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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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#61
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The personal view of things is fascinating. Growing up when someone told me I couldn't do something, it pushed me to prove them wrong & I pushed myself to excel, not be a victim of their words. While other people I know, when someone told them they couldn't do something, they rolled over & believed every word they were told. Individual personalities seem to determine how we respond to what we are told. You are correct in that our personal reaction to a situation will make a difference whether to fight back in the best way possible or walk away....but whichever, not holding onto a victim mentality about whatever it is. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Open Eyes, seesaw
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#62
I think these catch labels are an effort to get the many to agree and define behavior problem individuals that create unnecessary obstacles in healthy communication and problem solving.
Human beings like structure because it is conducive to how the brain is set up where it’s designed to navigate. Unfortunately some individuals develop poor navigational skills and may end up expecting and even demanding others navigate around their needs and problems and likes and dislikes. It’s important to understand that most individuals navigate based on what they know and personal life experiences That means the person may not know how to show respect for things others consider of value and importance. This doesn’t always mean there is no value in what the person does know. Often we don’t get the responses we prefer from other people. And sometimes another person resists learning how to navigate with others that resist unless others do things the way they expect. This can be a challenge to navigate. That is when a decision needs to be made to distance rather than trying to get this other individual to change how they navigate. Assuming others understand how to work through navigational obstacles like we do can lead to problems and disappointments. And sometimes this lack can deeply affect us on an emotional level. That is when our sense of safety and well being can be deeply affected. This can take place even before we have enough life experience to know how to understand our feelings and what to do about these feelings. Truth is we learn to navigate all our lives. What one may consider toxic behavior may be something another person developed more skills to navigate where they learned not to absorb on a personal level where it becomes an ongoing obstacle. |
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AzulOscuro, seesaw, Snap66, TunedOut
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,742
(SuperPoster!)
19 14.6k hugs
given |
#63
Quote:
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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AzulOscuro, Open Eyes, seesaw, TunedOut
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,108
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#64
Agree and it’s important to recognize that if another person doesn’t respond and isn’t interested in doing so then walk away and distance.
I know for myself when it came to my older sister. I had to make some very, very difficult choices as it was affecting my mental health badly. Sometimes another person can behave in such a distorted way that it’s essential to reduce interactions as much as possible. |
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AzulOscuro, seesaw, TunedOut
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seesaw
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,742
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#65
Quote:
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Open Eyes, seesaw
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#66
Quote:
As you stated, one of the healthiest skills I think a person can develop is to learn how to exit from interactions with toxic people and/or extricate oneself from continuing the dance. It is for the health and well being of a person to do so, and I would say that is a survivalist mentality vs a victim mentality. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
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#67
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No matter how screwed a person might be. There’s always an opportunity to evolve and learn. Maybe, there are limitations because of brain functioning that have been researching currently, but out of these few cases, I do believe in the capacity of human being to have compassion and empathy towards others and the ability to see in the other much more than someone who doesn’t validate us, but on the contrary, constitute a challenge for us to learn. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Open Eyes, TunedOut
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Open Eyes, seesaw, TunedOut
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
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#68
Quote:
Even calling the behavior toxic is not very useful. What exactly are you saying about the behavior? It's more useful to say "this behavior makes me uncomfortable or hurts my feelings or frightens me etc" so you actually know what you're feeling or what your response is versus the label of "toxic" which doesn't really give you much information. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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AzulOscuro, eskielover
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#69
Quote:
I was always taught that it was not appropriate to point out with my finger onto another person. I’m so grateful to my parents for giving me this lesson. I see as labelling a person has been taken to an incredible extreme nowadays. It seems everyone is “toxic” for one or another reason, or vampires, or narcissists or femi-nazis ( another term that put me on guard, too)... It seems as if as soon as we put a label all is fixed up. We feel more secure. We don’t have to make an effort to see what it’s beyond. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Open Eyes
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eskielover, seesaw
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
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#70
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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AzulOscuro, Open Eyes
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#71
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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eskielover, Open Eyes
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Snap66
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#72
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TishaBuv
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#73
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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#74
Ah, one of those crazy American idioms. When someone gets something correct, the saying is "You hit the nail on the head" ....but if you take the idiom literally, we are beating up a nail because we are hitting it on the head.
Lol....Spanish idioms were the hardest thing for me to learn.....& my T always uses great Italian idioms. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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AzulOscuro, Open Eyes, TishaBuv, TunedOut
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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#75
And I was making a pun because we were talking about being too hard on people by calling them toxic, then when the expression about hitting the nail on the head was used, it was funny to say that we shouldn’t hurt nails (but nails are made for getting hit with hammers!)
Chatting on this forum is educational! __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Open Eyes
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AzulOscuro, eskielover, TunedOut
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,108
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13 21.3k hugs
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#76
🤬⛏. 🥴. 🔨🛠
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eskielover
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AzulOscuro, eskielover, TishaBuv
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#77
Quote:
Now, beside learning something I won’t forget the right way to say this idiom because I used to say “put the nail on the head” that is, I used “put” instead of “hit”. And I also understand better the sense of the idiom because until now, I thought, nail in the idiom was one of these we have on our fingers and toes lol! and not that thing we introduce over a surface with a hammer. Now, it makes a lot of sense for me, indeed, as you mentioned the Spanish idioms, I came across that many are pretty similar to the English ones. As it’s the case with the one we are dealing here. In Spanish we say “dar en el clavo” (beat or hit on the nail) with the exact meaning of hit the nail on the head. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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eskielover, Open Eyes
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eskielover, Open Eyes
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#78
Quote:
I don’t know if what I’m gonna say might be fun but I’m gonna take a risk. At least when hitting a nail on somebody’s head is not that bad. There’s always a chance. the worst is to put the nail in somebody’s coffin. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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eskielover, Open Eyes, TishaBuv
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
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#79
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,742
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#80
Quote:
Lol....one of my favorite Spanish idioms was "En boca cerada no entra mosca"....much nicer way of saying be quiet....lol __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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TunedOut
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