Easily Influenced

I am not a follower at all but I believe there are places and times when it’s appropriate to follow and be influenced. It could lead to something.

I did some things because others did even though it’s not normally in my nature: dive from the cliff into the sea, ski, ice skate, swim further into the sea than needed, bike to crazy places and long distances. I am not naturally adventurous or athletic but I did stuff to follow those who naturally were that way.

I was never good at any of it but I can do them all although some things I stopped doing as I got older out of fear but I am kind of glad I followed others in these pursuits.

Wow! I’d be terrified to do that! Good for you, wild thing.

I am not wild at all, that’s the thing. Hahah Diving is actually really fun. But overall I am a bit afraid of water. I don't go on boats. Go figure, I grew up by the sea. I can swim but I am not a good swimmer but you just swim to the shore when you pop to the surface after diving. I can’t swim too far, I’d drown as I am not strong enough. These were just examples when following isn’t bad. If i didn’t follow I’d never try any of it. Not in my nature at all

It’s a very interesting topic, Tisha. And there have being lots of helpful and wise responses. Wished I could tell you something helpful but I’m afraid it’s not gonna be the case.
I have some ideas very clear but I find myself easily influenced.
I don’t know why I am this way. There are topics I feel very insecure with, especially what it has to do with human relations. Since I have few knowledge in this topic I’m always full of doubts and rely on what others have to say. And sometimes I’m sure I made the wrong decision.
It will probably due to have lack of self-confidence or not knowing myself enough being scared of fail. It’s something I’m pretty worried about, too.
Indeed, it would be the topic I would bring out with a psychologist if I had one.

We watched a tv show recently about a teenager who tried what she thought was acid, it was synthetic, she overdosed and died. When I was the same age, I trusted my best friend and took what she told me was okay and we’d enjoy it. I followed without a second thought. Fortunately, it was okay and nothing bad happened that time. I’ve done plenty of stupid things like that.

How I dress is such a good example of having a shaky sense of identity. I dressed like whoever I was with. I’ve always had an inseparably close friend(s) or bf or h. Whoever they are…that’s who I am.

Who am I and what do I want to do with my life? Can you believe I am middle aged and asking this?

Tisha,
You have more influence than you give yourself credit for. IMO, all of us are influenced by the people and information we spend the most time with. IMO, many times, women who have been taking care of children, find themselves trying to figure out "what do I want to do now?" I am just doing what easily falls into my lap and have stopped worrying about what it will be anymore. Acceptance instead of anxiety is my new mode of living. I dislike fighting and arguments. It is what it is.

I think accepting who you are comes with age. I am not surprised that teenager took a drug because of peer pressure. Sadly it’s not uncommon. We all do things because of peer pressure in young age. That’s how most young people take up substances or engage in dangerous behaviors. As we age that changes. Don’t they say beauty of aging is not caring what other people think. That includes appearances too.

I recall I dated a guy many years back who negatively commented on me wearing bright colors. Now I think it’s so funny I even cared

I don’t know how realistic it is to just do what easily falls into one’s lap. Maybe when we are very very elderly and incapacitated? But even then. My dad is 83 and he does more than what just falls into his lap. My son’s in law grandpa is in his 90s and he engages in a creative hobby (to the best of his physical ability). What kind of life do you suggest for Tisha? She is young, in her 50s I think.

For sure arguing is no good. I’d say most people dislike arguing and fighting. It’s always better to not have that in life.

Even in junior high & high school & stayed away from groups except the intellectual & music clubs at school. I remember blowing off pledging for a club after I tried it. At the time I didn't understand why but I never was a follower. Something in my gut made me always be an individual from as early as I can remember. I never recall a need to be accepted by any group but I did want to be accepted for who I was & yes, I was part of the good grade group but I had to work harder than others to get there (good thing they didn't know that)

I remember the first day in my own kitchen after moving here where I knew absolutely no one & having come home from grocery shopping, I opened the cupboards & threw my arms up in the air with joy, knowing that everything I bought was exactly what I liked to eat. That was exactly 14 years ago this May 15. Life these last 14 years has been the best adventure of my life. Exploring everything new, finding friends I truly connect with & who have become better family than my family ever was. There is nothing from my old life I walked away from that I miss & I totally enjoy the adventures & new challenges life throws at me daily except for a few & they are the ones I keep finding out trying to totally get away from that past that require lawyer action. 2100 miles away makes that a challenge. But again....I am up for a challenge & battle if that is what it requires. I look at what is needed more than what I want or would prefer in cases like that.

Yes, I did find that I could figure out who I am & what my values are more when I wasn't constantly responding to the crap that existed in my life & I like what was inside wanting out so bad all those years. I had to fight for the successes I achieved all through my life so I learned to be a fighter when necessary. People in my life now don't see that side of me UNLESS they push an issue I know is important to me. Then they find out the hard way.

