know you are suffering because of this. She’s your sister, I’ve never heard you to talk bad about people or giving them labels or discredit people in your life. In the contrary.

I have experienced a great deal of cognitive dissonance when it comes to her. Yet I don’t care to get involved with hate or punishing her or even wanting her dead. Instead I am extremely disappointed and just want distance and no more interaction. Her behavior is toxic for me as a person. Yet for her, her pleasure is hurting me. That is not anything I can change. I gain no pleasure for causing another’s suffering. Just not anything I care to engage.

I forgot about the language barrier.

I’m talking about a chronic liar , I don’t know about compulsive . Are there no web forums in your native language?

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I love those who call others "toxic" yet have had issues with everyone that they have met

Damn! I thought my google translator was working in a reasonable way.

I really don’t see as a big deal the language barrier. I didn’t have any problem to understand your post. Did you have difficulties to understand my main point here in the post? The fact that I find kind of suspicious when someone shares out right, left and centre the labels of toxic.

We don’t disagree in fact. If a person lies in a chronic=compulsive=habitual way you have the right to protect yourself. Indeed, you have the right to do, think and say whatever you please.
I express my opinion. I think these cases are exceptions. The majority of people is like you or me.
And it doesn’t happen that a person is unluckily enough to be surrounded by people who display a toxic or a harmful behaviour. There is something more behind it. It’s only a matter of Maths.

Wait. There’s another good term -vampires-

This.
She expresses it so well in form and content what it’s in my head that I don’t have anything else to add.

Thanks for this thread AzulOscuro. I just looked at it. Like you, I agree with the comments. I agree that we have to be careful to label behaviors rather than people.

I want to add that I have struggled for a long time about whether or not others were toxic or I am the one who is toxic. In the beginning of my back and forth thoughts, a lot of it was about others but I finally began to look at ways I was behaving badly too. I think I have improved my behaviors and improved my boundaries and have noticed that now others are behaving and doing better. I don't know if I can take any credit for their improvements but do know that we eventually take on some of the behaviors of the people we are with if we spend a lot of time with them. However, we can't change others, we can only change ourselves. Most people have both good and bad behaviors. I know I struggle with not having sympathy for others excuses when they also clearly did something wrong. I have learned that when a person blames, excuses their own bad behavior and guilt trips me or others--it is time call them out on the specific recent behavior they are trying to deflect from or to have a time out from that person. Also, if I allow them to deflect an issue by blaming another person, then I am also contributing to allowing others to be blamed for their inappropriate behavior. I should say something like, "that is not the issue" or "have you talked to them?" And even if they have a valid point about someone else, many times I have been put in situations where others are asking me to change others in a way I do not have the power to do. I am learning to not feel as responsible for things I cannot change. For me, it has been very challenging to be in "fights" between three or more. When it is just between two people, things are so much easier to work out. It is important not to pile on to anyone. Perhaps some of their accusations bear consideration but there are some situations that I shouldn't get in the middle of. Dare I say these are "toxic" situations? I am trying to monitor myself also so that I do not behave badly either.

I know when someone comments that a situation is toxic in my life it's like "NO". It is a challenge but I have the skills to deal with it & the people involved. Sometimes it takes time to determine the necessary skills to use in the challenge but it always gets worked through.

Some have labeled my EX as toxic but in reality he is JUST A JERK who does stupid stuff that affects me negatively & creates difficult situations for me to navigate through. Am I glad I live 2100 miles away now?.......definitely. But I definitely don't call what I am dealing with or those I am dealing with toxic. They are a challenge that has to be faced & resolved.

Other people I have chosen to distance myself from is not because I label them as toxic.... I just don't like their behavior while others do.

Toxic waste is toxic waste to EVERYONE so we can't label a person as toxic when only some of us have issues with them & others are fine with them. It comes down to it more being personality differences that we either choose to be around or not. It is perfectly natural to want to be around people we get along with & stay away from those we don't. Labels are not necessary. It is our own responsibility to take the action that is appropriate for us. It doesn't even really matter what others think of the person except maybe personal validation that what we are sensing about the person may be on the right track.

I think that what contributes to this is how a person can get in the habit of letting their emotions rule their life. Often the result is a person that may be functioning based on their childhood emotions instead of learning to progress and manage their emotions as an adult. This is something you tend to allude to eskie when you talk about how one must learn that how they managed things as a child doesn’t really work in the adult world.

If a person invests a lot of time pointing out things they don’t like about another person and insists on having another person say “yes it’s awful and I am angry for you” often what that results in is just fueling anger and even worse “hate”. This can actually be dangerous in that building up hate can lead to acting out and harming someone else or self. Hate brings about the motivation to eliminate. We all know where that can lead when we recall Hitler and how he decided all Jews were bad and wanted them to be eliminated. This started out as a personal anger about rejection in Hitler and it ended up costing many lives. It was a true HORROR. A warning sign is a desire to gather others to act out based on hate.

The true Evil is how anger turns into hate that fuels the desire to eliminate. That is what Hitler’s rein was all about. Hitler was a very mentally disturbed human being. And eskie he still managed to have many followers. That is the scary part.

I think it's simpler for most people to just use a single word or 2 when talking about things. For many people who are dealing with what they call a "toxic" person/situation, explaining over and over to others or even just in their own emotional processing it is far less exhausting to use a single word adjective.
In English, the first person narrative is always implied unless specifically stated. This is what makes English as a second language so difficult. Most other languages have verb conjugation and pronouns that clarify the relationship between subject, speaker and audience. Englsh also relies very heavily on figurative language such as hyperbole and metaphor. So the term "toxic person" is a hyperbolic metaphor for "person who I percieve as dangerous to me because specific characteristics that I associate with negativity cause a significant reaction in my mental, emotional or physical state of being."

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That is what Hitler’s rein was all about. Hitler was a very mentally disturbed human being. And eskie he still managed to have many followers. That is the scary part.

Many people are either in denial that someone can be that evil or they also are in agreement with the thinking.....but that is a totally different topic. In reality this is the kind of thinking & followings that divide nations.....but each individual is responsible for their own beliefs & values they choose to tolerate in their own lives or take action against. Germany had those who agreed with Hitler, they had those people who tolerated what was happening as long as it didn't affect them personally, then they had those like Bonhoeffer who took a stand against it & did cost him his life. Each different ways of looking at the same situation.

Well what I am talking about is an all X’s are bad mentality. A person can claim how good or nice they are and then make a remark about someone they don’t like and want others to not like by saying, “oh did I tell you this person is also an X” expecting dislike based on that which could mean the other persons color or race or religion or political affiliation just to name a few examples and can even include a mental health challenge. It’s a desire to encourage hate about someone that can actually be a nice person yet someone wants others to believe the person is bad. After all the person is an X. It’s a group hate practice by labeling.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes Well what I am talking about is an all X’s are bad mentality. A person can claim how good or nice they are and then make a remark about someone they don’t like and want others to not like by saying, “oh did I tell you this person is also an X” expecting dislike based on that which could mean the other persons color or race or religion or political affiliation just to name a few examples and can even include a mental health challenge. It’s a desire to encourage hate about someone that can actually be a nice person yet someone wants others to believe the person is bad. After all the person is an X. It’s a group hate practice by labeling.

So why are people so gullible to be influenced by labels other people use instead of figuring out for themselves what they actually observe & think?

I have to have personal experience with someone before I will judge how their behavior effects me. Others can label to their hearts content but it does not make me see the person according to the label they use until I actually experience that person's behavior. Until I experience it my stance us "yes, that is how YOU have experienced the person & for YOU it is a valid FEELING" (even though it might not be a valid observation in general).

I am an independent thinker & no one puts thoughts or words on me. Exactly why I blocked the guy acquaintance I knew from highschool/college. I got tired of constantly correcting his interpretation of what I said & stating my thoughts totally inaccurately & I sure wasn't going to just quietly say nothing & let it pass so I stopped it altogether.

We don't have to go along with people who label. Actually the more who do, it just validates their behavior of labeling & encourages them to do it more.

That is something I have asked in why do people go along with that mentality. Yet unfortunately people do.

I agree in that I too prefer to make up my own mind. I prefer to decide on the individual and not the X someone else labels them as.

I do appreciate all your replies. It gives me the opportunity to learn from you.
Thank you.

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Originally Posted by AzulOscuro I do appreciate all your replies. It gives me the opportunity to learn from you. Thank you.

Great topic for thought & good discussion....thank you

Thank you @skie, a discussion is worthy when people are ready to talk and share. You, among the others users make it possible.

I wonder when and why arose this habit of calling others toxic. Could it have to do with the need to spotlight the individual over the group? My psyche, my well-being, my interests...? Where’s love, compassion, understanding?