That is why I wonder how much of our easily influenced personality is nature. But we can always nurture a change. That takes time & patience & an idea of what we want the change to be in the first place....& not so easy when there is someone else in our life fighting the change

Haha eskie. I love my husband but sometimes I miss single life when cupboards only have exact stuff I wanted, no accidental extras. And the house looked just the same in the evening as I left it in the morning. Hahah Don’t tell my husband lol

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Originally Posted by divine1966 Haha eskie. I love my husband but sometimes I miss single life when cupboards only have exact stuff I wanted, no accidental extras. And the house looked just the same in the evening as I left it in the morning. Hahah Don’t tell my husband lol

Lol....lol....sometimes I wish there was a little house fairy around my house who would get things done when I am busy with outside farm stuff. Those dirty dishes pile up even with a dishwasher.....lol.

I can only complain at myself for the pile of mail that hasn't been gone through but have to keep things up off the floor cause I have 2 blind dogs who have fun spreading everything around otherwise.

Notice, I said "house fairy" not "husband"....lol

There is not enough time in the day!

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Originally Posted by divine1966 There is not enough time in the day!

So true & I can just get so involved with the outside work I come inside at night totally exhausted & crash in my chair without making it up the stairs to my bedroom. I have easy microwave or quick stove top dinners for nights like that or a bowl of soup. Save my gourmet cooking for days the kitchen is clean & I have energy cause I love my gourmet cooking too.

Interesting, I am more go with the flow now because when I was married & living with him, I EXPECTED him to do what I couldn't get done myself.

Ugh would like to have a house fairy myself. 😁

Having a farm and animals is a lot of work. Yet if it’s something a person enjoys and are happy doing why not?

I do not have advice but sometimes wonder why she hasn't gone ahead and left? I no longer want to explain my own household situation but there were a lot of facets to it when I had my breakdown. Some of it was over things I cannot control--it involved the interactions between four people and when my FOO flew out--now even more people were giving me advice about a very tough situation that had drug my family down over the course of many years. They meant well and the advice I received here was well meaning but it actually proved to be quite confusing having so many people telling me what I needed to do when I was already reeling from my attempt. And my attempt and confusion didn't help my family's situation so I was part of the problem too--it takes time to sort things out sometimes. So since she is feeling so easily influenced--maybe she needs more time before taking action? Her H and others may be pressuring her too much--IMO sometimes people close to us spend so much time trying to convince us to follow their agendas that we can't hear our own wishes. IMO, we can be married but regularly take quiet time away from people in our lives who are prone to upset or being pushy so that we can eventually think more clearly. As usual, I am likely speaking about what worked for me--I definitely do not have an answer to her situation.

Oh I see, I didn’t realize you are commenting on her marriage. I thought it’s about life in general

I understood Tisha in general had concerns about being influenced by others, even how she dresses, not just making decisions. So just sitting around waiting for things happen seem to go against what her issue is. It’s like she should be even less decisive and just wait for things to happen and let other people drop things into her lap. I have no answer about her marriage. I didn’t feel that’s what this thread is about. I could be wrong

I absolutely believe people must have their own space and their own lives regardless if they are married or not. And regardless if they are being pushed or not. Having space and taking time for yourself is healthy

That’s of course my opinion.

Good point--I think I had this in my head because of her comments on some other threads that she recently posted on. But, I know we all have a lot more going on than just our marriages. Sorry if I am talking about you and not with you TishaBuv. I do go off on tangents in all my conversations quite a lot.

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more people were giving me advice about a very tough situation that had drug my family down over the course of many years. They meant well and the advice I received here was well meaning but it actually proved to be quite confusing having so many people telling me what I needed to do

Maybe this is part of the difference. I never take anything anyone says as something I have to do. I take it as ideas for my consideration to ponder on & use as part of my decision making process. No one has ever successfully told me what to do without it being an idea I find worth considering.

My dad said college was a bad idea....so it made me even more determined to get my degree & a good career.

I told my now ex before we got married that NOTHING was getting in the way of my degree & career. I got pregnant 3 years later & he said I should stay home & go back to my degree 5 years later when I was only 10 months away from my degree. I told him where he could stick that.

When I was trying to protect my mom against the evil home care person I caught abusing her when she was dying of cancer, everyone judged what I did to protect us both. I didn't care what others thought, I had to do what I knew was best. Even if there was some extreme choices I had to make, I KNEW it was the right thing to do. Confidence in my choices.....probably a lot because all my life I had to make choices on my own that were not always what others thought were the right thing to do. Looking back.....exactly what I would do now with more knowledge so trust in my own judgment grew with time & experience.

I now treasure the wise friends I have in my life I can talk ideas over with & I also know those I would NEVER listen to for advice. It is all a growing & learning process that never stops.

Yes, this is something I am getting better at. I used to jump through too many hoops for other people--not just for my family but for people at work too. I have learned a lot from bad situations and, yes, the process never stops.